Thirty-One Days and Counting

posted by Evan Jake at 10:52 PM

Mom and dad wanted to celebrate my little milestone today. But I see absolutely no reason to celebrate.

It's been a month since that terrible day when I was evicted from the warm security of mom's womb. Bathed in plush surroundings and soothed by the motions of mom going about her daily life, those nine months were pure bliss. Today, I'm lucky if I get wrapped up in a synthetic blanket and bounced on dad's knee until I spit up.

Here in the outside world, all I really have to look forward to is messy diapers, baby acne, post-mealtime gassiness and these darned hic...these darn...hic...these darned hiccups! You'd think that mom and dad, now month-long veterans of parenting, would be a bit more confident and clued-in to my needs than they were the day I arrived. However, I'm fearful they may have regressed and are worse now than when they started. At least right after I was born, they were quick to see to my every cry and whimper. But with exhaustion appearing to set in, I can now wail for several minutes and not even get noticed. Yesterday, I cried myself to sleep before either of them came in to check on me. This is not a good omen.

Okay, there have been a couple unbelievably exciting developments since that dreadful day a month ago. Like when the stump from my umbilical cord dried out and fell off. Wow, that was a special moment. Someone call Reader's Digest. Oh, I also graduated from the newborn diapers to the next size up. Talk about progress. Actually, I think mom and dad just ran out of the smaller diapers and didn't bother to restock. The new ones are still too big on me and a lot of the time my poop leaks out one of the legs or smears up my back. That's a treat. My only solace is that mom and dad are then the ones that have to clean it all up and get me into fresh clothes.

Meanwhile, I still can't lift my head. I have little control over my limbs. My only two forms of communication are crying and louder crying. I can't get more than two hours sleep at a time. And I've got a touch of diaper rash. Plus, these hiccups just won't go away!

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. The outside world does have some advantages. In the last month I did get to meet lots of nice people, like my bubbie and pop-pop, my uncle and aunt and of course my great-grandmother (we call her mom-mom-mom). Mom-mom-mom is the coolest, and I can't wait to see her again. In addition to my family coming over, lots of cool friends came over, too, and brought me gifts -- most of which I still can't wear or play with yet. But I'll get there. I liked most of the people that came over to visit. Except that mohel guy. He is still on my dirty diaper list.

Mom and dad said that in the next month I should start sleeping more. That will be nice for me. I just hope mom and dad don't get lonely or bored without me in the middle of the night. Mom has also promised to take me out more. I know what that means -- more car rides! That's all I needed to hear.

So I guess we'll see what unremarkable adventures the next month will bring. Thanks for continuing to tune into my blog to watch my progress, even though it's slow at times. I hope things start getting a little more interesting soon. Both for my sake and for yours!

~:O