Tell Tchaikovsky the News

posted by Evan Jake at 7:07 PM

I've said before how much I hate tummy time. But I've placated mom by doing my best, prone on my belly, wiggling and screaming as little as possible. I've gotten better at holding my head up on my own -- actually, I'm just trying to keep my face out of my puddle of spit-up. And I'm able to hang out there for several minutes at a time before I completely melt down. But I still hate tummy time.

Well, today, I finally realized that I don't need to take it anymore! While on my belly, to my great shock, I suddenly rolled over!! Just like that. One flip of my arm and I was on my back. What a miracle. Mom was so ecstatic she called dad at work right away -- I'm sure she was interrupting something really important at his "job."

I haven't been able to do it again. But I think I'll soon learn to roll from my tummy to my back whenever I want. My ultimate goal, of course is rolling my way to toward the door, and eventually the car. (I love car rides.) But I guess in order to do that, I need to figure out how to roll from my back to my front, too. I haven't gotten the hang of that one yet. I'll need to figure that one out soon.

In the meantime, no one can make this baby do tummy time any longer than I want to!

~:O

Bumbo Potato

posted by Evan Jake at 5:49 PM

I got a new chair today. It came in the mail in a big box. I guess mom and dad were too lazy to go to a store a buy it. Anyway, it's called a "Bumbo Chair."

There's something creepy looking about it, but I think I like it. It kind of looks like a big salad bowl with holes cut out for my feet. It helps me sit up straight so I can look around and see what's going on -- when I'm not standing, that is. It's pretty comfortable, even though it squeezes me a bit in the diaper area, if you catch my drift. And it's so light and portable, mom and dad can put me and that chair anywhere: on the kitchen table, the clothes dryer or even the bathroom floor. They can easily neglect me in every room of the house!

As cool as the "Bumbo" looks, it's really just one more chair for my growing collection. I already have a bouncy chair, a swinging chair, a rocking chair, a car chair, a high chair and now a Bumbo chair! My favorite chair, though, is still my car chair. (I love car rides.)

I feel special having so many chairs just for me. I already have more chairs than dad! I only ever see dad use one chair. It's in front of the TV and he's there pretty much all the time -- napping, watching game shows or eating dinner. Sometimes he gets up when mom tells him, but not always. He never gets up when I cry, that's for sure.

I can tolerate each one of my chairs for about ten minutes before I start crying. So if mom and dad just keep moving me around to all my chairs, I can keep entertained for at least an hour!

~:O

Now Face North

posted by Evan Jake at 9:08 PM

Look, I'm standing! I'm standing!!

I like to stand up. It sure beats sitting in a poopie diaper. I still need a little help to steady myself, but I love springing to my feet. My legs are a bit wobbly and my head kind of rocks side to side, but I've almost got it. From up here, I can view everything so much better. Too bad there isn't a flat-screen TV for me to see.

I'm only three months old, but I don't think it will be long until I can take a few steps. After a few steps, comes walking. And once I'm walking, I'll be able to get around on my own! I just hope that once I'm walking, mom and dad won't expect me to walk everywhere. I'll still need the car to go some places. And I love car rides!

While mom and dad are teaching me to stand -- and eventually walk -- they have quite a clever plan to keep me contained. As you can see, I've been kept naked. This way, if I suddenly take off and venture outside, my nakedness would probably shame me into sticking close to home. I'm not too embarrassed, though. I like showing off those legs!

~:O

Yours Drooly

posted by Evan Jake at 7:05 PM

Let me start today by personally thanking everyone who has sent me all those wonderful gifts the last three months. I just love all the stuffed animals, preppy outfits (some of which I still have to grow into) and bright-colored toys. Some of you I've never even met, and you're sending me presents. Some of you mom and dad have never even met and you're sending gifts! It's wonderful to have such generous friends and family.

To show my appreication, I've asked mom and dad to handwrite thank you notes to all of you on my behalf. It's not that I don't care or can't find time in my busy schedule between crying, pooping, sleeping and car rides (I love car rides). It's just that my penmanship is pretty poor. Besides, no one wants a thank you note smeared by drool and spit up.

Most of you have probably already gotten a nice note from mom or dad, but I suspect they've lost track of a few gifts, lost some addresses or have just been too plain lazy recently. I think it's pretty rude not to send a thank you note and I certainly don't want that reflecting on me personally in any way. I hope mom and dad don't ever try to lecture me on manners!

Meanwhile, I'm really looking forward to my playdate tomorrow. While dad's at work (or where ever it is that he goes during the day) mom and I are going over to Princess G's house. We've been there a couple times before and I've always enjoyed hanging out with her. She's a few months older than me and her house is very nice. Not only is her house bigger than mine, it's also really clean. I can't help but notice that there aren't big piles of toys and dirty blankets everywhere. Something tells me that if I spit up on the floor it would get cleaned up right away and not sit there waiting for the cats to lick it up. Also, their house has stairs and a big TV. Her dad must work harder than mine. I bet her mom and dad also get to all of their thank you notes right away!

~:O

Karamu, Fiesta, Forever

posted by Evan Jake at 11:44 PM

...All night long... I'm finally getting some sleep at night. But am I sleeping through the night yet?


Here's a picture of me looking happy and well rested (and unbelievably cute, as always). I love taking naps during the day -- I'll take as many as six. I know it seems like a lot, but compared to those lazy cats I see lounging around the house all the time, six naps is small potatoes!

I'll take a nice long nap in the morning, several throughout the afternoon and a nice long one in the evening. I especially like napping in the car, which would be the biggest reason I love car rides. All of my naps are usually preceded by several minutes of screaming and hysteria. This is just to remind mom that even though I'm about to go to sleep, she better not forget who's in charge.

In addition to my napping, I'm starting to get more and more sleep at night, too. I'm sure mom gets lonely when I don't see her for several hours, but I just need the rest too badly. I get worried that she might not be able to fall asleep.

A few times in the last week I've slept not just three or four hours, but seven hours in a row! Oh, it feels so good to sleep like that. It's been at least three months since I've been able to sleep that well. Even with all that sleeping, mom and dad still haven't given me credit for sleeping through the night yet.

"Sleeping through the night" is a milestone that all us babies shoot for from the moment we're born. Dad says I need to sleep for eight hours straight for it to technically count as "sleeping through the night." Mom says she'd like to see me aim for fourteen hours a night, and nothing less. I'd love to sleep fourteen hours straight. But my peaceful sleep is usually interrupted by a wet diaper, hunger or gasiness (dad's, not mine).

Everyone seems to stay up pretty late in this house (except for the cats who are always sleeping). I, myself, don't usually get to sleep until almost midnight. Which is fine, because then I get to stay up and watch The Daily Show with dad.

Well [yawn], I'm getting a bit sleepy now. I think I'll go climb into crib and see how things go. Here's hoping for a good eight hours!

~:O

90-Day Money Back Guarantee

posted by Evan Jake at 8:36 AM

Boy, how time flies. Can you believe I'm three months old today?! It seems like only a short time ago, I was just getting born!

I'm growing bigger everyday and everything is changing so fast. Mom and dad tell me I'm the most amazing and advanced baby ever. So I thought I might check some benchmarks to see how I'm really doing at my three-month birthday.

According to the baby instruction manual mom has, at three months I should be able to:

• Lie on my stomach and lift my head 45 degrees: Even though I hate tummy time, I can do this if I feel like it. It's quite impressive when you consider that my head is in the 95th percentile and my body is in the 50th. (In case you're wondering, I'm in the 99th percentile of cuteness.)


• Laugh out loud: I smile a lot, but living with these two knucklehead parents is no laughing matter. I will, however, laugh to myself every time I see dad trip over one of my toys on the living room floor.


• Bring both my hands together: Yes, I can bring my hands together, but I'm hoping to soon be able to clap my hands just a little bit louder now.


• Follow an object six inches away from my face, moved from side to side: Please, stop holding things so close to my face; it makes me go cross-eyed. And stop waving them from side to side. It's nauseating, and I spit up often enough as it is!


• Say consonant-vowel combinations such as "ah-goo": Why say something as benign as "ah-goo" when a good scream is so much more effective?


• Hold my head steady when upright: What do you expect, should I bob my head wildly from side to side?


• Bear weight on my legs when held upright: Yes, I can bear weight on my legs. I only weigh 12 pounds. If you'd just prop me up and let go, you'd see I can stand and balance completely on only one leg.


• Reach for an object: Oh, I'm reaching for an object, alright. I've had my eyes set on those car keys for weeks! I love car rides. Another three months and I'm outta here!!

~:O

Hi, Nana and Papa!

posted by Evan Jake at 8:38 PM

Today I got to meet my nana and papa. I've now met four different grandparents. I wonder how many more there are!

Nana and papa like reading my blog, but they asked me not to mention about them. Well, I'm not going to write about politics, American Idol or Dungeons and Dragons. So if I get some visitors, they're going in the blog!

I don't know why my nana and papa are so worried about getting a shout-out in the diaperlogue. It seems every time they'd pick me up or say something to me they'd fret, "Boy, I hope this doesn't wind up on your blog, little Evan!" If only they knew this just encourages me even more!

Nana and papa came bearing gifts, of course. It was a cool play mat that amused me for quite a while -- more than five whole minutes! Please note: Gifts from visitors are greatly appreciated. I'm happy to accept clothes, toys, books, plush animals, US savings bonds, stock certificates, foreign currency, oil futures, gold or silver bullion and, of course, cold hard cash.

It was really nice to meet my nana and papa. When nana saw me, without even realizing it the first thing she said was, "Look how cute!" Why should she be surprised. I am adorable!! After mom was done changing my diaper, Nana helped dress me. I don't like getting my clothes put on. I usually cry a lot during dressing time, so she shouldn't take it personally. Lucky for her, I didn't cry nearly as loud as I usually do. A couple days ago, when dad was dressing me, I let out a shriek so loud he thought he had broken me. I was just fine, of course. But it's fun to scream! MAAAAAAAAAAH!

I was having so much fun with nana and papa that I needed a nap. I got really tired and mom put me down to sleep for a bit. But not too long after I fell asleep, I got woken up. I guess nana and papa wanted to spend more time with me. They should know better than to wake a sleeping baby. Man, was I cranky. I would have loved to spend more happy time with them, but I just felt like fussing and screaming.

Eventually, after enough squirming and general crankiness, nana and papa made a convenient excuse to escape and mom took me back for a nap. It was nice meeting them and I look forward to seeing them again soon. They say they might get a house closer to us. Right now their house is like six hours by car. I love car rides, but that sounds pretty far. I know dad doesn't like driving that far alone, let alone having to tote me around the whole time. So I wouldn't mind nana and papa living a little bit closer so we can visit more!

~:O

I'll Be Waiting

posted by Evan Jake at 9:25 PM

I hear that more visitors are coming to see me. I like visitors.

My Nana and Papa are coming in a couple days. I'm quite excited since I haven't met them yet. No doubt they will rave about how cute I am. (I am really cute.) But it does mean I have to clear my schedule this week.

I really did have some important plans lined up. Crying, fussing and sleeping still takes up a significant part of my day. (At night, it's only crying and fussing.) So I'll have to shuffle things around a bit to make time for my visitors. I'll be sure to make time to blog, though.

Nana and Papa are coming to see me, then continuing on to visit some of their other grandchildren. I guess there has to be a critical mass of us to make the long car ride worthwhile. Personally, I love car rides, no matter how many grandkids there are to visit.

Apparently I have a new cousin. She's only a few weeks younger than me and already sleeps 17 hours a night. I'm lucky if I can sleep six hours at night. I'm hoping to meet her in a few weeks. Maybe she can give me some tips on sleeping -- if she ever wakes up!

~:O

CAUGHT!

posted by Evan Jake at 9:19 AM

While Hollywood's paparazzi were getting their pictures of fancy gowns on the red carpet, my own private "pooparazzo" has been fiendishly snapping pictures, trying to capture that elusive smile of mine.

I smile all the time now, but in the hundreds of pictures dad has taken of me, he'd been unsuccessful in catching a single one -- until now.

As of last night, this photo was spreading rapidly over the Internet (dad e-mailed it to at least 20 people already) and word was it wound up in the hands of thesmokinggun.com. This photo is clearly an invasion of my privacy. Had I been aware I was being photographed, I certainly would not been smiling this much.

It is my belief that this photo was taken surreptitiously by a point-and-shoot camera just feet away from me in my living room. At the time the photo was taken, I had a reasonable expectation of privacy in my own home. That privacy was shattered and violated when this pooparazzo took illegal photographs of me with the intent to distribute them to various print publications and other media for commercial gain. My team of lawyers suggested I seek a legal injection, but I just had my shots and I don't like them.

Rather than deal with all the messy courtroom battles and public humiliation, I thought I would go ahead and just post this photo right here on my blog for all my fans to see! Enjoy, but don't expect to see more photos like this any time soon!!

(If you're wondering what all the smiling was about, you can probably assume it had something to do with a car ride. I love car rides!)

~:O

Thank You, Come Again

posted by Evan Jake at 7:18 PM

I had some fun visitors today. My aunt and uncle came for a visit. My uncle looks a lot like dad so I was a bit confused at first. But then he tried to pick me up and I knew right away it wasn't dad. Dad is clueless when it comes to handling me, but my uncle is really a rookie. Whoa!

Turns out my dad and uncle are brothers. That must be weird having a brother. I'm an only child and I'm the center of attention all the time.

I hadn't seen my uncle since that day the mohel came over. So it had been a while. And since I don't remember much from that day, it was good to see him again. I was keeping an eye out for that mohel guy though, just in case.

My aunt is a fun lady who made me smile a lot. She would talk in a high-pitched voice and I would give her a grin. If my uncle made an attempt to pick me up, I'd start to cry. Not because I don't like him, I just wanted to mess with him. Plus, if my crying makes him freaked out about babies, maybe I won't have to compete for attention with cousins any time soon.

My aunt and uncle also brought me a cool teddy bear dressed like a baseball player. I was glad to see I'm not the only one that gets dressed up in silly outfits. The bear didn't look too happy about it either. I really like the bear, but I think it was just a bribe from my aunt and uncle to get me to write about them on my blog. Mission accomplished, I guess.

It had been two months since my aunt and uncle had last seen me, so they noticed how much I'd changed. They kept pointing out how much fatter I'd gotten and how my hair has fallen out. It was like I was at a high school reunion. I thought I was the cutest baby ever, but I guess I've been letting myself go.

My aunt and uncle stayed for dinner and then made sure they found a good excuse to leave before my evening fussy time. They don't know what they're missing -- or maybe they do which is why they don't have any babies yet. It sounds like we might go visit them at their house sometime. Except they live two hours away. I've never been on a car ride that far. But given how I love car rides, I can't wait!

~:O

No Artificial Flavors

posted by Evan Jake at 8:31 PM

So my doctor thinks I might have food allergies. But I don't eat food, only milk. So I'm not sure what she's talking about.

Mom took the doctor's advice anyway and has gone and changed her diet, which stinks for her. She must like plain chicken and rice a lot, because that's all she eats now. It's called the "elimination diet." I think it's called that because it eliminates all the joy from of eating. Me, I really haven't noticed a difference.

So mom and dad tried giving me some fake milk instead. Notice I used the word "tried."

This fake milk stuff smells terrible and tastes even worse. Mom even tasted some of it herself and she agreed that it's pretty bad. "Yuk, this is gross," she said, cramming a bottle into my mouth. So I cried and cried. I refused to eat that stuff. I'll go on a hunger strike before I eat any more of that crud. Give me the good stuff!

Mom eventually gave up and caved to my demands. I'm only twelve pounds, but I'm in charge here. I think mom and dad are learning...finally.

Speaking of the doctor, mom took me to today to get more shots. I didn't realize where we were going at first. I was just so excited to go in the car (I love car rides). When I woke up from the ride, I was there in that cold office again, getting my clothes taken off. Then that sneaky nurse came out of nowhere and got me right in the leg. It hurt really bad. Naturally, I screamed really loud.

Now that I had those shots, I feel really lousy again. Mom will give me more of that tasty purple medicine to make me feel better. I like the purple medicine. If only the fake milk tasted that good!

~:O