Life So Far...
posted by Evan Jake at 2:34 PM
Sorry, it's taken me a while to catch up on my blog. The last two weeks have been really crazy with the holidays, Nick and Jessica breaking up, the Tsunami Relief Concert, the last Monday Night Football game on ABC -- oh, and the whole being born thing.
So now I'm totally playing catch up. But I seem to be pretty well on track now as far as things like eating, pooping, peeing and crying.
I like pooping. It makes quite a sound and everyone in the room seems to cheer when I do it. They say "Wow!" or "Whoa, who made a poopie?" (Like there's anyone else in the room who just crapped their pants.) Sometimes, what's fun is I'll poop, but hold some of it back -- you know, pinch it off just a little early at the end. Then I'll wait to get a clean diaper. As soon as mom or dad are finished dressing me all the way back up, I'll let the rest rip. The look on their faces is just priceless. I wish I had camera to snap in their faces! (Note to dad: Quit it with the g.d. flash in my eyes every time I open them. And then you wonder why I never want to open my eyes!)
OK, so I know what you're thinking, why not wait to poop on mom and dad while the diaper is off? That would be amazing, right? Actually, what's even cooler is to pee on them. This is so much more effective and visually spectacular given the trajectory I'm proudly able to achieve. Last week I got the Mohel's tie (serves him right) and today I got mom's pants. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to hit the wall. Maybe someday I can get myself coordinated enough to both pee and poo at the same time while the diaper is off. That would be awesome. Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted.
I know, it sounds like my life is nothing but messing myself and my caretakers. Far from it. I also love to sleep. And sleeping during the day is great. That way I won't be forced to watch all that god-awful daytime programming I was subjected to during those final weeks in utero. (Thanks, mom, for giving me something to actually look forward to outside the womb. I mean, surely there's more to life than watching Dr. Phil counsel hyperactive bi-sexuals with halitosis, right?) Plus, during the day I can sleep right through all the visitors that come over. This is great because I get passed around to meet everyone, but won't be expected to remember anyone's name. I may wake up to poo or spit-up on someone's dry-clean-only gabardine slacks, but I'll pretend to stay asleep. No one can be angry at a peaceful sleeping baby. Plus, when I sleep all day, then I'm able stay up all night and watch every repeat of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report with a weary mom and dad until 4:30 am. Talk about hilarious!
Oh, I also really like the vacuum cleaner. I'm too small to push it myself -- much to dad's dismay -- but I absolutely love the sound of it. I don't know what it is, but something about the whoosh of the vacuum cleaner just makes me really...really...sleepy. I might even be crying my head off, but the sound of that whirring motor just knocks me right out. I'm only two weeks old, but it does seem strange to me that dad suddenly feels compelled to vacuum the living room at 3:00 am after I've been crying for an hour. Mom says he never touched the vacuum before I was born.
When the vacuum cleaner isn't on, crying can be fun, too. Nothing gets mom and dad's attention faster than a good, high-pitched cry. The faster the wobble in my voice, the faster they seem to come running. It's so effective, they will drop everything and come running. "Gotta, run, baby's crying," I'll hear dad say on the phone. In fact, I think dad's on the phone right now. He's been on hold with the cable company for the last half-hour and I think he just got through to someone. Now would be an amazing time to interrupt. I'll show him who's in charge.
OK, gotta run and cry, dad's on the phone!
~:O
Sorry, it's taken me a while to catch up on my blog. The last two weeks have been really crazy with the holidays, Nick and Jessica breaking up, the Tsunami Relief Concert, the last Monday Night Football game on ABC -- oh, and the whole being born thing. So now I'm totally playing catch up. But I seem to be pretty well on track now as far as things like eating, pooping, peeing and crying.
I like pooping. It makes quite a sound and everyone in the room seems to cheer when I do it. They say "Wow!" or "Whoa, who made a poopie?" (Like there's anyone else in the room who just crapped their pants.) Sometimes, what's fun is I'll poop, but hold some of it back -- you know, pinch it off just a little early at the end. Then I'll wait to get a clean diaper. As soon as mom or dad are finished dressing me all the way back up, I'll let the rest rip. The look on their faces is just priceless. I wish I had camera to snap in their faces! (Note to dad: Quit it with the g.d. flash in my eyes every time I open them. And then you wonder why I never want to open my eyes!)
OK, so I know what you're thinking, why not wait to poop on mom and dad while the diaper is off? That would be amazing, right? Actually, what's even cooler is to pee on them. This is so much more effective and visually spectacular given the trajectory I'm proudly able to achieve. Last week I got the Mohel's tie (serves him right) and today I got mom's pants. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to hit the wall. Maybe someday I can get myself coordinated enough to both pee and poo at the same time while the diaper is off. That would be awesome. Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted.
I know, it sounds like my life is nothing but messing myself and my caretakers. Far from it. I also love to sleep. And sleeping during the day is great. That way I won't be forced to watch all that god-awful daytime programming I was subjected to during those final weeks in utero. (Thanks, mom, for giving me something to actually look forward to outside the womb. I mean, surely there's more to life than watching Dr. Phil counsel hyperactive bi-sexuals with halitosis, right?) Plus, during the day I can sleep right through all the visitors that come over. This is great because I get passed around to meet everyone, but won't be expected to remember anyone's name. I may wake up to poo or spit-up on someone's dry-clean-only gabardine slacks, but I'll pretend to stay asleep. No one can be angry at a peaceful sleeping baby. Plus, when I sleep all day, then I'm able stay up all night and watch every repeat of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report with a weary mom and dad until 4:30 am. Talk about hilarious!
Oh, I also really like the vacuum cleaner. I'm too small to push it myself -- much to dad's dismay -- but I absolutely love the sound of it. I don't know what it is, but something about the whoosh of the vacuum cleaner just makes me really...really...sleepy. I might even be crying my head off, but the sound of that whirring motor just knocks me right out. I'm only two weeks old, but it does seem strange to me that dad suddenly feels compelled to vacuum the living room at 3:00 am after I've been crying for an hour. Mom says he never touched the vacuum before I was born.
When the vacuum cleaner isn't on, crying can be fun, too. Nothing gets mom and dad's attention faster than a good, high-pitched cry. The faster the wobble in my voice, the faster they seem to come running. It's so effective, they will drop everything and come running. "Gotta, run, baby's crying," I'll hear dad say on the phone. In fact, I think dad's on the phone right now. He's been on hold with the cable company for the last half-hour and I think he just got through to someone. Now would be an amazing time to interrupt. I'll show him who's in charge.
OK, gotta run and cry, dad's on the phone!
~:O
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