Thanks, Mob

posted by Evan Jake at 9:13 PM

I have come down with a nasty little cold. Thanks, mob. I know I got it from you. If you thought I was a difficult baby before, wait until you see be will this bad sniffle and hacking cough.

So not only do I feel lousy, I also have all this liquid in by nose. Now, when I cry, it sounds all raspy and nasal. I can't even cry like I norbally do! Of course, as soon as I showed signs of getting ill, you rushed be right off to the doctor, like the neurotic new mob that you are. (At least another car ride was involved -- I lub car rides.)

Hopefully I'll be better in a few days. If not for by sake, then for mob and dad's!

~:O

Daddy Time

posted by Evan Jake at 11:34 PM

Today, dad came home from work a little early. That's nothing out of the ordinary, as I don't think he really works all that much. But then mom got all dressed up. She put on really nice clothes. I wanted to spit up on them! Then she smeared this colored stuff all over eyes, lips and cheeks. I'd never seen her do that in my four short months! She looked and smelled very pretty.

I knew that today mom was going to meet some people about a job. That's why I cried all night and kept her up -- so she would be good and exhausted for her meeting. Mom is actually a teacher and she's hoping to go back to work in a few months. I don't really understand this. If she's working, and dad's working (most of the time), what happens to me? Aren't I work enough already? If I'm not keeping you busy, I'll do more. No problem. Just don't leave me all alone!

After dad dropped mom off at her meeting, he took me on another car ride (he knows I love car rides). I don't think dad and I had been out on the road before without mom. Mom and I go out alone all the time. But when dad takes me out, mom has always been there, too.

So dad and I stopped at some greasy fast food place. I just laughed as I watched dad try to carry me in one arm and his food tray in the other. It was obvious he'd never done this before. He didn't know what to do. I was waiting for either me or his meal to wind up on the floor. Looking at that disgusting floor, it was certainly not somewhere I'd want to end up.

Dad then put me in my stroller and we walked around a shopping area. Dad and I saw all these other babies getting pushed around by their moms. None of them were with their dads. I think dad felt a little out of place. But he did an okay job. I tried not to fuss -- until mom called. As soon as dad's cell phone rang and he started talking to mom, I started crying. She thought I'd been crying the entire time and that dad was doing a terrible job (even though really he wasn't). So he rushed right back to pick up mom. When we saw her, I think he was happier to see her than I was!

~:O

348 Months

posted by Evan Jake at 2:20 PM

Happy Birthday, dad! How does it feel to be 348 months?

According to the dad manual, at 348 months, you should be capable of caring for a child (this includes being able to change a diaper in under ten minutes), have a decent retirement savings started and be able to afford a flat-screen TV. By 360 months you should own a minivan, gain another 15 pounds and your pants will migrate another two inches north. We'll check back then to see how you're doing.

Meanwhile, Mom and I went out to buy you one of those big TVs while you were at work today. But I was just too fussy and cranky, so we had to leave the store. That's why mom got you only a card instead. It's all my fault. At least that's what she'll tell you, even though it never happened. Except the part about me being fussy and cranky. That really did happen.

I may give you a hard time, dad, but I should give you a little credit, especially on your birthday. You go to work everyday (almost) to buy me toys and clothes, you play with me, you try to read me books, you play me loud music and take me on lots of car rides -- I love car rides. As a present, maybe tonight I'll let you sleep and then give you a smile in the morning. Notice I said "maybe." Happy birthday, dad.

~:O

I'm a Junkie

posted by Evan Jake at 10:19 PM

Turning four months old unfortunately means another visit to the doctor. So I got woken up from my morning nap to get piled in the car. As much as I love car rides, this was not a good time. I was quite cranky. But I didn't seem to have a choice in the matter.

Mom and dad dragged me into the doctor where I got stripped down, weighed, measured and slapped down on a paper sheet. I'm getting to know the routine by now. The good news is I'm growing taller. The bad news is I'm putting on weight. The extra rolls of fat on my arms and legs gave me the impression I'd been getting heavier, but the scale proved that today. I'm now tipping out at about 14 1/2 pounds. That's almost twice as much as I weighed when I was born! When was the last time you doubled your weight in four months? It doesn't seem right.

When the doctor came in she asked mom and dad how I was doing. Mom and dad then spent the next half hour telling the doctor what terrible baby I am. That I don't sleep much, that I fuss about eating, that I'm cranky a lot and that I cry too much. The doctor looked me over and said there's basically nothing wrong with me. And in not so many words told mom and dad that they are the ones who are terrible! Okay, she didn't quite say that. But I could tell she was thinking it.

Yes, I'm a willful baby. No one tells me when to go to sleep or what to eat. I'm in charge here. That's just the way it is. If that makes me a difficult baby, then guilty as charged.

After the doctor left, another woman came in and poked me in both my legs -- twice! Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. In case the first one didn't hurt, here's three more. She then gave me little band-aids with cartoon pictures on them. As if I care.

Since the shots tend to make me feverish, the doctor told mom to give me a double dose of that purple medicine. So when I got home, mom drugged me up good. I went right to sleep and slept all afternoon! That was nice. Oh, I think it's time for another dose!

~:O

What, Me Sephardic?

posted by Evan Jake at 10:36 AM

Yesterday was the big four...months that is. We didn't do anything special to celebrate my four-month birthday, except go on a car ride. I love car rides, so that was party enough for me.

But this morning, mom and dad decided to try celebrating in a different way. You see, yesterday while we were out, dad stopped to get a bite to eat. As I sat there next to him, I must have been staring at him while he ate. Apparently with every bite he took, I was making chewing motions and drooling. Drooling is pretty much par for the course, but the chewing must have signaled to mom and dad that I was curious about eating. So they decided it might be a good time to get me off that all-milk diet I've been on.

This morning after my regular meal, mom put me in my high chair, put a bib around my neck and started coming at me with a spoon. She had a little bowl of rice cereal made up just for me. I didn't think rice was kosher for Passover, but dad said Sephardics allow rice so it's okay. Hey, dad, judging by your lunch yesterday, they must allow pizza, too?

Anyway, the first spoonful was kind of weird. Mom just shoved it in there. It was kind of interesting. I just held my mouth open with the food inside. It felt odd on my tongue, so I spit it out. Mom tried a second spoonful. Again, I ended up spitting it out. But mom was persistent. By the fifth or sixth spoonful (which was probably the same recycled cereal as the several before it) I finally tried swallowing. And you know what? It wasn't half bad. I actually started to like it. After a couple more mouthfuls of food, I was positively giddy! I even finished the whole bowl. In fact, since I had spit so much of it back out, I probably ate the whole bowl twice!

Okay, enough of this rice cereal. Time for some real food. But please spare me the gefilte fish. Bring on the Baskin-Robbins! Rocky Road, please.

~:O

That Would Have Been Enough!

posted by Evan Jake at 5:54 PM

Last night a bunch of people came over to our house for a holiday called Passover. Dad explained to me that on Passover we have a seder, retelling the story of Exodus as quickly as we can before eating a big meal. Apparently Passover celebrates how the first-born children were spared. I can dig that.

So when the Jews went out of Egypt, they had to wander in the desert for forty years. I guess that's because they didn't have cars. That's too bad for the babies back then, because I love car rides.

Before the seder, everyone sat around and talked about how cute I am. The conversation also seemed to center a lot around my diapers and what's in them. I don't know why everyone is so curious. Is nothing off limits? I decided to take a nap during the seder. I figured I should take advantage of that excuse while I still have the chance.

As soon as I heard the seder finish, I cried so mom would come get me. In the dining room, everyone had big plates of food while I was only given a couple toys to chew on. I was a little jealous. But then I spotted some of that gefilte fish and matzoh. Slimy grey meat and dry crackers? This is what I have to look forward to? Yeck! I'll stick with my all-milk diet, thank you.

~:O

Baby On Board

posted by Evan Jake at 5:24 PM

I love car rides. When I used to say that, I had no idea car rides could be so long!

I've been late catching up on my blog, because mom and dad took me on a long road trip to North Carolina. I went to visit my aunt and uncle, two cousins and their two cats and a dog. That dog was the biggest dog I've ever seen -- okay, it was the only dog I've ever seen. They all live in a big new house with stairs and a flat-screen TV. Mom and dad wanted me to visit, but didn't want me getting too comfortable.

My one cousin is a few weeks younger than me, so I thought I could share some older-cousin wisdom with her. She hardly ever cries. And when she does, it's only a little whimpering sound. I tried to show her how much louder I could scream and how much more often. I also tried to show her that if you keep waking up in the middle of the night, mom and dad will come running to pick you up. For some reason, she just prefers to sleep all night. How boring.

With the cats, a big dog, my baby cousin and a two-year old running around, the house was full of activity. It was so much more fun and more interesting than what I do everyday. But after a while it got to be sensory overload. I couldn't sleep and all I wanted to do was watch what was going on. It all left me a little weary and even crankier than usual.

My aunt and uncle look like very good parents. They seem to really know what they're doing. I hope mom and dad were taking notes. They're still pretty clueless when it comes to taking care of me.

As much as I loved meeting my family, the best part, by far, was the five hour car ride each way. I love car rides. Mom sat in the back with me and kept me company, giving me my pacifier or handing me toys whenever I fussed. On the way there, dad pulled over to meet a nice man in a shiny car. Turns out the man was a state trooper giving dad a commendation on his ability to operate a motor vehicle at speeds in excess of the posted limit. I guess dad wasn't that special though, because I saw several other drivers getting awards, too. The good news is that in North Carolina, you have to appear in court personally to pick up your commendation. So maybe I'll get to make another trip soon!

~:O

The 26th Man

posted by Evan Jake at 11:00 PM

Mom says I may not being seeing much of dad anymore. Not that I see him very much now. But for the next six months, I'll be seeing him even less. Why?

Today was the first day of baseball season.

Not only did dad try to subject me to watching a baseball game on TV, he held me on his lap while he watched clips of other games on ESPN and kept me from blogging because he was checking box scores for the games he just watched and then saw the highlights of. Then again, watching baseball is still better than those stupid Baby Einstein videos. The DVDs have so many previews and introductions and warnings before them, I'm usually crying by the time the video actually starts.

I haven't decided if I like baseball yet or if I will like a particular team. Dad has a favorite team that doesn't even play in this city. Even though he can't watch them on TV here, he can usually pick up the games on the car radio. Apparently dad likes to drive around for no reason just to listen to the games. If he wanted to take me along, that's something I could get used to -- I love car rides.

Dad wants to get me a little baseball cap. Not so I'll like baseball, but so it can cover my bald little head. (I think a few new sprouts are coming in. It may not be much longer!)

Maybe someday soon mom and dad will take me to a real game. I bet I could scream really loud there and no one would notice!

~:O

Easiest Baby on the Block

posted by Evan Jake at 3:10 PM

I'm just feeling so well rested today. Last night I slept for nearly 18 hours straight. I got up and played in my swing quietly for almost an hour, then did tummy time by myself (I love tummy time) before going peacefully down for a nice long nap -- all on my own.

The weather's gotten so nice, mom and dad took me out for a walk. I really prefer walking to the car -- I hate car rides. When I say I went for a walk, I mean I really went for a walk. One foot in front of the other. It was a lot of fun. Forget that whole rolling over thing!

I also decided this morning, rather than messing my diaper, I might try using the pot all on my own. What a pleasure it was not to be peeing my pants. No more diapers for me. Now whenever I need to make, I just walk myself right into the bathroom!

For dinner, I'm hoping to join mom and dad for a burger and fries. I'm tired of the modified Atkins all-milk, all-the-time diet. After my nice big meal, I guess I'll go back into bed, go right to sleep and not wake up again the entire night.

I figure mom and dad deserve some time to themselves because they've been doing such a good job with me. I don't think two people have ever been more ready to take such wonderful care of an easy baby like me!

~:P