Party for Me!

posted by Evan Jake at 6:23 PM

Last night, mom and dad had a whole bunch of friends over for dinner. They were all there to see me, of couse. Why else would they have come? It was some of mom and dad's friends from college. (I still can't believe dad went to college.) They all traveled to our house. I like traveling to visit people, because I love car rides. But last night, it was fun to have everyone else drive to me, for what was clearly a party in my honor.

I got to hear lots of funny stories about mom and dad from when they were younger. I hope they never embarrass me with stories like that. They all seemed to be having a lot of fun, though. I couldn't tell if they were making fun of each other, fighting or what. It was weird.

There was a big dinner and lots of laughing. I got to sit and watch a video while they all ate. I'm sure the music from my Baby Einstein video created a metropolitan ambiance for their gourmet meal. Earlier, I had gotten my own mushy food. Everyone looked at my food and got hungry. So mom cooked up a big meal for everyone. But when they all sat down, they must have been really disappointed that they didn't get my special mush. They all complimented mom and her good cooking, but I think they were just being polite. Secretly they were hoping they'd get their own portion of orange mush.

By the end of dinner, Dad looked like he'd had a bit too much wine. I wouldn't have let him push me in my stroller like that. Luckily he knows better than to drink and drive a stroller. Plus, I was tired and had to go to bed, even though everyone else stayed up way past 7pm.

Everyone there was also talking about diaperlogue and saying how much they love it. And how they knew everything they said and did would all show up on diaperlogue the next day. Well, here it is, the next day. I think I'll leave out the real details to protect the innocent. But something tells me I'm glad I went to bed when I did. There were probably some things talked about that I shouldn't be hearing. You know, "little things." But thanks for the new material, guys, and keep reading! It was great to see and meet you all. Come again soon!!

~:O

Workin' It

posted by Evan Jake at 8:15 AM

Mom is putting in her first full week of work as a teacher. I guess she needed to go back to work because dad can't pay the bills by himself.

Mom and I have never been apart for so many hours. I hope now that mom is working full time, she appreciates how easy I am to stay home with all day.

I'm happy for mom. I know she misses me. But she's making new friends, doing good work and making money to buy me more chairs. The only silver lining here is that this week I haven't had to go to day care. My day care has been closed for a few days. I guess my loud crying made the paint peel, so they have to redo the entire room. That means no daily car ride to day care (I love car rides) but I get to stay home all day instead.

The nice lady who watches me at day care is coming to our house to take care of me. I like her. I'm glad I still get to see her even though day care is closed. Having her come to my house is an arrangement I can live with. She comes here and gives me undivided attention and I get to play with my own toys. No sharing!

Meanwhile, I'm also getting to spend more quality time with dad. Okay, maybe I use the word "quality" too loosely. Dad has taken a few hours each morning to hang out with me while mom is at work. That's me in the picture hanging out in the backyard. When he's not lying on the couch or checking his e-mail, dad reads me books and takes me on walks. He's getting better at taking care of me. We seem to have fun together. But I won't let on. I'll just continue torturing him by pretending I'm hungry then refusing my bottle. Or waiting to take a big poop until he's alone with me so he can't pass me off to mom.

When mom does come home, I'm happy and give her a big hug. After a long day, I miss her and I know she misses me, too. Going back to work must be really hard. Not that I would know. I just sit on my tushy all day.

~:O

diapereports: My Baby Can Talk

posted by Evan Jake at 4:41 PM

Reviews will offer a good rating: "a Pacie"; or a bad rating: "a Stinky Diaper".

I haven't been feeling well the last couple days. Seems like I picked up a little bug at day care. I have sniffles and a fever and feel pretty rotten. I've gotten some tasty purple medicine to make me feel better and lots of love from mom and dad. But the best medicine seems to be chilling out in front of the TV.

Mom and dad try not to let me watch very much TV. And there's no TV at day care. But when I'm sick and fussy, TV is very calming. It's the only thing that makes me forget about how lousy I feel. One might say television has sort of a numbing effect. That's me in the picture watching TV in my rocking chair with my friend Herman.

Recently, I started watching a new video called My Baby Can Talk: First Signs. It's supposed to teach me sign language. As the box says: "Babies are able to communicate at a much earlier age than they are able to speak." In other words, mom and dad can't understand what I'm saying to them, so they need to teach me these silly signs. I communicate just fine. It's mom and dad who should be watching videos on how to understand baby.

That being said, I like watching this sign language video. There's a nice lady who shows all the signs and explains what they mean. There's also a little baby who makes the signs too, but she sets the bar pretty low for the rest of us babies. Then there are lots of pictures of animals and food and more of that annoying baby music. I think mom and dad are hoping that if I watch the video enough, I'll start making signs when I'm hungry or tired rather than doing what they perceive as random crying.

The video teaches useful words like "eat," "drink" and "dinosaur." It shows the sign for "cat" which is nice, but I can already say "kih," thank you very much. My favorite sign is for the word "car," of course, because I love car rides. But the video leaves some things out that I really need to know how to say. Words like "poop," "TV" and "neglect." In fact, a video on semaphore would probably be much more useful. At least I could use flag signals for people outside my window to come and rescue me. Meanwhile, I'll keep watching my sign language video and see if I can get mom and dad to understand me. Getting them to do what I want will be another story.

My Baby Can Talk: A Pacie

~:O

diaperfun

posted by Evan Jake at 5:55 PM

Babycare can become monotonous. I'll admit it. All the naps, diaper changes, bottles and walks in the stroller can get a bit mundane. Even though I love car rides, those can become ordinary too.

To break the routine, dad decided to do a little experiment. Not on me, but on one of my diapers. Yes, it was a clean diaper. So if you too are experiencing baby fatigue, here's a fun little activity to try:

What you'll need:

• A clean diaper. Make sure baby still has a clean diaper on, too.


• A small bowl. Good luck trying to find a clean bowl in the pile of dishes in the sink you haven't had time to wash!


• A zip-lock bag. These are fun to chew on, but not an appropriate toy for babies.


• A measuring spoon. Or just a regular spoon. No need to be that exact. Given your lack of sleep over the past several months, you probably won't be able see the markings anyway.


• Scissors. The stubby kind with the rounded points and rubber handles are preferable.

What to do:

• Take the diaper and open it up with the part that touches my tushy facing up.


• Using a pair of scissors, cut away the inner lining of the diaper. (Diapers are surprisingly hard to tear by hand and you probably don't want to use your teeth -- clean or not.)


• With the lining removed, you will find a fluffy, cotton-candy like material inside. Carefully scoop this out with your fingers and gently place it inside the zip-lock bag.


• Seal all of the diaper innards inside the bag. (Yellow and blue makes green.)


• Now use your fingers to squeeze the bag and break apart the clumps of material. A fine white powder will start filtering to the bottom bag.


• Continue to mush the material in the bag until you can shake up to a teaspoon of white powder to the bottom of the bag. You don't need much, but the more the better.


• Cut off the bottom corner of the bag and pour only the white powder into the bowl. Leave the fluffy stuff in the bag.


• Add just a few tablespoons of water to the powder in the bowl and swirl it all together!

What's next:

• The white powder will expand and turn into a cool squishy gel! Keep adding water little by little until you get a consistency that's most fun to play with.


• Stick your fingers in giggle. You might even want dab little bits under your nostrils and pretend that you just sneezed. Ah-choo!


• For extra fun, add food coloring and serve to your houseguests. Tell them it's a special new flavor of Rita's Water Ice!

Remember, now that you've seen just how much liquid my diapers can absorb, it's not an excuse to leave me in the same diaper all day. A fresh one every now and then is still welcome!

Special thanks to pop-pop for telling us about this neat activity!

~:O

Eight (8) Months

posted by Evan Jake at 3:40 PM

Mom and dad tried to capture this momentous day by fitting me for a pair of cement shoes!

Those are my footprints in the picture. Dad mixed up some special cement, poured it into a pie tray and then stuck my feet in. It's not exactly ready for the front walkway of the Chinese Theatre, but It will be interesting to look back on in a few years.

At first, mom and dad tried to put my hands in the cement, but all I wanted to do was pick up handfuls of it. If they had just told me what they were trying to do, maybe I would have cooperated more. I'm not as clueless as you think!

I got another surprise for my 8-month birthday, too. It was a car ride. I love car rides.

After a short ride, we got out of the car and went into this little building. There was a big room full of toys and other kids. I should learn that seeing lots of toys and other kids is never a good sign. It either means I'm at day care or at a doctor's office. Well, today, it was a doctor's office.

This was a doctor I'd never seen before. He was something called an allergist. I guess because he has allergies. It's a good thing he's not allergic to cute, or he wouldn't have come anywhere near me!

It seems when I was really little, I had some skin and allergy problems. That's why I now drink that special expensive formula. Since dad is so cheap and doesn't want to give me the good formula anymore, mom and dad took me to this special doctor to get tested.

First mom and dad told the doctor about how I used to cry a lot. Then they went on to describe my BMs in lots of detail. Is nothing off-limits?

The doctor was very nice. He gave me kisses and said how cute I was. Well, duh. The doctor then took me into a tiny room and put little drops of food all over my arms. When he was done, I smelled like the Ethnic food aisle at Wegmans. Usually, mom is trying to clean food off me. This guy was putting it on!

Apparently, he put some fish, nuts and soy on my arm. Just a little bit of lemon juice and garlic and I'd be ready for the fry pan!

After a few minutes, the doctor checked back to see if I was ready to eat. Luckily, I didn't show any allergies. And he let me mom and dad take me home. I guess now I'll start getting the cheaper formula. Actually, it tastes better than the stuff I get now, so I'm not going to complain. And I'll probably get to start tasting more new foods soon.

After the tests, mom and dad still don't know what made me cry so much those first few months. Maybe my tummy just wasn't grown up enough. Maybe I was just being difficult. Either way, I'm feeling much better now!

~:O

diapereports: The Maryland Zoo

posted by Evan Jake at 6:50 PM

Today I'm introducing a new feature on diaperlogue called "diapereports." I hope these reviews will provide helpful insights, from a baby's perspective, on toys, books, videos and other baby-friendly activities. Reviews will offer a good rating: "a Pacie"; or a bad rating: "a Stinky Diaper". I offer this rating system as I'm not coordinated enough to give a simple thumbs up or thumbs down that could be reliably discerned.

This first edition of "diapereports" focuses on the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. You see, I have this favorite video I like to watch. It's a Baby Einstein video called Baby MacDonald: A Day on the Farm. It features lots of animals walking around. So mom and dad thought I should get to see some of these animals in person. So today, we all got in the car and took a ride to the zoo.

The outside of the zoo is pretty drab looking. The parking lot was in pretty bad shape. My stroller bounced so much on the uneven ground I thought I was going to spit up. I bet the parking lot of the Beirut Zoo has fewer holes in it.

When we got to the entrance, mom and dad forked over a hefty admission, but I got in for free. As is typical, dad doesn't take me anywhere that he needs to buy me a ticket. Cheapskate.

Walking in the front gate, I was looking forward to seeing all the animals. But it took us a while to find any. First we went to the Children's Zoo. It featured animals from the Maryland habitat. There were some ducks and turtles, but I didn't see any kitty cats. If they live in our house, surely they'd have some at the zoo. I like kitty cats. I call them "kih" for short.

The best part of the Children's Zoo was this big barn with farm animals. Just like in my video. I got to see a real life cow up close. He was big. He smelled bad, too -- like way worse than one of my messy diapers. In fact, the cow didn't use any diapers. He just made his business right there in the ground. And his messes were really, really big.

Then mom said, "Oh, look at the jackass!" I turned around to look for dad. But mom was referring to the actual jackass walking around his pen. He came up to the fence and let me touch his nose. That's me in the picture touching the jackass's nose. It was wet and soft.

There were also chickens, turkeys and pigs. But most of them were too shy to come anywhere near me.

We left the children's zoo and went to walk around the rest of the park. Unfortunately, it was all downhill from there. We walked to the African exhibit. Baltimore is a long way from Africa. There were a couple funny looking birds and other animals just standing around and eating grass. Most of them were too far away for me to really see them. Mom and dad kept pointing to things, but I couldn't really tell what. All those animals just blend in to the background.

We went to see the lions. I was excited because I like kitty cats. But they were all sleeping or hiding. I didn't see them at all. Then we went to see the cheetahs. More kitty cats! But they were also hiding or too far away for me to see them. So we walked over the hippos instead. Those guys are so big, dad thought I would get to see them for sure. But they too were all sleeping inside their special house.

Wild animals sure do sleep a lot. All these sleepy animals made me want a nap.

Before we left Africa, I did get to see a couple giraffes. They were really tall. I guess when you're that tall, it's too hard to lay down and sleep. So they were awake and walking around. That's me in the picture checking out the giraffes. I wanted to pet them, but mom wouldn't let me.

After walking through a few more sleeping animal exhibits, it was time to go home. We got to take a special tram out of the park. I liked the tram. It was like a big car ride, and I love car rides. That's me in the picture on the tram playing with mom's Coke bottle. Maybe mom should have given her Coke to some of the animals so they wouldn't be so sleepy.

Overall, I was not impressed with the zoo. I don't think mom and dad were either. The exhibits were all pretty lame, even when the animals weren't sleeping. And the whole place is pretty shabby. Even the pig sty wasn't worthy of its name. Maybe when I'm a little older I can appreciate a zoo more than I did today. But by then, I hope mom and dad will take me to a nicer one.

The Maryland Zoo in Baltimore: A Stinky Diaper

~:O

Worldless Wednesday (8.9.06)

posted by Evan Jake at 8:40 AM

~:O

Barnegat Baby

posted by Evan Jake at 6:56 PM

Well, I'm back from my first trip to the Jersey Shore! Mom and dad piled me (and all my stuff) into the car -- I love car rides -- and drove the few hours to Long Beach Island.

Dad and his family have been going to LBI ever since he was a baby. So now it was my turn. And while I was there, I got the full LBI experience. I went for a swim in Manahawkin Bay. I dipped my toes in the ocean. I went out for ice cream (even though I wasn't allowed to eat any). I got my very own LBI T-shirt. And I got to watch a beautiful sunset. That's me in the first picture watching a sunset. The only thing I didn't do was play mini-golf. I guess I'm too mini even for mini-golf.

At first, it was really, really hot there. So to cool off, mom and dad took me for a dip in the bay. That's me in the second picture taking my first steps into the bay. It looks like dad is about to push me in with all my clothes on, but later I did get to go in all the way with my swimming trunks.

The water in the bay was really warm and kind of smelled funny. I liked the taste of the water, though. But the bay beach was nothing compared to the big ocean beach. So much sand! And those waves were really, really big!! I just liked to stand on the beach and look at the water. Dad took me down to the very edge and let me put my toes in. I sat with dad and splashed for a few minutes. Luckily there were two lifeguards there to rescue dad in case he got into trouble. When we were finished, I had lots of sand in my diaper.

My bubbe and pop-pop were at LBI, too. We were all staying in the same house. That's me in the next picture hanging out on the front porch. I hope bubbe and pop-pop didn't mind all my toys and chairs filling up the living room. I especially think they liked watching my video, Baby Einstein: A Day on the Farm, over and over again. I bet they put in on their Netflix queue when they got home.

Then bubbe and pop-pop left LBI, leaving the three of us to celebrate mom and dad's fifth wedding anniversary. I had no idea mom and dad were married so long. What were they doing all that time? Well, happy anniversary, mom and dad! You had a good four plus years together!! Now you're mine!!!

The weather finally did cool off and everyone got to relax. Mom did jigsaw puzzles and dad took lots of photos. Dad wanted me to share this last picture of a sunset with you. No, I'm not in this picture so don't try looking for me. I'm not there. In fact, I didn't get to see this sunset because I went to sleep early after a long day in the ocean.

At the end of the vacation mom and dad put all my stuff back into the car for the drive for home. They didn't pack nearly as neatly this time, as I watched them just shove everything back into the car.

But the adventure wasn't over just yet. On the way home, dad made a wrong turn and almost took us to Atlantic City. Dad should stay away from there. He'll lose my college tuition. Then, after turning around, dad's car started making this awful noise. He didn't know what it was and he started to get kind of freaked out. So mom called her dad because Papa knows a lot about cars. Dad should learn to take better care of his car if he's going to be driving me around! Turns out it was just a brake pad going bad. (Just a brake pad? Aren't those important?)

Luckily, we made it home safe and sound. I had fun at the shore, but I was also really happy to be home. You should have heard me squeal when I saw all my toys again!

~:O

Wordless Wednesday (8.2.06)

posted by Evan Jake at 7:32 PM

Add your own caption in the comment area!



~:O

Riding High

posted by Evan Jake at 8:37 PM

The chair collection grows and grows!

So far, in the past 7-1/2 months, I've compiled quite a collection of chairs. Everytime I get a new one, I'm just compelled to write about it. Even though I can sit on my own, I still love each and every one of my chairs.

To recap, I already have a high chair, a bumbo chair, an indoor swinging chair, an outdoor swinging chair, a rocking chair, two stroller chairs, a bath chair, an excersaucer chair and of course, my favorite, the car chairs (because I love car rides). I used to have a bouncy chair, but I got too big for it. With my extra weight, the bouncy chair became more of a saggy chair.

Anyway, this week, mom bought me a new booster chair. That's me in the picture sitting in my new booster chair. It's portable. That means it can go with me anywhere. So no matter where I go, I can sit and eat like a prince!

~:O