Happy Birthday, Mom!

posted by Evan Jake at 6:33 PM

This weekend mom and dad did more shopping for a "biggie van" and this time they took me along. I think the main reason they brought me was so that the car salesman would feel sorry for me in my helmet and give mom and dad a better price on the car. Okay, maybe mom and dad were exploiting me, but I didn't care. I got to ride in a brand new car.

Mom took my car chair, put it into the demo and took me for a test drive to get my opinion. I didn't like it at first. It was strange and I started to cry. I didn't have my little mirror to look into. And none of my toys came with me. So I was feeling fussy. But then I heard mom asking about getting a TV installed in the car. A TV player in the car?! That is so pimped out. I settled down after that.

So today, being mom's birthday and all, dad took her to the car store to close the deal. It was her birthday present. But actually it was more of a present for me. Because without me, I'm sure mom would be driving a sweet little convertible with no back seat. I think I would like a convertible and the feeling of the wind blowing through my helmet. But then where would my stroller, diaper bag, toy bin and DVD player go? A "biggie van" is totally the way to go.

The new van is called a "Sienna" even though it's really greyish-blue. According to Toyota Motor Coporation, the color is actually called "slate metallic." Whatever you call it, it's certainly not "sienna." The color "sienna" is defined as "yellowish-brown" or "reddish-brown." There's only one thing I know of that meets that color description. And I'm sitting in it right now. Little help, please!

Mom picked me up from daycare in her new car. I'm glad to know that while I'm in daycare she's hard at work spending money. I didn't even get to come along to help pick out the color. Mom did mention that they are getting a TV installed for me. But then I realized that I face backwards in my car seat. So I won't even be able to see the TV. What's the point of that? Maybe I'll be able to watch in my mirror.

TV or no TV, I'm looking forward to riding around in my new "biggie van." That's me in the picture reaching for the door so I can go for a ride. Helmet baby love car rides!

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Still Flat

posted by Evan Jake at 6:14 PM

I've had my cool helmet for over two weeks now. I still don't really mind it, but I think the novelty has worn off. With all the cold weather right now, it's actually coming in handy to keep my head warm. And when dad slips with me on the ice, it will come in very handy.

The helmet is supposed to be making my head rounder, but I think it's still pretty flat under there. I guess it doesn't happen overnight. It happens over many, many days and nights.

Luckily my helmet is probably hiding the fact that I might be in line for another hair cut. I didn't really like getting my hair cut the first time, even though I did like the way it looked when I was finished. Now my hair is getting all shabby again. But maybe mom and dad won't notice and I won't have to go back to that butcher. That's me in the picture showing off my tousled hair after a long day in the helmet.

The other thing I've noticed since I got my helmet, is that there seems to be this strange odor following me around all the time. It seems to get worse later in the day. I wonder where it's coming from. It's not coming from my diaper. I know what that smells like. This one is different. I'm afraid the smell is coming from my helmet. Maybe mom should use some stronger shampoo on my hair. Because when that helmet comes off at bathtime, I imagine it's something like I've seen in those Pepe le Pew cartoons. It's almost as bad as dad's feet when he takes off his shoes.

Meanwhile, no one has come to visit me in my helmet. That hurts my feelings. It makes me think no one wants to see my helmet. I need visitors to bring me toys. Helmet baby need pity!

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Do They Come Pre-Bronzed?

posted by Evan Jake at 6:57 PM

For several months now, I've been wearing these nice soft leather slippers for my feet. They're called Robeez. My Robeez provided ample protection for the bottoms of my precious little feet, while still giving me flexibility and comfort. But now that I'm walking (and running) mom and dad thought it was time for me to wear something more substantial on my tootsies.

This weekend, mom and dad took me to the shoe store at the mall. I like shopping at the shoe store. I get that from mom. I got my foot measured -- I'm a 4 1/2 -- and got to try on my very first pair of real shoes.

Putting those shoes on the for the very first time was really weird. It was like wearing helmets on my feet! At first I had a little trouble walking. I felt like I had to lift my legs up really high to walk. They were just so clunky compared to my light and comfy Robeez. I fell a few times. Good thing I've got my head helmet.

Those are my new shoes in the picture. I like them and think they're some pretty cool kicks. Now I just a need them in a few more colors to go with all my different outfits. That probably won't happen, because I heard dad complaining about how my shoes costed almost as much as his do. He says there are probably cheaper shoes that would be just as good.

What he doesn't understand is that I really need these shoes. People look at me and say how adorable I am all the time. What do you think makes me so cute? Is it the shoes? Is it the shoes? Helmet baby say, "It's gotta be the shoes!"

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Growing and Growing

posted by Evan Jake at 6:03 PM

I'm growing new teeth. I'm growing more hair. I'm growing out of my clothes. And as a family we're growing out of almost everything.

Mom and dad went to look at some new houses a couple weeks ago, but we're still here. No stairs yet.

Now this week mom and dad went looking at bigger cars. I'm just one little baby, but I guess I take up a lot of space. Or maybe it's just all the stuff that comes with me. Hey, I need those toys!

I didn't get to go along to look at cars. Mom and dad went and drove a few cars without me. How could they do that? They know how much I love car rides!

Dad said these bigger cars are called "mini-vans." If they're so big, why are they called mini? I think they should be called "biggie-vans"? Dad didn't seem too happy with the whole "biggie-van" thing. I think mom is making him do it. Naturally, he blames me.

I'm just worried that mom and dad can't afford to buy both a house with stairs and a "biggie-van." Maybe they're planning to move us out of the house and into the van. Dad said he plans to park the van down by the river.

If mom and dad decide to get a "biggie-van," I know they will choose one that is very safe. With the way dad drives, a safe car is important. Even though I wear a helmet for now, I won't be wearing it forever. So, mom and dad, be sure to get the side-curtain airbags and traction control. Oh, and a built in DVD player. May as well get the leather seats, sunroof and navigation system, too, while you're at it. And don't forget to add on some killer custom rims. Helmet baby need dope rims.

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Triskedeca-Evan-Jake

posted by Evan Jake at 5:23 PM

Now that I turned one, these monthly birthdays just don't give me the same rush that they used to.

Today I'm thirteen months old. But I probably won't get credit for it. Mom and dad will keep telling people that I'm just a year old. In reality, I'm a year and a month. And it's been a pretty big month, so it shouldn't be disregarded.

This month I've gone from walking to running. I can stand up all on my own without the assistance of a wall or chairleg. I can cruise around on my riding truck all by myself. (That's me in the picture riding on my truck...with a little help from mom.)

Of course the biggest change this month is my cool new hat. My friends at daycare think my helmet is cool. You know how us babies are attracted to bright colored plastic. Seeing them excited about my helmet made me feel good. I actually like wearing my helmet. It didn't take me long to figure out that with the helmet on I can run into walls, doors or kitty cats and not feel a thing. I've become a baby canonball.

Fortunately this isn't one of those months where I go to the doctor for shots. But I'm sure a new kind of torture awaits me in the next 31 days. So bring it on. Helmet baby no afraid!

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119 Days to Go

posted by Evan Jake at 7:04 PM

I did not have a good day. First I woke up with a bit of a fever. And I've had a curious rash of reddish bumps all over my body. It's not easy being a baby. But just when I thought things were bad enough, it got worse.

Today, rather than going to daycare, mom and dad took me to the head doctor. They finally decided to get me a special helmet to help make my head grow rounder. I'm supposed to wear this thing almost all the time to help fix the flat spot on my head. (At least it's a cute flat spot.) Apparently I'm going to have to wear it for like four months. That's a lot in baby time. Just think, by the time I get this helmet off, the Baltimore Orioles could already be eliminated from the post-season.

I think It's pretty ridiculous. Mom and dad are crazy to have me in this thing. But I don't seem to be given a choice in this matter. It better work, that's all I'm saying. My condition is called "plagiocephaly" and it's become very common for us babies who were put to sleep on their backs. Parents who see their babies with these flat spots on their heads get so upset they often come down with their own condition I like to call "fecalcephaly." It makes them go crazy and put their babies in helmets.

Seeing my helmet was a little traumatic at first. Looking at that little blue plastic hat made me freak a bit. I mean, don't they come in nicer colors? Perhaps a racing green or firetruck red? I mean, blue is so last trimester.

When the lady first put it on me, it covered my eyes and pinched my ears. That was super terrible. But she took it away and fixed it so it fit better. She then showed mom and dad how to put it on me. The lesson consisted of demonstrating how to hold me really tight and force it on quickly before I can fuss too much. I see this will surely become a very fun game for all of us. Luckily I can walk away now and at least make them chase me to put it on.

Over the next week, I'll wear my helmet more and more during the day, and eventually at night when I sleep. Soon I'll be in it almost all the time, except for maybe an hour or so at night to get a bath (for my head and the helmet). Dad doesn't like seeing me in the helmet. But mom told dad he doesn't need to worry. Since he only sees me for like 30 minutes a day as it is, that will just be my helmet-free time.

Once I have the helmet on, I don't mind it really. It doesn't squeeze my head or anything. It just looks a bit surprising. I know most people will see it and feel sorry for me. And I'll surely be the subject of some weird looks and a few jokes, too. So for all you mean jerks out there, I figured I'd give you a "head" start. Here are a few lines you can use -- laugh it up:

• "Blue-42! Blue-42! Hut, Hut, Hike!"
  
• "Lord Darth Evan! May the Force be with you!"
  
• "Evan Jake's Going to Hawa-eeee, yay!"
  
• "Hey, Evan Jake. You're ready for the construction site!"
  
• "Evan Jake, do you need a lantern on that thing?"
  
• "Knock, Knock. Who's There? It's Evan Jake!"
  

If you're wondering what I look like in my little helmet, you may not see a picture of me in it here on diaperlogue. That's me in the picture above looking cute as ever -- enjoying the wind in my hair without a helmet. Although, one might argue that with dad pushing me in that swing, a helmet is probably a good idea.

I still look darned cute in my new headwear, but mom thought it would be a good idea to keep it a bit more of a mystery for everyone. You know, like how they never photographed President Roosevelt in his wheelchair or using crutches. If you want to see my helmet, you will have to come see it in person for now. And bring some presents too. Helmet baby need toys!

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Location, Location (and Stairs)

posted by Evan Jake at 6:29 PM

Don't tease me like this!

Tonight mom and dad took me to visit a house with stairs. In fact it had lots and lots of stairs. Three floors worth. But no furniture. Not even a crib! How strange.

Turns out the house is for sale and mom and dad took me over to get my opinion. I approved. I shrieked and waved my arms and ran all over the house. But mom kept blocking me from climbing on the stairs. She's no fun.

I like our current house, but I could use a little more space to practice my walking. That's me in the picture trying to escape to a bigger yard.

The nice man showing mom and dad the house kept saying how adorable I am. That's nothing new. I hear it all the time. But he was saying it so often that I could tell he was trying to grease me up a little bit. And dad, too. I'm sure he'd love to see dad write a big check for the house. I'd love a house with stairs, but that check can't be too big. I need some of that money for toys and college!

Mom's favorite feature of the house was the garage. She just loved the idea of being able to put me in my car chair without freezing my tushy to the seat in the winter or burning my fingers on the metal buckles in the summer. Those suckers sting! But the garage only looked big enough to hold one car. I wonder where dad's car would go? Maybe he'd have to sell it in order to buy the house. Good thing there's a bus stop down the street.

I loved the house. But it was getting past my bedtime so I wanted to close the deal right then and there. I figured we could set up my crib in about a half and hour sleep there tonight. Dad was a little less eager. He thought the house was too much of a "handyman's delight." (Dad's not very handy.)

Maybe if I can convince him to go back and see the house again he'll change his mind. He said he needs to talk to a banker first to see how much money it would all cost him. If he needs to, I might let him take out an equity loan on my cuteness. I also have a big piggy bank with plastic coins. Maybe I could spare him a red and a yellow. Just this once.

Even if mom and dad don't buy me this house, at least they're looking. I'm ready for those stairs!

~:O