I Was Abandoned as a Baby!
posted by Evan Jake at 5:21 PM
Remember how I said a few days ago that mom and dad are totally going nuts cooped up in this house with me 24/7? And that they really needed to get out? Well, they did it! That's right, they just up and left!
So check this out. A couple of nights ago, these two old people showed up. They came into my room (I was pretending to be asleep) and they were both making the same funny voices I hear everyone else make -- except they were saying something about being my grandma and grandpa. Then a few minutes later, mom and dad left the room, then left the house!
I heard mom and dad talking outside my window. Then they got in the car (without me, which is too bad because I really like car rides) and drove off. But not like when I ride with them. No, this time I heard a squealing sound and the sound of the car's engine got quiet really fast. I wondered where they would be going without me. Maybe to buy me presents or more diapers.
After mom and dad left, I could hear those two old people talking in the living room. They were talking about how easy parenting is now with all the fancy technology and gadgets. And they were saying what a good job they did with their own kids and how great they turned out -- even though "back in the day" parenting was so much harder because diapers were burlap with pins, strollers were made from bamboo and breast pumps were powered by the mother's own mouth suction.
They went on and on. They talked about how adorable I am and how babysitting was fun because in a couple hours they'll get to hop in their car and drive away fast, too, and won't have to listen to me cry all night.
Then I think I heard them talking about mom and dad. And it didn't sound very nice. Sure, it's easy to criticize my parents because, let's face it, they don't know what they're doing. And grandma and grandpa probably thought no one was listening. Oh, they are so busted. Lucky for them, I can't talk yet to tell mom and dad what was being said about them.
At this point, I thought I would give grandma and grandpa a run for their money and see how good they really are. I started to cry and, wouldn't you know it, grandma came right in. She picked me up, sang to me and rocked me back and forth. She was pretty good, even though she kept staring and staring at me. Hey, grandma, take a picture, it will last longer! Better yet, why don't you look at some of the 5,000 pictures dad has already taken of me!! So I pretended to fall back to sleep so she would just put me down already.
Not too long after that I heard mom and dad come home. They both came inside and came to my room to check on me. Mom smelled like grilled steak and mushrooms. Dad just had that funny smell on his breath again!
I pretended to stay asleep for a little while longer, looking all peaceful and happy. I wanted mom and dad to think that grandma and grandpa did a great job taking care of me. Because, afterall, nothing else would make mom and dad more jealous!
~:O
Remember how I said a few days ago that mom and dad are totally going nuts cooped up in this house with me 24/7? And that they really needed to get out? Well, they did it! That's right, they just up and left!So check this out. A couple of nights ago, these two old people showed up. They came into my room (I was pretending to be asleep) and they were both making the same funny voices I hear everyone else make -- except they were saying something about being my grandma and grandpa. Then a few minutes later, mom and dad left the room, then left the house!
I heard mom and dad talking outside my window. Then they got in the car (without me, which is too bad because I really like car rides) and drove off. But not like when I ride with them. No, this time I heard a squealing sound and the sound of the car's engine got quiet really fast. I wondered where they would be going without me. Maybe to buy me presents or more diapers.
After mom and dad left, I could hear those two old people talking in the living room. They were talking about how easy parenting is now with all the fancy technology and gadgets. And they were saying what a good job they did with their own kids and how great they turned out -- even though "back in the day" parenting was so much harder because diapers were burlap with pins, strollers were made from bamboo and breast pumps were powered by the mother's own mouth suction.
They went on and on. They talked about how adorable I am and how babysitting was fun because in a couple hours they'll get to hop in their car and drive away fast, too, and won't have to listen to me cry all night.
Then I think I heard them talking about mom and dad. And it didn't sound very nice. Sure, it's easy to criticize my parents because, let's face it, they don't know what they're doing. And grandma and grandpa probably thought no one was listening. Oh, they are so busted. Lucky for them, I can't talk yet to tell mom and dad what was being said about them.
At this point, I thought I would give grandma and grandpa a run for their money and see how good they really are. I started to cry and, wouldn't you know it, grandma came right in. She picked me up, sang to me and rocked me back and forth. She was pretty good, even though she kept staring and staring at me. Hey, grandma, take a picture, it will last longer! Better yet, why don't you look at some of the 5,000 pictures dad has already taken of me!! So I pretended to fall back to sleep so she would just put me down already.
Not too long after that I heard mom and dad come home. They both came inside and came to my room to check on me. Mom smelled like grilled steak and mushrooms. Dad just had that funny smell on his breath again!
I pretended to stay asleep for a little while longer, looking all peaceful and happy. I wanted mom and dad to think that grandma and grandpa did a great job taking care of me. Because, afterall, nothing else would make mom and dad more jealous!
~:O
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