Helmets Are So In!

posted by Evan Jake at 6:20 PM

Bob Woodruff is my hero.

Bob Woodruff went to Iraq and got a boo-boo on his noggin. The boo-boo gave Bob Woodruff a flat spot on his head. Bob Woodruff had to wear a helmet because of the flat spot. Bob Woodruff showed me that even cool, rugged journalists can wear helmets (not to be mistaken with "helmet hair" or bad toupees.)

That's Bob Woodruff in the picture (left) wearing his helmet. That's me in the picture (right) wearing my helmet. (The picture of Bob Woodruff is from ABC News, used without permission. The picture of Evan Jake is from dl004d's blog and is also used without permission.)

So who's helmet is cooler? Mine or Bob Woodruff's? I think my helmet is cooler than Bob Woodruff's because my helmet is blue. Bob Woodruff's helmet was white and had a dorky-looking chin strap.

Now Bob Woodruff doesn't have to wear his helmet anymore. He's all better now. Someday soon, I won't have to wear my helmet either. Then maybe I can go on TV and tell my story, too. I think plagiocephaly is worthy of at least one-hour on 20/20. Helmet baby need prime time special!

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That's My Mop

posted by Evan Jake at 5:23 PM

Mom and dad are so busy working that they barely have any time for me. And they certainly don't have any time to clean! I noticed one of the bathrooms was getting a little scummy, so I decided to grab a mop and help out myself. Notice how I work the mop into all the corners. How do you expect me to get toilet trained unless this porcelain is spotless?! Helmet baby need to see his reflection in that floor!



PS - I'm available for hire so I can help contribute to the household income and hopefully buy that house with stairs.

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It's Working!

posted by Evan Jake at 6:49 PM

Today I went to the helmet lady to get my dome checked out. I've been wearing helmety for six weeks now to help correct my plagiocephaly. It's a slow process and takes some time. Today was my big check-up to see how the progress is coming.

People who have seen my head without the helmet think it's getting better. Dad doesn't think the helmet is working. He thinks you just get so sick of looking at the big goofy helmet, that you don't mind the flat head as much anymore. He said it's just a placebo effect. Okay then, dad, why don't we try a little experiment? Why don't you wear the helmet and I'll be the control subject? As if I'm not controlling enough as it is.

Anyway, the helmet lady took new pictures of my head today using a laser. Then she compared the measurements to what my head looked like before I got helmety. It was good news! My head grew seven millimeters in circumference -- that's the measurement around the outside of my cuteness. And the roundness in my head improved by three millimeters! They use millimeters because the metric system is easier for us babies to understand. I can't figure out which is bigger, 5/16ths or 7/32nds of an inch. Can you?

I know it's only a few millimeters change. But at least they're millimeters in the right direction. And I make those millimeters look good. Helmet baby need more millimeters!

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Biggie Road Trip

posted by Evan Jake at 5:24 PM

On Saturday, I got to go on a road trip to visit dad's family. I saw my aunt and uncle, their two awesome cats, my bubbe and pop-pop and my great-grandmother (aka mom-mom-mom).

I hadn't seen my mom-mom since she wrote me this really cool letter and mailed it to me. I forgot to thank her for it -- but even if I had remembered, I can't talk anyway. So, mom-mom-mom, if you're reading this: thank you for the letter. It's the first real letter I ever received. And it was so nicely written with very pretty handwriting. I can't read, so dad read it to me. Dad said letter writing like that is a lost art. Instead, he says people today only write passive-agressive e-mails to one another. I don't write letters or e-mails. Personally, I like to take crayons and bang them on a piece of paper, then crumple the paper, then rip the paper, then throw the pieces of paper on the floor. I think that's a lost art, too.

I think the only real reason we went to visit dad's family was to take the biggie van out on the open road. I love having all that space in the biggie van for my car chair and all my stuff. We had enough room for a lot more toys than they chose to bring along. I guess they were hoping they'd be coming back with more toys than we left with, if you catch my drift. No such luck. The car was just as empty on the ride back.

The ride is so smooth and quiet, I slept the whole way in both directions. Mom and dad seemed to have planned the driving around my naptime and bedtime. How am I supposed to watch my DVD player if I'm always sleeping?

The best part of the visit was getting to climb all those stairs. In case I haven't mentioned it before, our house doesn't have any stairs. So I love going to other people's houses that have stairs. At my aunt and uncle's house, they have lots and lots of stairs. By the end of the day, I had gotten really good at both going up and down stairs. Sure, it was nice to see everyone, but the stairs made the whole trip worthwhile.

Someone asked me yesterday what my favorite toy is. The answer is: my toothbrush. That's me in the picture with my toothbrush. Hey, dental hygiene is important. So where's the floss? Helmet baby need floss!

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Fourteenth Fourteenth

posted by Evan Jake at 6:21 PM

Today I'm fourteen months old. This whole counting months thing is getting a little old. It's just such a mouthful.

"How old are you?"

"Evan Jake is fourteen months old."

Try not to spit on anyone when you say it. I mostly drool, so I'm always spitting, kind of. That's me in the picture with a drooly shirt.

To celebrate Valentine's Day, mom got to stay home with me. There was a little bit of ice and snow outside, so they closed the city. Dad meanwhile got up really early and went to work anyway. I guess he must really not want to spend the day with me. Even though it was Valentine's Day, he didn't want to spend time with mom either.

Dad used the weather as an excuse for not getting mom a card or flowers or anything. Plus he says he bought mom a new biggie van, so that counts as her Valentine's gift. I wonder how long he's going to drag that one out. Meanwhile, I had time to make mom my own Valentine. I hope she liked it. I worked hard to make it for her and she just wrapped it up in an odor-proof plastic bag and threw it away. Oh, well. Helmet baby no make good Valentine.

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That Smell

posted by Evan Jake at 7:45 PM

What's that smell? Can't you smell that smell?

For several weeks now, there has been a strange scent following me around. Everywhere I go, I can detect a faint redolence which I cannot fully describe. It's a fetid miasma of enigmatic origin that is both slightly disorienting and mildly acrid. Simply put, it's just plain smelly!

I know it's not my diaper. That has its very own unique bouquet -- depending on what I've eaten. And when my dirties get changed, that smell goes away. No, this fetor hangs heavy around my aura. If I were a cartoon character, wafting lines would emanate from my person. (Think Pepe le Pew or Pigpen.)

Finally, I realized what the odor is: it's my helmet.

It's now been a month since I got helmety. Over the last 30 days, that plastic and foam cap is starting to work up a bit of a funk. During the first week I had helmety, my head would get really wet and sweaty. That's not so much the case anymore. I still perspire a little under there. So when I get my helmet off, I like to itch my head and swirl my hair around. But that's when the fetor gets particularly rancorous.

I usually get a couple hours without the helmet per day. I'll get a bath and helmety gets washed and dried, too. I like my helmet-free time. That's me in the picture rolling around on the floor fluffing my hair on the carpet. I do have to remember that without my helmet I need to be a little more careful not to injur my globe.

I have an appointment next week to find out if my helmet is doing any good or not. Needless to say, I'm hopeful it's working. Helmet baby need round head!

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I'm Open!

posted by Evan Jake at 10:03 PM

Today I went with mom and dad to a Super Bowl party at my fake Uncle Jason's house. His house doesn't have any stairs either. (Or many walls, for that matter.) What he does have in his house is a huge high definition television. Oh, I can only imagine what my Baby Einstein videos would look like on that thing. Too bad I didn't get to find out, because everyone was watching some crazy football game. Personally, I would have preferred to watch Puppy Bowl III on Animal Planet with the play-by-play of Harry "the K" Kalas.

I guess the point of the party was to watch the Super Bowl. But it looked to me like there were more commercials than football. When the game was being shown, everyone in the room would scream and stomp up and down. I just tried to stay out of the way. (I was almost almost successful, until a big guy named Eric tried to trample me to death. I guess I should've known not to block his way to the pizza table.)

Before the big game, everyone was outside playing their own football game. We got to play on a big field made of fake grass. I loved running around on the fake grass. I think mom and dad should get some for our house. I think it would look great in the living room -- under a giant HD-TV.

It was cold outside, but that didn't seem to stop everyone from running around and dropping perfectly-thrown passes. After watching dad bobble a couple of tailor-made touchdown throws, I rushed onto the field to get some game time. Afterall, I had my helmet on and my new sneakers. I was game ready. But mom kept grabbing me and taking me back to the sidelines.

Thanks to fake Uncle Jason for a great party and for letting me run all around his house with food and crayons in my hands. Maybe next year I'll get to play in the pre-Super Bowl football game with the big boys. I could be dad's secret weapon. I could run a deep route, distract my defender with my adorable cuteness and then cut to the inside, leaving myself wide open for a touchdown. Helmet baby's open!

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