348 Months
posted by Evan Jake at 2:20 PM
Happy Birthday, dad! How does it feel to be 348 months?
According to the dad manual, at 348 months, you should be capable of caring for a child (this includes being able to change a diaper in under ten minutes), have a decent retirement savings started and be able to afford a flat-screen TV. By 360 months you should own a minivan, gain another 15 pounds and your pants will migrate another two inches north. We'll check back then to see how you're doing.
Meanwhile, Mom and I went out to buy you one of those big TVs while you were at work today. But I was just too fussy and cranky, so we had to leave the store. That's why mom got you only a card instead. It's all my fault. At least that's what she'll tell you, even though it never happened. Except the part about me being fussy and cranky. That really did happen.
I may give you a hard time, dad, but I should give you a little credit, especially on your birthday. You go to work everyday (almost) to buy me toys and clothes, you play with me, you try to read me books, you play me loud music and take me on lots of car rides -- I love car rides. As a present, maybe tonight I'll let you sleep and then give you a smile in the morning. Notice I said "maybe." Happy birthday, dad.
~:O
Happy Birthday, dad! How does it feel to be 348 months?According to the dad manual, at 348 months, you should be capable of caring for a child (this includes being able to change a diaper in under ten minutes), have a decent retirement savings started and be able to afford a flat-screen TV. By 360 months you should own a minivan, gain another 15 pounds and your pants will migrate another two inches north. We'll check back then to see how you're doing.
Meanwhile, Mom and I went out to buy you one of those big TVs while you were at work today. But I was just too fussy and cranky, so we had to leave the store. That's why mom got you only a card instead. It's all my fault. At least that's what she'll tell you, even though it never happened. Except the part about me being fussy and cranky. That really did happen.
I may give you a hard time, dad, but I should give you a little credit, especially on your birthday. You go to work everyday (almost) to buy me toys and clothes, you play with me, you try to read me books, you play me loud music and take me on lots of car rides -- I love car rides. As a present, maybe tonight I'll let you sleep and then give you a smile in the morning. Notice I said "maybe." Happy birthday, dad.
~:O
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