DiaperReports: B&O Railroad Museum

posted by Evan Jake at 5:49 PM

All Aboard!
Today Dadda took me out on a special trip to the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad Museum in downtown Baltimore. I had a great time, just me and Dadda.

I got in for free because Dadda lied about my age and said I was under two. Man, he's cheap. I've proudly been a two-year old for two weeks now! I thought for sure he'd break out that old college ID of his for an extra discount, too. But that didn't happen. I guess he's realized it's hard to pass for 19 when you have a two-year old with you.

The B&O Railroad Museum celebrates the oldest railway in the US and the history of trains. Dating back to 1830, the tracks leading out of the museum are part of the first railroad in America. The museum is housed inside the old train roundhouse where they would spin around big trains and move them from place to place. It's a huge building filled with lots of big trains and engines.

I have lots of books on trains and have seen them on my videos a lot, but I'd never gotten to see a real train up close. So this museum was a special treat. That's me in the picture standing in front of a giant steam engine.

Not only were there real live trains, there were also huge displays of toy trains. There were all these old men playing with the toy trains and they wouldn't let any of us kids touch them. All of the train sets were really elaborate and huge. They would fill our entire house and then some! I loved watching them pass by. The toy trains were amazing.

After marveling at the toy trains, Dadda took me outside where we got to go on a real train ride! Behind the museum, they have some old MARC commuter train cars that everyone gets to ride on. (Who says MARC trains don't run on the weekends!) The conductor yelled, "All aboard!" and I rushed to take my window seat. The train slowly pulled out of the station and I could hardly contain my excitement. My first train ride!

The train ride lasted about 20 minutes total and headed about a mile into west Baltimore and back. Unlike the model trains that travel through miniature bucolic woods, alongside tiny neon-lit diners and past replica Victorian train stations, this big train runs through some of the worst slums in North America. I've heard the phrase, "the other side of the tracks," but it looked pretty bad on both sides! At one point, Dadda had to shield me from a lewd act being performed in the bushes next to the tracks.

Despite the bleak tour of graffiti tagged buildings, rust yards and illicit behaviors, I loved the train ride. When we pulled back into the station, I dashed off with a spring in my step.

The roundhouse and the collection inside was severely damaged when the historic roof collapsed after a 2003 blizzard. But you wouldn't know it today. The B&O Railroad Museum is one of Baltimore's true gems and maintains it direct connection to America's industrial past -- blemishes and all. It's an institution everyone in Baltimore (and America) should be supporting as they fully rebuild. I'll definitely be asking Dadda to take me back there again some day soon! Maybe he won't skimp them out on my admission next time.

~:O

In the Year 2000

posted by Evan Jake at 7:40 PM

Fast forward...

The year is 2023. The place is an Ivy League University. The setting is my first night at college and my freshman roommate has just arrived.

Evan Jake: Hi, my name is Evan Jake.
Roommate: Hi, roomie.
EJ: Welcome to our room. This should be a fun year.
RM: I'll say.
EJ: You know, I skipped my senior year of high school because I was accepted to college a year early.
RM: Really, you're that smart?
EJ: Well, I don't like to brag. So I let my perfect SAT scores do the talking.
RM: Wow, you are amazing. Say something brilliant.
EJ: "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."
RM: Huh?
EJ: Don't you recognize Nietzsche?
RM: Yeah, whatever. Say, Evan Jake. Can I ask you a question?
EJ: Absolutely. Just don't get all existential on me. My id can't take it right now.
RM: No, it's a simple question, really.
EJ: Shoot.
RM: What's that thing over your bed?
EJ: Oh, what this? That's my tent!
RM: Why do you have a tent over your bed?
EJ: Well, when I was just barely two-years old, I figured out how to climb out of my crib. So my Momma and Dadda got me this tent to put over my crib.
RM: Right, so why do you still have it?
EJ: I just loved my tent so much that Momma and Dadda were just never able to wean me off it. I've slept with this tent over my bed ever since.
RM: If you sleep in a tent, then where's your sleeping bag?
EJ: Sleep in a sleeping bag on top of my bed for the entire semester? That would be crazy.
RM: Yeah, crazy.
EJ: Hey, roomie, I'm going to turn in for the night. Will you zip up my tent?
RM: Sure thing.
EJ: I've got class at 9:15 tomorrow, so will you unzip me around 8?
RM: I'll see what I can do.
EJ: Thanks. Nite-nite.

~:O

Geronimo!

posted by Evan Jake at 8:10 PM

Sorry, I haven't blogged lately. I've been off trying out all my new toys.

You see, I had this really fun party for my second birthday not long ago and I got lots of cool presents. Thanks to everyone who was there. I had fun singing songs, playing crafts and eating pizza with you.

Even people who weren't there sent me gifts. Like my Nana and Papa who sent me this great easel. That's me in the picture letting out my inner child through painting.

Plus there were extra toys for Hanukkah and Christmas. Wow, what a jackpot.

I love all my new toys so much, I want to play with them all the time. So tonight, when Momma and Dadda tried to put me to bed, I wouldn't have it. I wanted out. So I finally did it...I got out of my crib all by myself!!!

I guess it just took the right motivation for me to do it. And a good bit of leverage, with a dash of brazen courage.

How I did it is my little secret. I don't want Momma and Dadda to know how I got out because then they'd try to find a way to keep me in there. So Momma and Dadda can put me in that crib every night. But they will only have to wait a few minutes for that tell-tale "whump." And moments later, I'll be there at the doorway grinning.

Game on.

~:O

Downhill from Here

posted by Evan Jake at 7:26 PM

What a drag it is getting old...

Me and my friends kicked it pre-school style today in honor of my birthday and I'm a bit hung over from all the sugar. I guess I'm not as young and resilient as I thought.

Stay tuned for more photos and stories from my big birthday bash when I've recovered...and Momma and Dadda, too.

~:O

Double Trouble

posted by Evan Jake at 12:00 PM

Since my last birthday, I've doubled in age! Talk about getting old...

Join me over at Evan Jake's Second Birthday Special Edition blog:

http://evanjakessecondbirthdayspecialedition.blogspot.com



~:O

DiaperReports: Pampers Diapers

posted by Evan Jake at 3:17 PM

The kind people at Pampers^® recently contacted diaperlogue asking that I review their Baby Dry™ diapers for this blog. I don't usually offer to review unsolicited materials. But because I have so thoroughly enjoyed Pampers^® brand goods over the years, I agreed. You can now read all of my "DiaperReports" on my new companion blog: DiaperReports.blogspot.com.

PAMPERS^® BABY DRY™ DIAPERS
Fifty years ago, Victor Mills revolutionized the way babies messed themselves when he introduced a new invention: the disposable diaper. Thus the Pampers^® brand was born. Landfills and newborn tushies have never been the same. And the brand has become so ubiquitous, people will often refer to diapers simply as "Pampers" -- much like people call facial tissues "Kleenex," medical bandages "Band-Aids" and babies "Evan Jakes." (Okay, maybe I'm stretching a little bit on that last one.)

Since Pampers^® disposable diapers have been around for so long and have been worn by generations of American babies, it's difficult to find a truly fresh and objective approach to review their products. So I've developed a few tests based on classic scientific experiments to develop my own assessment. For each experiment a single clean size 4 Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diaper was taken directly from the packaging in which it had been stored at room temperature at standard atmospheric pressure and humidity for 72 hours. In each instance a control diaper was excluded and worn by the tester for the duration of the experiment for comparative results.

Superabsorbency
How much liquid can these diapers hold anyway? This experiment was designed to show just how much liquid an intact disposable diaper can contain. A 4-ounce sippy cup was filled to capacity with water and poured directly into the diaper -- essentially removing the middle-baby. Blue food coloring was added to the water for that cool effect they get in the commercials.

Results: The diaper easily absorbed a single sippy cup of water. Good news for us babies. The diaper also easily absorbed a second and third 4-ounce sippy cup. At this point, the diaper lining became noticeably swollen and heavy, but it did not leak. A fourth 4-ounce sippy cup was poured onto the diaper. The diaper absorbed a total of 16-ounces of liquid without any leakage. The diaper, now quite turgid from all the liquid, was disected to reveal the superabsorbent polymers inside. Click here for a photo. The control diaper worn for the duration of the experiment also absorbed the contents of the tester's sippy cup consumed earlier that morning. The volume absorbed was considerably less than four sippy-cups worth. No trip to the baby urologist required.

Accelerated Oxidation
For this test, a single diaper was introduced to an ignition source to determine it's properties of flamability. The tester sought supervision from his Dadda for this experiment, while Momma observed with an annoyed look. The diaper was placed on a sheet of aluminum foil on the backyard family barbeque. A lighted match was placed in the tushy area of the diaper while Dadda stood by with a pitcher of water in case things got out of control.

Results: It took several seconds for the diaper to fully ignite. At first, there was just smoke as the plastic coating melted. The paper and fabric then slowly burned in a dull orange flame. It took several minutes for the entire diaper to catch on fire. Click here for a photo. The burning happened so slowly that Dadda became bored with the experiment and doused the flames to extinguish the smoldering diaper. The control diaper worn by the tester remained dry and clean throughout the test and safely away from the flames. The control diaper, however, was unable to extinguish the burning sensation caused by a case of diaper rash acquired a few days earlier. The sound of the water pouring on the burning diaper did induce the tester to wet myself. The liquid was acceptably contained.

Applied Gravatational Fields
Can a diaper protect a falling bottom and any messy contents therein? For this experiment, a store-bought Grade A chicken egg was wrapped in a diaper and dropped from the second floor of our townhome down to the carpeted basement via an open stairwell.

Results: The egg broke. What, are you surprised? But the yolk, shell and egg whites were all neatly contained without the diaper leaking or rupturing onto the basement carpeting. Click here for a photo.The control diaper worn by the tester did experience a drop of approximately 18 inches during the experiment. This gravitational accelleration was caused by the tester having an oopsie on his bottom when running across the kitchen floor to get an egg out of the refrigerator. As in the case of the subject diaper, the control did not rupture or leak after the fall and actually provided a protective padding to the aforementioned tushy preventing any unnecessary tears.

Dactylographic Assessment
Can a diaper write Shakespeare? Applying classic theories of probability, as redirected from Emile Borel's theorems, this experiment was designed to determine whether or not an infinite number of diapers sitting at an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time could replicate a work by William Shakespeare.

Results: Given that the tester was only supplied with a "Jumbo" pack, containing 34 diapers, testing the infinite theorem proved impractical. However, it was observed that a single disposable diaper, after being placed in front of a computer for 40 minutes, did not demonstrate any keyboarding capabilities. For an additional 40 minutes, the diaper was left in front of the keyboard with a volume of Shakespeare's plays open and in visible sight. No change could be identified. Click here for a photo. It is therefore concluded that a disposable diaper cannot write Shakespeare. The control diaper remained comfortably fitting during the course of this experiment but failed to contain an odor emitting from what Shakespeare might have referred to as a "poopie in thine pants." Which leads me to believe that a Pampers^® by any other name would still smell as stinky.

Quantam Diapers
I call this final experiement "Schroedinger's Diaper." Based on a classic thought experiment used in quantam mechanics to describe the superposition of subatomic particles, this test evaluated whether or not a disposable diaper can exist in multiple states simultaneously. For the experiment, a clean diaper was placed into a sealed box with a precariously balanced sippy cup full of water. Also sealed in the box was a kitty cat. If the kitty cat freaked out, the liquid would spill and soil the diaper. If the kitty cat stayed calm and took a nap, as she does most of the time anyway, the liquid would not spill and the diaper would remain clean. Because there are no external indicators of the two possible outcomes, at the moment before the lid is opened the diaper is both soiled and clean.

Results: The cat was too fast and too wiggly for me to get her in the box. So a stuffed polyester replica of a kitty cat was sealed in the box instead. Click here for a photo. When the lid was opened, the pretend kitty cat had not moved, the water had not spilled and the diaper remained clean. The control diaper worn during the experiment had meanwhile become soiled by the tester. However, the diaper did such a good job of containing any leaks that the tester's Dadda didn't even notice I was badly overdue for a diaper change. When Momma pointed this out, Dadda refused to acknowledge his neglect. Therefore, the diaper was both soiled and clean at the same time, proving the ability for a disposable diaper to exist in two different states simultaneously.

Summary of Findings
Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diapers hold a lot of liquid -- more than any human baby can put out in a reasonable time period. They burn slowly but do not extinguish diaper rash. They are well padded and protect your tushy while preventing rupture. They do such a good job of keeping babies dry, they can be both clean and soiled at the same time. What they can't do is write Shakespeare.

I would say Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diapers are so comfortable and absorbent, that one wonders why potty training is even necessary. I see Dadda always having to get up from in front of the TV or Momma having to stop the car to go to the potty. Meanwhile I can sit for hours and never have to move thanks to my Pampers^®!

Rating
Preferred Choice -- Highly recommended

~:O