119 Days to Go

posted by Evan Jake at 7:04 PM

I did not have a good day. First I woke up with a bit of a fever. And I've had a curious rash of reddish bumps all over my body. It's not easy being a baby. But just when I thought things were bad enough, it got worse.

Today, rather than going to daycare, mom and dad took me to the head doctor. They finally decided to get me a special helmet to help make my head grow rounder. I'm supposed to wear this thing almost all the time to help fix the flat spot on my head. (At least it's a cute flat spot.) Apparently I'm going to have to wear it for like four months. That's a lot in baby time. Just think, by the time I get this helmet off, the Baltimore Orioles could already be eliminated from the post-season.

I think It's pretty ridiculous. Mom and dad are crazy to have me in this thing. But I don't seem to be given a choice in this matter. It better work, that's all I'm saying. My condition is called "plagiocephaly" and it's become very common for us babies who were put to sleep on their backs. Parents who see their babies with these flat spots on their heads get so upset they often come down with their own condition I like to call "fecalcephaly." It makes them go crazy and put their babies in helmets.

Seeing my helmet was a little traumatic at first. Looking at that little blue plastic hat made me freak a bit. I mean, don't they come in nicer colors? Perhaps a racing green or firetruck red? I mean, blue is so last trimester.

When the lady first put it on me, it covered my eyes and pinched my ears. That was super terrible. But she took it away and fixed it so it fit better. She then showed mom and dad how to put it on me. The lesson consisted of demonstrating how to hold me really tight and force it on quickly before I can fuss too much. I see this will surely become a very fun game for all of us. Luckily I can walk away now and at least make them chase me to put it on.

Over the next week, I'll wear my helmet more and more during the day, and eventually at night when I sleep. Soon I'll be in it almost all the time, except for maybe an hour or so at night to get a bath (for my head and the helmet). Dad doesn't like seeing me in the helmet. But mom told dad he doesn't need to worry. Since he only sees me for like 30 minutes a day as it is, that will just be my helmet-free time.

Once I have the helmet on, I don't mind it really. It doesn't squeeze my head or anything. It just looks a bit surprising. I know most people will see it and feel sorry for me. And I'll surely be the subject of some weird looks and a few jokes, too. So for all you mean jerks out there, I figured I'd give you a "head" start. Here are a few lines you can use -- laugh it up:

• "Blue-42! Blue-42! Hut, Hut, Hike!"
  
• "Lord Darth Evan! May the Force be with you!"
  
• "Evan Jake's Going to Hawa-eeee, yay!"
  
• "Hey, Evan Jake. You're ready for the construction site!"
  
• "Evan Jake, do you need a lantern on that thing?"
  
• "Knock, Knock. Who's There? It's Evan Jake!"
  

If you're wondering what I look like in my little helmet, you may not see a picture of me in it here on diaperlogue. That's me in the picture above looking cute as ever -- enjoying the wind in my hair without a helmet. Although, one might argue that with dad pushing me in that swing, a helmet is probably a good idea.

I still look darned cute in my new headwear, but mom thought it would be a good idea to keep it a bit more of a mystery for everyone. You know, like how they never photographed President Roosevelt in his wheelchair or using crutches. If you want to see my helmet, you will have to come see it in person for now. And bring some presents too. Helmet baby need toys!

({:O