diaperlogue

Tweet, Tweet

2009-07-28T21:13:00.002-04:00

I'm way too cool for blogging. And I'm too cool for Facebook. Soon, I'll be too cool for Twitter. But for now you can follow my tweets on:

twitter.com/evanjake

Sarah Gill and I will continue to post here on diaperlogue, but for more regular updates, follow me on Twitter!

~:O

My First Ballgame

2009-07-26T12:22:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, Daddy took me to my very first baseball game. It was the Phillies. And they were playing guys with dark blue hats called the Cardinals.

When we got to the stadium, I could see the big giant letters that said "Phillies." It said "Phillies" everywhere. There were lots of people wearing Phillies hats and Phillies shirts and Phillies pants and even some Phillies shoes. Good thing we wore our Phillies hats and shirts.

There was this really big TV in the outfield showing Phillies all the time. Daddy must have been in heaven because he likes to watch Phillies on TV, but our TV is a lot smaller.

I got to watch all the Phillies guys play Phillies down on the big grass. The grass was very pretty and green. It didn't have any weeds in it like our grass does. I wanted to go down on the field and play with them, but Daddy said I couldn't. So instead I sat in the seats and ate food and drank soda. The best part was the blue cotton candy. That's me in the picture eating blue cotton candy. It came in a bucket, not on a stick. So I had to eat it with my fingers. It made my fingers very sticky and gave me a blue mustache.

Everyone else around us was eating food and drinking, too. They were all cheering for the Phillies. And sometimes they would say, "boo." Daddy said "boo" a lot, too. He said it's because he doesn't like Matt Holliday. But he looks like a nice man. And if he's so terrible, why is he getting to play on the pretty grass while Daddy has to sit in the seats?

It only took me a couple of innings to finish my cotton candy, Cracker Jack and soda. So with all that sugar in my system, it was time to get up and run around a bit. We went all around the stadium. There were lots of people everywhere. I was sure to hold onto Daddy's hand the whole time. Along the way we stopped and got even more food and more soda.

Then we went into the Phillies store and got some presents for Mommy and Sarah. I got Sarah a pink monkey. Who can resist a pink monkey wearing a Phillies shirt? Also, in the store, I got to climb on the Phillie Phanatic's buggy. Too bad he didn't leave the keys in it.

Then we went back to our seays. I sat on Daddy's lap to watch a few more innings. I got to see Jimmy Rollins hit the ball over the fence and then everyone went running around the bases. This big bell lit up and flashed lots of lights. Everyone was cheering and giving high-fives.

Then we sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and I asked Daddy if we could go home. The Phillies were winning by a lot of runs. So Daddy said it was okay for us to go. It must be a lot of fun to go to games since the Phillies always win. And I know they are going to win the World Series again this year. They must win every year, right?

I have to say a special thanks to my Bubbie and Zayde for letting us use these tickets. It was the perfect day for a game and the Phillies won. I can't wait to go again. Go Phillies!

Risky Business

2009-07-05T20:12:00.001-04:00

Sarah gets around the house pretty good these days. She doesn't so much crawl as "scoot." She's pretty fast! Why crawl if she can race around so quickly on her bottom?

Well, I think she's figured out that the fastest way to get around is simply to walk! Yeah, she's already taking a few of her first steps. And those first steps are towards some of my old toys. Hands off, sister friend.

I hope she realizes that once she starts walking, she's fair game. No more sweet little helpless baby. Game on.

In case you want to see how she moves around the house, and watch some of her first steps, here's a little video for your enjoyment.

Sarah's Risky Business from evan jake on Vimeo.

~:O

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH!

2009-06-22T07:39:00.004-04:00

It has been exactly five months since diaperlogue went into hiatus. What better occasion to revive the blog than to celebrate Sarah Gill's very first birthday?!

One year ago, my life changed forever. I became a big brother. I thought it was going to change for the worse, but I was wrong. It changed for the terrible! Just kidding. I love my kid sister. She's gotten to be a lot of fun with her scooting around. Now she's starting to stand on her own. And surely, any day now we'll be posting video of her first steps on her own.

But for today, I share with you this special video dedicated to the first year of Sarah Gill. Sarah, we love you. Happy birthday!

Sarah's First Birthday video from evan jake on Vimeo.

~:O

Purgatory

2009-01-22T18:38:00.002-05:00

diaperlogue will be going on a bit of a hiatus. That means you won't see posts updated quite as often. I know, that doesn't seem like much of a change, since neither Evan Jake nor I have been adding much to this blog lately.

Well, Evan Jake is simply too cool for this blog anymore. He'll probably end up on facebook any day now. He's altogether too busy running around like crazy and learning to use the potty to keep the blog updated.

Meanwhile, I'd love to be updating the blog on a daily basis. But lately, I've been trapped in this pack-'n'-play. Don't get me wrong, I love it in here. I'm actually protected a bit from the wild Evan Jake. But sometimes I feel like Mommy and Daddy have completely forgotten about me in here. Sure, every now and then someone tosses in a new toy or an errant piece of garbage. So I don't feel totally neglected.

Well, maybe they'll come and get me out soon...maybe? Hello? Hello!!

So stay tuned for updates whenever they let me out of this baby jail!

Thanks for stopping by.

&asymp:O

DiaperReport: Academy of Natural Sciences

2009-01-05T18:32:00.001-05:00

Sometime last month, we took a trip to Philadelphia's natural history museum with that pretentious-sounding name: The Academy of Natural Sciences. So anyone looking for a "museum" and not an "Academy" will be thoroughly confused, like my Uncle Jason was, walking around in circles.

One of the parting gifts we received from our friends in Baltimore was a family membership there. Daddy was excited about this because he had fond memories of going this museum -- pardon me, "Academy" -- as a little boy. But you'll have to excuse me because I don't think this place had changed much since then. I doubt it had been thoroughly cleaned either. And some of the food in the cafeteria looked like it had been sitting there just as long. My aunt Marjorie, uncle Jason and cousin Drew came along, too. Cousin Drew didn't seem too impressed either.

First of all, the place is not at all family friendly. Access for strollers is really inconvenient. And there is only one part of the museum that's properly designed for us little guys. That's the children's area called "Outside In." That's where we spent the majority of our time digging in sand, playing with bones and petting snakes.

The one other pretty cool part was the butterfly room. It was a special place where you can see butterflies flap around, eating leaves and drinking water. But they were hard to see a lot of the time. And again, no strollers were allowed. Not cool, because walking is for losers and grown-ups.

I didn't spend much time in the area with the dinosaur bones because I was really freaked out by the loud "growling and roaring" sounds from the pretend dinosaurs. What's the point of this, really? Do they want us little kids to think that at any moment those life-like statues could come to life and eat us? I had a similar problem with the Maryland Science Center. These dinosaur museums are going to give me a complex. Besides, is there even any scientific evidence that dinosaurs made screeching sounds like that? For all we know, they sounded like the Velvet Fog. Or maybe a crying three-year-old.

As for the rest of the animal exhibits, they looked pretty dated and grubby. All of those stuffed animals posed like they would be in the wild is also a bit strange. I have my own stuffed animals at home and I much prefer those. They are much nicer to snuggle and probably smell better, too. Plus when my stuffed animals get old and grubby looking, Mommy can just put them in the washer.

The Academy of Natural Sciences: A Stinky Diaper.

~:O

The Gloves Are Off

2008-12-29T18:25:00.004-05:00

Okay, Evan Jake. I know you have claimed to be the cutest baby ever. But given the way you've treated me lately, I have no choice but to challenge your past claims and resort to this cuteness face-off.

I've just turned six months old. That's a picture of me on the left taken just a couple of days ago. Wow, I'm really beautiful. I should be a model on a diaper box or something.

Then I went and dug up this old picture of you from when you were six months old, as seen on the right. Gosh, are you drooling on yourself? Okay, maybe I could have found a more flattering picture of you, but what would have been the fun in that?

So who's the cutest baby ever, now? I think the results speak for themselves. Sarah Gill rules and Evan Jake drools!

&asymp:O

Happy Half Birthday, Sarah Gill!

2008-12-22T09:17:00.003-05:00

Congratulations on celebrating your six-month birthday Sarah Gill! I can't believe it's been half a year since you came along and ruined everything. No, really, I'm glad you're here...sort of.

When I turned six months old, Mommy and Daddy made this awesome tribute video about me. I didn't want you to feel left out. Being the second born, I know it probably feels like you don't get all the same special treatment I did as a baby. So often you get shoved off to the side, neglected and ignored. I know that must be hard.

So I made this special tribute video for you to tell you how I really feel about having you around.

~:O

I'll Cry If I Want To

2008-12-15T21:03:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry if I ruined your party, Evan Jake. Having never had a birthday party myself, I didn't realize how important it is. It wasn't my party, but I cried anyway. Was that a problem for you?

I didn't even get to see you blow out the birthday candles on your cake. Neither did Mommy. Instead, I was upstairs in my room screaming and crying. Maybe I was just jealous that you were taking away even more attention from me than usual. And you seemed to be getting all kinds of nice gifts. Sorry if my sobbing was a downer.

It turns out I was crying for a really good reason. It was my very first ear infection!

I hope you enjoy your present from me. It's an ear infection for you, too! Who knows, maybe you gave it to me first. At least I can take some solace in knowing that you are suffering as much as I am.

Happy third birthday, Evan Jake.

≈:O

What's Been Going On?

2008-12-05T18:30:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been almost a month since anyone posted anything here. Since Evan Jake has been so delinquent in his blogging responsibilities, I thought I'd give it a shot.

OK, it's not all Evan Jake's fault the blog hasn't been updated. We did go away for a little while. We had a big trip to our Nana and Papa's house last week. That's me in the picture with Evan Jake and seven of our cousins. Nana and Papa's house was full of lots and lots of kids for Thanksgiving. So instead of getting neglected in favor of one older brother, I got neglected in favor of eight other kids. I bet Mommy and Daddy had a great time because they got to pass me off onto other people.

And when there was a really big dinner for everyone, I was the only one who didn't get to sit at the table. I got relegated to my little chair on the floor. And I didn't get any turkey either. Just a little bit of that mush in a jar.

Alright, I guess I did get a little special attention from two of my cousins who fawned over me. At least it got Mommy to notice me enough to at least take this picture.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to bust out some new tricks just to get some attention. I'm rolling, giggling, sitting up (sort of) and just being generally adorable. It seems to work some of the time. But Mommy and Daddy better be careful. If I don't get the attention I need, I might start resorting to the more barbaric tactics that Evan Jake has demonstrated. Crying and screaming. You better not put me down now!

&asymp:O

Send Her Back

2008-11-12T19:54:00.002-05:00

That's me in the picture with my kid sister, Sarah Gill. I like Sarah Gill. She's really sweet and I can tell she totally looks up to me. But she's been hanging around here for the better part of five months, and I think it's time for her to go. Really, I think I've had enough. She needs to go.

Just this week I told Mommy that she needs to go back to the doctor and give Sarah Gill back to the hospital. Mommy just laughed and thought I was being cute and silly. I don't think she understands. She needs to give Sarah Gill back. For good.

Forget about how Sarah Gill is angling in on all my old toys. And forget about how I'm always being told to be quiet and not yell because Sarah Gill is sleeping. And nevermind the pink baby socks mixed in with my laundry. No, it's the fact that I can't spend more than 90 seconds alone with Mommy without being interrupted. Either Sarah Gill is crying. Or Sarah Gill needs to eat. Or Sarah Gill needs to go down for a nap. Or Sarah Gill needs to eat during her nap. Or Sarah Gill's clothes need to get washed. Or Sarah Gill needs new toys. Or Mommy needs to go shopping for Sarah Gill's diaper cream. Meanwhile, I'm left with some old Play-Doh and a dried out magic marker.

So, yeah. This is my house. I was here first. I'm not jealous. I'm simply claiming my birthright. Sarah Gill, you're out of luck, sister friend. Back you go. Nice knowing you!

~:O

Return to Normalcy

2008-11-05T19:40:00.003-05:00

Wow, what a week. First there was the end of the World Series. The Phillies won! Then there was the big Presidential election. And right in the middle was Halloween with lots of candy!

That's me in the first picture in my Halloween costume after collecting my haul of sweets from all of our new neighbors. It was fun going door-to-door and meeting all of the new people on our block. I got red candy bars, brown candy bars and a pencil! The candy was tasty, but that pencil was awesome!

Daddy took me Trick-or-Treating. It was the first time I had seen him in a long time. Between watching the World Series and all the election coverage, Daddy had been glued to the TV while madly tracking polls online for weeks now. Daddy even landed a ticket for the clinching game of the Phillies World Series. He went to the game and didn't even bring me home a commemorative 72oz sippy cup. Since he didn't have any memorabilia as proof, he had to show me this blurry picture as evidence that he was actually there. He claims that seeing the Phillies win the World Series was as memorable as seeing me born. The only difference is that final game -- with the rain delay and all -- lasted three whole days. It only took me one day to get born.

Anyway, now that all of that excitement is past, we're all looking forward to getting back to life as normal. And by that, I mean Daddy ignoring me to watch reruns of "How It's Made" on the Science Channel.

~:O

diaperReport: The Philadelphia Zoo

2008-10-26T20:18:00.009-04:00

Wow, what a zoo! Today we made our very first trip to the Philadelphia Zoo, "America's First Zoo." Judging by the size of the crowds today, you'd think it was America's ONLY Zoo. You'd think they were giving out free Halloween candy or something. Oh, wait. They were!

It was a beautiful fall day in our new city. So we all piled into the biggie-van and headed downtown to the zoo. The only problem was that about 100,000 other families had the same exact idea. So after waiting in traffic for about an hour, we finally arrived at the zoo. It was totally worth the wait, though. I had a great time. I don't know about my sister, Sarah Gill. Since she was in the stroller with her shade up the whole time, I don't konw how much she was actually able to see. I think she slept most of the time anyway. Boy, did she miss out.

The Philadelphia Zoo has an amazing assembly of exhibits. The "big cats" area is awesome. I got to see lions and tigers and jaguars up close and personal. I wanted to pet them and give them a kiss. They were all outside enjoying the nice weather and looked friendly enough. In other parts of the zoo, there were penguins and ducks and bears and monkeys all outside playing, too.

But my favorite part was the elephants. That's me in the picture in front of the elephants. I had my little elephant friend with me -- he's known as "Baby Noam." Baby Noam normally sleeps with me at home, but today I took him to the zoo to meet his family. Baby Noam isn't nearly as big as those elephants and he's smells better, too.

There were lots of other exhibits at the zoo -- like the Treehouse, the aviary and the Reptile Farm -- that we didn't even get to see today. There's so much to do at this zoo that we'll have to go back again and again just to see it all. Baby Noam and I can't wait for our next visit!

Overall Rating: A Pacie

~:O

That's Me in the Corner

2008-10-12T10:44:00.005-04:00

Well, it's been two weeks since we moved into our new big house. It's a good thing this house is big because it's completely filled with boxes. Wow, that's a lot of boxes.

The first thing that Mommy unpacked was my saucer. That's me in the saucer. That's me in the saucer in the corner. That's me in the saucer in the corner while Mommy digs through boxes. And while Mommy is digging through boxes, Evan is rummaging around the new house and "helping" to unpack boxes, too.

Daddy has been working a lot at his new job and sometimes I wonder if he actually plans to live in this house or at his office.

Moving hasn't been all bad. Evan Jake started a new pre-school this week. So for at least a few hours a day, I get Mommy's undivided neglect.

I know this is all temporary. The house is going to be a wonderful place for us all to live as a family. And I enjoy those moments I get to spend with Mommy -- when the roof isn't leaking, the cable gets fixed and the repairmen all leave.

&asymp:O

Here We Move Again...

2008-09-24T21:45:00.002-04:00

Thank you for your patience while diaperlogue once again relocates our headquarters to another new house...this one with a nicer yard to play in.

I got dibs on the big bedroom!

~:O

Sarah Gill for President

2008-09-13T18:46:00.007-04:00

Wow, I've become quite the phenomenon this past week. Every time the TV is on, I hear people talking about the "Sarah Factor." Crowds of people are chanting my name at rallies. "Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!" All the news shows are talking about Sarah this and Sarah that. Newspapers are running articles about the "Sarah Bounce." Now that sounds a bit dangerous for a little baby like me. My big brother would like nothing more than to see how high I bounce.

I can't say I'm totally surprised at all the fuss over me. I am Sarah Gill. Look how cute I am!

Not everyone on the TV or the Internets is so nice when they talk about me. Some of them say I lack experience and knowledge of the issues. Well let me tell you, being a baby is a lot like being a community organizer, except I poop my pants. And I am surprisingly well-versed in foreign policy. Did you know that almost all of my toys were made in China or Indonesia?

I've been called "an outsider" but that's not really true. I've only been "an outsider" for about 12 weeks. Before that, I was the ultimate "insider."

I do plan on bringing an atmosphere of reform. My predecessor, Evan Jake, had run-up ridiculous amounts of sleep debt in this house before I came along and began sleeping through the night. And Evan Jake asked for all kinds of special earmarks for toys, crayons and stacking cups. I will reduce these costs because I am perfectly content using hand-me-down stacking cups. That new "Bouncy Chair to Nowhere"? I said thanks, but no thanks. This is the kind of discipline we need.

Oh, I heard a funny joke. What's the difference between a pit bull and Sarah Gill? A pacifier.

Okay, I know I'm probably not John McCain's running mate. I mean, the guy's never even met me. I think someone from his vetting staff may have visited this blog once by accident. But surely that couldn't be enough for him to make such a major decision for the future of our country, right?

Should I be called on to serve my country, I know I will be ready. I'll be sure not to blink. I probably will be napping instead.

≈:O

Take a Picture, It'll Last Longer

2008-08-30T21:45:00.010-04:00

I know I'm breathtakingly beautiful. One glance at me and it's hard to look away.

While you're staring at my ravishing splendor, take a good look at my eyes. They're sort of a grayish, bluish, blue-gray. Mommy has blue eyes. Daddy and my big brother Evan have brown. There are many opinions and genetic possibilities as to what color my eyes will eventually be. So help me out here and share your thoughts:

≈:O

My Pal Joey

2008-08-28T15:20:00.006-04:00

My Mommy has a pen-pal in Sydney, Australia. They keep in touch over the Internets because Australia, to my understanding, is like very far away. Like way farther away than Wegmans.

Anyway, Mommy's pen pal, who also has a little boy my age, decided to send me and Sarah a present. While Sarah got some pretty new clothes, I got a new blow-up toy. A kangaroo!!

Just look at this guy. Is he awesome or what? His name is Joey and he's my new best friend. We hang out together a lot now. We like to jump around and sing songs. I read him books, but I don't like when he reads to me. He has a weird accent.

I guess to show my appreciation, I will have to to find a special piece of Baltimore to send to them in Australia. I wonder where I can score an oversized inflatable heroin pipe.

~:O

Two Months Is Better Than One?

2008-08-22T20:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I've turned two months old and no one seems to have really noticed.

Evan Jake's summer camp is over, so now he's home all day robbing attention away from Mommy. So I'm just stuck over in the corner of the living room in my swing all alone.

Daddy has been really busy getting ready to change jobs and getting us ready to move houses. He's a nice Daddy who talks to me and tries to play with me -- while I sit in my swing in the corner of the living room.

Nana and Pappa came for a visit this week. It was nice to see them -- albeit from afar, while sitting in my swing in the corner of the living room.

The weather has been really nice out, too. Not that I would notice from over here in my swing in the corner of the living room.

I'm trying to talk and coo and be a bit more personable. But it's hard to be interactive, from over here in my swing in the corner of the living room.

Ah, the life of a second child. I must say, I often enjoy the privacy and solitude -- from over here in my swing in the corner of the living room.

C'mon. How can anyone ignore me. Just look at this punim!

&asymp:O

Phelps-a-merrific-a-some

2008-08-17T08:21:00.002-04:00

These Olympics have been on so late at night, I haven't been allowed to stay up and watch any of Michael Phelps's's races. That's me and Sarah sitting on the sofa watching the early morning recap of the 10m women's air pistol competition. Wow, how exciting. But living here in a Baltimore, it's been impossible to avoid the Phelps-mania-craze-fest-extravaganza-palooza -- no matter what time you go to bed.

This week when my camp class went to the pool, Phelps was all everyone was talking about. Have you ever seen a two-year old try to swim the butterfly? The thing is, I might actually be really good at swimming if I wasn't so terrified of going in the water myself. Plus, you would never catch me dead in one of those tiny bathing suits. I don't see any way my swimmy diaper will fit under one of those.

Everyone around here is so proud of Michael Phelps. Heck, he grew up swimming just down the street from our house. Daddy took me down there this week to show me the pool where he used to train. But I was really more interested in the ice cream shop across the street. I bet Michael Phelps needs lots of ice cream to swim that fast. I wonder if he likes chocolate sprinkles or rainbow sprinkles. I had both just to be sure.

I might not be the next Michael Phelps, I just want to be the first Evan Jake. Well, maybe I can be an Olympian some day. If they ever make Play-Doh an Olympic event, I should be the odds-on favorite.

~:O

I Do Have Pretty Eyes

2008-08-10T15:41:00.005-04:00

I hear what you're saying about me...

"She has a charming personality."

"Her hair is so soft and shiny."

"She has such beautiful eyes."

"Wow, she's getting big!"

Okay, so I've packed on a few pounds since I got born. But it's all milk-weight. So don't call me "fat" or "chubby" or "pudgy" or "rotund." That's not something to say about a beautiful little girl like me. Do you want me to get an eating disorder already? I hardly ever spit up after a meal and I'd like it to stay that way.

So cut me some slack. This is the only time in my life I get to eat as much as I want, whenever I want. And I get to triple my body weight in a year without anyone judging. So if you'll excuse me, I think I need a little snack.

≈:O

A Little Off the Top

2008-08-04T19:46:00.004-04:00

I got my hair cut this weekend. My little cousin Drew didn't have it quite so easy.

That's me in the picture sporting my new trim. Aren't I cute? I sat really still and was a good boy the whole time. Except for when the lady tickled my neck with those buzzers. Who can sit still for that?! But that little tickle was nothing compared to what my brave cousin had to go through.

Daddy took me to get my hair cut because this was a special weekend for the family. We all drove up to see our new cousin Drew. He's brand new. Newer than my little sister Sarah.

When we got to my cousin's house, this man arrived. He said he was the mohel. "Uh, oh," I said to myself. I remember what this guy is all about. I pretended like I wanted to play outside and made a b-line for the door. I wasn't going to let him anywhere near me.

But before the mohel got to work on my cousin, he first wanted to do something to my sister Sarah. Hey, hands off her! She's a girl, can't you tell? She's wearing pink!! Oh, he just wanted to say a special blessing to give her her name. I bet he thought he was being all original by saying that he was giving her the name "Sarah Gill." What a dope. She already had that name for like six weeks. Dummy. He could have asked me. I could have told you that!

Then the mohel went to business on my cousin. He did his thing and the whole ordeal was over before I could make it across state lines. Turns out I couldn't leave anyway. I had left my precious "luvie" in their house and had to go back in to get it.

It was great to see the whole family. And the cookies were good, too. I'm just grateful I made out with only a haircut.

~:O

Who? Me, Stress?

2008-07-26T12:43:00.004-04:00

Okay, it's been a while since Evan Jake or I have had a chance to post anything here on diaperlogue. I bet you're all wondering what's happening. Well, there's been a lot going on.

For those of you who don't already know, my Daddy got a fancy new job in a new city. I guess all of those years of slacking off, making personal long-distance phone calls from his office and stealing stationery supplies went remarkably unnoticed by other potential employers. Now he has a big important new job, and he might have to take this one a little more seriously.

I just had a major relocation myself about a month ago and now I have to move again. With that last move I had, I wasn't allowed to take anything with me. Not even any clothes. I didn't get a relocation allowance or anything. This time, I will get to take all my stuff with me -- my swing, my pacifiers, my diapers, my blankies -- everything goes!

I have to say, the house we live in now isn't nearly suitable for this princess, anyway. I'm glad that Mommy and Daddy have gone out and bought us a new house that is much bigger. My new room will be so much more spacious and is much sunnier. I can't wait to get in there and paint it pink and purple. That will be awesome.

Daddy seems a little stressed with having to move us all to a new city and start a new job. I think his hair is turning gray. I must be stressing a little, too, because all of my hair is falling out and my face has broken out with pimples. Oh, the horror!

I'm still pretty darned cute, though. If Daddy gets too stressed, he can just look at me and feel all better. Aren't I beautiful? Yes. Yes, I am.

≈:O

No, I'm the Baby!

2008-07-17T23:21:00.005-04:00

I'm barely three weeks old, and I've already been shown up!

Yesterday, my new cousin got born. Now I'm not the little baby any more. I'm the middle cousin on Dad's side!

Well, I hope I get to meet my new cousin soon. We can commiserate about that whole birthing thing and swap womb-tales. And just so you all don't forget about me while you fuss over the new baby, here's an adorable picture of none other than me, Sarah Gill!

≈:O

DiaperReport: Maryland Science Center

2008-07-05T09:06:00.002-04:00

Last weekend, my Daddy took me to the Maryland Science Center. Mommy and Sarah stayed home to sleep. What else is new? They missed out on a pretty fun time. That first picture of me is at the Inner Harbor. This is as close as Daddy would let me back up to the water because there are no railings. It makes one wonder how many tourists have shuffled into position for a picture and found themselves suddenly all wet. But back to the Science Center...

We went right when they opened on Sunday morning and it was a perfect time to go. Daddy got us a parking space on the street right in front of the museum. And there were no lines to get in.

The first thing we saw was the dinosaur exhibit. This is what I was most excited about, as Daddy had been hyping up the dinosaurs for a couple days in advance. There were big tall dinosaur skeletons everywhere. There were also some very lifelike looking statues of walking dinosaurs. There was a loud "roaring" sound coming from that particular exhibit that kind of freaked me out. I had to put my fingers in my ears and run in the other direction. Do they really have to make the statues so scary? I bet the real dinosaurs were much nicer and cuddlier.

The best part of the dinosaur museum was the digging part. There were some undiscovered dinosaur bones right there in the museum that needed to be uncovered! So I put on some protective glasses, grabbed a brush and went to work. I was quite proud of my discovery and wasn't too pleased when the museum guide covered over my bones with fresh sand as I left.

After the dinosaur exhibit, we went upstairs and checked out all the cool physics displays. I had tons of fun running around and pushing all the buttons that made sparks jump, pendulums swing, tornadoes spin and magnets repel. They even had a giant bubble-maker. Oh, man, I love bubbles.

I loved the dedicated kids' room. In here I got to really run in cirlces, splash around at the water exhibit, play with springs, pegs and swirling ball thingies. It was cool. And I finally got to meet a fake Cal Ripken, since I never got to meet the real Cal Ripken. That's a picture of me shaking the fake Cal Ripken's hand.

After leaving the kids' area, Daddy decided we should take a pass on "Body Worlds 2." I guess he didn't feel I need the detailed anatomy lesson just yet.

So on the way out, Daddy bought me a stuffed dinosaur from the museum store. This guy was definitely cuddlier than those bones I saw earlier. All-in-all, we had a really good time and I only wish Mommy and Sarah had gotten to come along, too.

Overall Rating: "A Pacie"

~:O

One Week

2008-06-29T14:30:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's been a whole week since I was getting born. It's just flown by. Probably because I've been sleeping most of the time.

Speaking of which, look what time it is. I think I need a nap. While I snooze, you may feast your eyes on another adorable picture of me, Sarah Gill.

≈:O

Wake Up!

2008-06-28T17:14:00.006-04:00

Seriously, sister. This is all you got? You say you want to take over diaperlogue. You say you want to steal all my toys. But it's going to be awfully hard for you to accomplish any of that if you're sleeping all the time.

That's a picture of me and Sarah together. She's the little one with the chicken legs sticking out of those goofy pink shorts. Sarah was barely awake long enough for Daddy to snap this picture. As it is, you can see she looks pretty groggy in this photo.

Ever since she came home, all she seems to do is sleep. Doesn't she know what she's missing? I certainly never slept this much. Not even close. She hardly ever cries or fusses, either. C'mon, we gotta give these two knucklehead parents a run for their money. I've got a few things I need to teach this little girl. Like crying will always get you what you want. And when you do get what you want, cry a little more just for good measure. It's a good discipline to have.

What surprises me, is that even though Mommy and Daddy have done this once before, they still look pretty clueless as parents of a newborn. I don't see them rushing over to Sarah every two minutes like they did with me to make sure she's breathing. And they definitely don't wash off the pacifier every time it drops on the floor. But even though Sarah looks to be a really mellow, sleepy baby, they still seem to need lots of help.

My Nana was here for several days this week. She helped to take care of me, cooked us meals and helped with some cleaning around the house. Little does Nana know, those are activities that rarely happen around here on their own. "Cooking" usually involves a can opener or a telephone. "Child care" often consists of a video or a cartoon show. And "cleaning," well, with a two-year old, it's hopeless anyway.

I was sad to see Nana leave and I want to thank her for taking such good care of all of us. I also got a quick visit from my Bubbe and Zayde, but they didn't do any cleaning. They only wanted to hold Sarah, even though she barely opened her eyes the entire time they were here. Man, I hope that was worth the tank of gas.

Maybe Sarah will start to come around and help me team up on Mommy and Daddy. They deserve a little more excitement.

~:O

Hi, I'm Sarah Gill

2008-06-25T21:42:00.006-04:00

Hi, I'm Evan Jake's new little sister, Sarah Gill. I just got born. That's a picture of me. As you can see, I am positively beautiful.

Evan Jake seemed quite happy to meet me in the hospital when I was brand new. And he gave me a really big welcome when I came home. He seems very happy to have me around. But wait until he realizes that even though I am tiny and precious, I'm really here to move in on all his stuff. Oh, it will all be mine.

Yes, I will monopolize Mommy's time and make her so tired that she won't have energy for anyone else -- not Evan Jake and surely not Daddy. I've also got my eyes on all those cool baby toys, high chairs, car chairs and stacking cups.

Evan Jake, you better watch out because I'm already here on diaperlogue staking my turf! I know you don't particularly like the idea of sharing your toys, your Mommy or your blog with your kid sister. That's okay, because I'm not really interested in sharing either. Don't worry, big brother, I'll be taking things from here on out.

≈:O

Welcome Sarah Gill!

2008-06-22T07:39:00.000-04:00

Nine Months and Counting

2008-06-21T21:17:00.003-04:00

My little sister was supposed to be here by now. She's late. Something tells me this won't be the last time I'll be kept waiting by my kid sister. I'm guessing that she'll be messing up my plans for years to come.

Mommy has gone from looking ripe to looking rotten. I don't think she's too happy about the new baby being late. Daddy, meanwhile, is going a little nuts himself. We've all been waiting and waiting on my sister and she hasn't arrived. I looked out the window today to see if I could spot her coming. But I didn't see her.

So we'll all just continue to wait and wait and wait. Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't mind waiting a little longer. Okay, a lot longer.

~:O

Evan Jake v2.5

2008-06-14T15:31:00.003-04:00

Nine-hundred thirteen days. One-Hundred Thirty Weeks. Thirty Months. However you count it, today is my two-and-a-halfth birthday!

It's been a wild ride, and life is about to get a lot more interesting. Of course there's my baby sister. She'll be here any day and I can't wait to meet her. But that isn't the only big change coming.

Daddy got a fancy new job in a new city. I guess no one noticed all that slacking off he does at his current "job." Even though we just moved into our new house with stairs a year ago, we'll be moving again! I hope our new house has stairs, too.

We owe a special thanks to my Nana and Papa who were here all week to play with me, buy me toys and cook us delicious food. They also did a lot to help Mommy and Daddy get the house ready to sell. We'll be moving a little further away from Nana and Papa, but we'll also be very close to my Bubbe and Zayde, my aunt and uncle and my new cousin.

Daddy is really sweating the idea of selling the house right now. I think we should keep the house and not sell it. That way, when my baby sister comes, she can live here and I can go with Mommy and Daddy to the new house.

So the next couple months are going to be very exciting. I hope you all can keep up with us!

~:O

Is It Summer Yet?

2008-06-08T12:26:00.003-04:00

I don't think it's officially summer yet, but it sure feels like it around here. Wow, it was hot this weekend -- like en untero hot. It was so hot, I don't have anything to blog about, really. Daddy took me outside to play early this morning. Even then it was pretty darned hot, so we went back inside after just a couple minutes.

Mommy didn't go outside at all. In her condition, Daddy didn't even want her getting near the windows during a heat-wave like this. So we mostly all stayed inside and tried to keep cool. I had to settle for playing with all my toys inside and dumping them everywhere. It's funny to watch Mommy try and bend over to pick up my toys with that big belly of hers in the way. Hee hee. I'm already enjoying torturing my little sister by proxy!

My Nana and Papa are coming tomorrow, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them again. Hopefully it will be a bit cooler so we can go outside and play around the neighborhood. At the very least, maybe Nana can take me to Wegmans. I'm sure getting tired of being so cooped up!

~:O

The Countdown

2008-06-01T22:07:00.004-04:00

Well, it's June. And that means my baby sister is coming really soon. I'm trying to make the most of my time with Mommy while I still can. So whenever Mommy tries to put me down for a nap or put me to bed, I will scream and cry for her just so we can get a little more time together.

Mommy's belly is really big. That baby sister must be enormous. I wonder how she's going to get out of there. Does she have an exit strategy? For Mommy's sake I hope she does.

Meanwhile, the house continues to fill up with pink toys and pink clothes. Last week a gigantic box of pastel-colored clothes arrived from my girlie cousins. (Thanks guys!) When Mommy opened the box, it looked like a Pepto-Bismol carton had exploded. I guess it's okay that my baby sister is getting all of her own pretty pink things. Because there's no way she's getting near any of my toys! It's bad enough she might try to steal my Mommy.

~:O

Mom-Mom-Mom

2008-05-23T11:30:00.004-04:00

We love you and will miss you always.

Spring Showers

2008-05-18T22:01:00.004-04:00

The weekend started with Mommy and Daddy taking me for a haircut. It had been a while since I'd had a trim. The fact that I hadn't been in a while probably had something to do with the fact that I have kicked up a fuss during past visits to the barber and refused to sit still at all. This time was different.

When I got in the chair, I let the barber lady put the big backwards cape on me. It was blue and had a puppy dog on it. I thought that was pretty cool. Then I sat really, really still the entire time while I got my hairdo trimmed. I realized that the more I squirm, the harder it is to get a perfect cut. Because I really need to look my absolute best and cutest all the time, I decided to give in and give the nice lady with sharp scissors a fighting chance. The new coif came out pretty good, I must say.

After my haircut, we all got in the car and drove to my Bubbe and Zayde's house. I guess Mommy and Daddy really wanted to show off my haircut to everyone. Did I mention how cute it looked?

While we were at my Bubbe and Zayde's there just so happened to be a big party for my aunt and uncle. It was a baby shower because I'm going to have a new cousin soon. There were lots of presents. But the strange thing was, the presents weren't for me (they usually always are). And the fussing wasn't all over me (it almost always is). The presents and the doting were all for my aunt and my future cousin.

Okay, there were a couple presents set aside that weren't for my future cousin. They were for my future sister! Uh, excuse me. I'm not really happy with this new arrangement. This is cruel and unusual treatment. Someone please help me!!

~:O

No Photos, Please

2008-05-04T23:28:00.003-04:00

This spring, it seems like I've had just one annoying illness after another. There was the croup and all the other usual ear infections and head colds.

Now I have a pesky little case of pink eye. So Daddy gave me a pair of his sunglasses to conceal my gruesome condition. That's me in the picture sporting my shades. I think it's a pretty good look for me, don't you think?

Meanwhile, Mommy has to put this gooey medicine in my eyes. They say pink eye is highly contagious. So Mommy and Daddy will probably be using some of the eye medicine themselves real soon. Probably the cats, too.

So until we're all recuperated and out of pink eye quarantine, no pictures, please.

~;O

Gearing Up

2008-04-28T22:11:00.003-04:00

Spring has definitely arrived. In fact, it feels like summer arrived at the same time, too.

The weather has gotten warm. Which means wearing shorts, t-shirts and sandals and running around at the park. It also means my favorite foods are back -- namely corn on the cob and ice cream. That's me in the picture eating corn on the cob.

It's also been the season of birthdays. My Bubbie, Nana, Pappa and Daddy all had birthdays in the past couple weeks. That meant Mommy had to buy lots of cards and stamps. I signed all the card personally, which is more than Daddy can say.

And as the weather gets warmer, I can't help but notice Mommy getting bigger and more uncomfortable. As her belly gets larger, I get this ominous feeling that something serious is about to happen. My sister's arrival is getting closer by the day. So I'm planning to spend what's left of this spring living it up, only-child style. Getting all the corn and ice cream I can get my sticky fingers on! I wonder, will my sister like corn? If she does, she better get her own-doggone cob.

~:O

Pass Me Over

2008-04-21T22:28:00.005-04:00

On Saturday my Bubbie and Zayde came to visit for Passover. We had a seder at our house. That means everyone sits around the table and we tell the story of Exodus about how the Jews quickly fled from Egypt and didn't have enough time to let the bread rise before baking.

I think if my Mommy and Daddy had to suddenly flee somewhere, they'd have a lot more to worry about than how to bake bread. I can just see Daddy loading up the biggie-van with my portable crib and booster chair, calling the neighbors to pick up the mail and making sure all the lights and faucets were off. Mommy meanwhile would be making sure she had enough outfits for me to wear, stocking up on diapers and videos for the trip. We don't move too quickly these days. It can take half an hour just to get ready to the grocery store. So fleeing in a hurry would be quite a chaotic ordeal, that's for sure.

Anyway, back to the seder. Mommy did an amazing job cooking brisket and matzah balls. My favorite part of the dinner was getting to eat the matzah. That's me in the picture eating a whole big piece of matzah myself. Needless to say, there were some crumbs under my chair at the end of the night. I never did get my four sippy cups of grape juice.

Oh, but I did get to go and find the afikomen matzah. (Zayde didn't do a very good job of hiding it.) And when I gave Zayde the afikomen, I got a present. It was some awesome Play-Do. Is Play-Do kosher for Passover? I was sure not to eat it, just in case.

On Sunday, my aunt and uncle came to visit. They're making me a cousin. I can't wait to meet him. We had a lot of fun hanging out and my aunt played the piano for me. She's a way better at playing the piano than Daddy. Then again, so am I.

It was a full weekend of family and I had lots of fun. But today, was the biggest day of all -- Daddy's birthday! I made him a card and wished him a happy birthday. He keeps getting older, but I keep getting cuter. Isn't life grand? Anyway, happy birthday, Daddy!

~:O

Meeska, Mooska?

2008-04-13T14:42:00.006-04:00

The first ominous sign was an icky mess on the kitchen floor this morning that Mommy had to clean up. Then I heard a shriek from upstairs. It was Daddy. He came running down and Mommy went up to explore.

There, at the top of the stairs was my kitty cat friend Emma, sitting with a content look on her face, protecting her treasure. Curled up at her feet was a tiny and very dead little mouse. Emma killed Mickey! I guess this mouse forgot to say the magic words before he came inside. This was no magic clubhouse.

Apparently, I'm being raised in a home infested with rodents. But before you call social services, I'd like to point out that this was a very cute rodent, one I probably would have enjoyed playing with. Luckily we have cats like Emma kitty who surprisingly still have natural instincts beyond napping and eating canned food. And I'm lucky to have a brave Mommy who will pick up dead rodents and bugs when Daddy won't go anywhere near them. What a whimp.

Hopefully the rest of Mickey's friends will be a little more careful if they try to sneak into our house in the middle of the night.

~:O

Deja Toys

2008-04-07T21:12:00.004-04:00

This weekend my friend Baby Sara came to visit. We had a great time hanging out. But mostly, I was fired up because Sara brought me some of these really cool toys. They all looked strangely familiar -- like I had played with them in a previous life. She brought a kickin' baby swing and an awesome activity mat. Mommy says that they are baby toys and that I'm too big for them now. But I don't care. I'm loving these toys.

Daddy explained that the toys originally belonged to me and that baby Sara had been borrowing them - now she was bringing them back. I had zero recollection of these toys. And my toy IQ is pretty high. So Daddy went and found this old picture of me playing with the activity mat when I was just a few weeks old to jog my toddler memory. Whatever, Daddy. I don't even recognize that little runt. Are you sure that's me?

I love to play with the swing, too. I don't care that I'm just a tad too big for it. Mommy says it's ironic since I hated the swing when I was little and she couldn't get me to stay in it for more than a minute without screaming. I must have been screaming for joy because this swing is totally tricked out. All those flashing lights and music -- it's totally rad. I can't get enough!

Anyway, Mommy told me not to get too attached to the toys because soon my baby sister would be playing with them. Say what now? Doesn't she get all her own toys? Is she really going to move in on my toy turf? I don't think so. We're going to have a problem.

~:O

March Madness

2008-03-30T21:23:00.002-04:00

Daddy is about to go into hibernation on the couch for the spring and summer months. That's because baseball season is here. I tried to convince Daddy that college basketball is the way to go (and the tournament only lasts a couple weeks). That's me in the picture throwing down the rock. Daddy tries to play me at one-on-one, but can't defend me in the paint and has no perimeter range.

But ultimately, Daddy is a baseball fan through-and-through. I guess if I want to spend any time with him over the next six months, I'll have to start liking baseball too. Either that or get my own remote control and take over the TV. For Mommy's sake, I hope that my little sister arrives on an off-day.

~:O

Voila, Pastels!

2008-03-25T18:42:00.001-04:00

Remember when I got moved into my very own safari-theme room? I thought Mommy and Daddy were going to hang velvet ropes across the doorway of my old room, consecrating it as a museum celebrating the early years of Evan Jake. Turns out, they had designs on that room all along. It was going to be my little sister's room!

This weekend Daddy finally got his act together and painted it in anticipation of my sister's arrival. At last, I think he realized that Mommy wasn't going to waddle in there, climb up a ladder, suck in some paint fumes and do it herself. So he was going to have to do the painting. Or Mommy was going to really let him have it. I guess Daddies just don't have that nesting instinct the way that Mommies when they enter the last trimester.

By the way, how many of these trimesters are there? I hope there are a lot more because I'm not quite ready to meet this little sister just yet. There's been so much hype already, I think I'm just going to be let down in a very big way. But I digress.

It looks like Daddy did a pretty nice job painting the room without spilling too much paint on himself or the carpet. And Mommy did a beautiful job stitching up some curtains. But yuk -- those colors! All that pale yellow, pink and green. What a travesty. I can't believe what they did to my old room!

All those frilly colors in her room do not bode well. Apparently, Mommy is working on some pink slip covers for that rocking chair because heaven forbid the little princess is seen sitting in a blue rocking chair.

I'll be sticking to shades of grass stain and mud pie, thank you very much.

~:O

Rasch, Rasch, Raise the Roof!

2008-03-22T16:36:00.005-04:00

On Friday we celebrated Purim at my day care school. All of us kids were made to dress up and march around the building holding onto a rope. I dunno, kids in awkwardly fitting costumes, running around, tugging on a tangled rope -- it all didn't seem very safe. But I came out unscathed. Daddy even showed up at my school for once, but only to take some embarrassing photos of me.

That's me in the picture in the monkey costume. Some of you may recognize this monkey costume as the one I reluctantly donned for Halloween. I was equally resistant to wearing the costume again for Purim. At least on halloween I got to eat lots and lots of candy. For Purim, all we got were these triangle-shaped cookies called Hamantaschen. Some had cherry filling and some had chocolate chips in the middle. But none of them had chewy nougat or caramel inside like that yummy Halloween candy. Heck, Easter candy is better than these things. That's me in the second picture trying to convince Mommy to take one of those Hamantaschen off my hands. C'mon Mommy, all the other kids are doin' it!

After the Purim parade, we all sat around and sang songs. And they handed out noisemakers -- or "groggers" as they're known in Hebrew. Only they ran out of "groggers" and I didn't get one. I'm usually a pretty good noisemaker all on my own, but I would have liked a little extra help to really join into the din of Purim. Instead I got some stupid bells to shake. Whoopie doo.

I guess as far as all the holidays go, Purim isn't so bad. It certainly made a regular Friday a little more fun. And it got Daddy off his tushy to come down and spend some time with us.

So until next year:

Hava nar'isha rasch, rasch, rasch!
Raise the roof and make some noise!

~:O

Pudding!

2008-03-19T18:40:00.004-04:00

One of my favorite activities these days is cooking. Hey, somebody's got to do it around here and I don't see Daddy stepping it up any time soon. I mean, how many microwaved hot dogs and M&Ms is a child supposed to eat? Answer me that, Daddy.

I like helping Mommy bake cookies, cupcakes and muffins. My favorite part of the baking is the mixing. Oh, wait, my favorite part is getting to eat them after they're done.

Tonight I got to cook pudding! I know, making pudding isn't technically "cooking" since the most difficult part seems to be getting the box open. I got to mix the pudding in the bowl and then we put it in the fridge to cool for a half hour. I have to say, that was the worst half hour of my life. I wanted that chocolate pudding so bad! Combine my lack of an afternoon nap with a major jonesing for pudding and I was one cranky toddler.

When we finally got to eat the pudding, Daddy complained that my specially-made pudding had lots of lumps in it. Well, if he doesn't like it, Daddy can make his own darned pudding. My arms are little and you'll have to excuse me if my mixing skills aren't quite up to speed.

Anyway, that's me in the pictures mixing the pudding and then getting to eat it. I promise you, despite how my face looks in that second photo, most of the pudding did make it into my belly.

~:O

Baby Savings Time

2008-03-12T19:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, it's been several days now since this whole daylight savings time thing started, and I'm still all messed up. What the heck is this? Suddenly I have to go to bed an hour earlier, but it's actually an hour later. Can someone please explain that to me?

On Sunday morning I saw Daddy walking around the house resetting all of the clocks. Was this just an experiment to see if I would notice? Was it a trick to get me to nap for an extra hour? Whatever the deal is, I'm still pretty cranky about the whole thing. And it's not getting any easier to get to bed at 8:30, 7:30, 6:30 or whenever.

I think this whole daylight savings thing is just a cruel fate for already exhausted babies and their Mommies and Daddies.

~:O

Play It Again, Evan Jake

2008-03-01T18:57:00.005-05:00

I seem to be getting over my case of the croup. I finished up my course of steroids and I feel ready for Spring Training. But while I finish up my recovery, I hope you enjoy this little video of me singing -- albeit a bit hoarse -- at the piano. I know I'm no "Hey-Jude Baby", but I think my singing and playing is still better than my Daddy's.

~:O

Blue Man Croup

2008-02-25T22:26:00.004-05:00

Whoa, I've just been totally knocked on my tushy. Over the weekend I got this really bad fever and I had a barking cough. This afternoon, Mommy finally took me to the doctor and they said I have croup! What in the world is croup? It sounds like something that shouldn't still be around anymore -- like measles, scurvy or guinea-worm disease.

Well, whatever croup is, I've got a nasty case of it. My doctor sent me to the emergency room to get treated. I got rushed right in. I'm sure this was due to the cuteness triage. That always moves me to the front of the line.

The treatment for croup is steroids. Luckily I can take these steroids in a tasty medicine. No needles necessary. If only Roger Clemens knew about the tasty medicine, he wouldn't be in the mess he's in now.

When I came home from the hospital, I was pretty miserable. And still am. It's been hard to breathe but my cough has gotten a little better. All I can do is curl up in Mommy's lap and act pathetic. Cute and pathetic, that is.

Yours crouply,
Evan Jake

~:O

DiaperReports: The Smithsonian Institution Air and Space Museum Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center

2008-02-21T19:08:00.007-05:00

This past weekend, I was treated to an impromptu trip to the Smithsonian Institution Air and Space Museum Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center at Dulles International Airport in Loudon County, Virginia. Wow, say that three times fast!

Daddy has taken me to the airport before to watch the airplanes take off and land. I love to watch the airplanes fly overhead and yell out, "Airplane!" But this airport had a big giant museum with a hangar full of lots and lots of airplanes. As we walked through the massive building, I couldn't help myself. "Airplane! Airplane! Airplane! Airplane!" There were airplanes everywhere!

There were airplanes hanging from the ceiling, parked on the ground, stacked on top of one another and nestled into corners. There were Russian fighter jets sitting just feet away from American spy planes. There was a Concorde plane and the Enola Gay. There were sleek fighter jets and big passenger jets. There were rocket ships, missles, helicopters, bi-planes and sea planes. There was even a space shuttle!

Daddy thought that even though the museum was positively huge, it was so tightly packed with aircraft that it was almost impossible to appreciate their scale and design. Me, I just loved running across the large, open aisles. I ran from one end of the hangar to the other, and then back. It's almost as if the place was designed with rambunctious two-year old boys in mind.

But my favorite part of the whole museum was the store. It was full of little toy airplanes! I wanted play with all of them. I think I was able to get through about half of them before we had to leave. Mommy and Daddy got me a little toy space shuttle and a t-shirt to remember the trip by, since they forgot to take the camera!

I hope they take me to this airport museum again, if not to play with the rest of the toys in the store, then at least to run around like crazy! Oh, and to see the airplanes, too.

~:O

Evan Jake Goes Viral

2008-02-16T21:18:00.011-05:00

Following a prominent posting on the popular consumer advocacy blog The Consumerist on Friday, 14,000 people have suddenly chosen to spend two minutes of their lives watching me impersonate my Daddy talking on the phone to the cable company. (UPDATE: My video now exceeds 27,000 viewings, putting me in the same league as videos of dogs barking at images of Mary Hart on TV.)

I posted this video four months ago, but only now is its true genius being appreciated by the masses. Well...appreciated by some, anyway. There were many comments left at consumerist.com about my video. There were basically two variations of the messages left behind:

But one comment stood out as particularly indicative of an individual completely lacking in the humor region of the brain:

"Well, as I work for a cable company, I can tell you why they always ask for a number. Verification. We're told to verify EVERYTHING. People change numbers. People call from work. Sometimes the caller ID just doesn't work, and shows a 0 for the number. I'd say ours works properly about 60-70% of the time. And that was adorable."
-- ATTACKGYPSY

At least this person knows "adorable" when they see it -- even if he/she can't find any humor in the annoying habit the cable company has in asking you for your phone number every two minutes, even after you've been required to enter it manually "using your touch-tone phone." I digress.

I also must note that obviously one of my great aunts is to thank for my newly-discovered fame. This narrows the possible suspects to just a handful of people. But if the real great aunt would please stand up, I can properly thank you publicly for your contribution to society.

In case you missed this wonderful video of me, or simply wanted to watch it again, please click below for your viewing pleasure:

~:O

Evan Amadeus Jake

2008-02-14T18:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we got a piano in our house! That's me in the picture sitting at our new piano. I like to play the piano. I'm sure the neighbors love to hear me play the piano a lot.

No one else in the house is allowed to play the piano but me. When I play, everyone else must sing along, no exceptions. I prefer if people sing along to the song I'm playing, but I'm not always so particular. I know it can sometimes be difficult to figure out exactly what song I'm playing. Most of it sounds like random banging. But one could say the same about Daddy's piano playing, too.

I'll keep practicing. Maybe someday I'll be able to play chopsticks -- even though I'm still getting the hang of using a fork.

~:O

Evan Jake: The Sequel

2008-02-11T19:24:00.000-05:00

Mommy had some more pictures taken of her belly this week and the doctor saw a baby girl in there. I'm going to have a sister! That's good news for me because this means that I get to be a big brother. I definitely didn't want to be a big sister. That would have been awkward.

That's my sister in the picture chilling in the womb. Ah, those were the days. I wish I could tell her to make the most of it while she's there. Because once you're out, you're out.

Knowing that there's a little girl on the way, I have this fear that my toy bins are about to be invaded by baby dolls and pink fairy wands. Gross. And my old nursery is about to get the sugar-and-spice treatment. Luckily, I've got my cool big boy room as a safari oasis.

I hear there are some advantages to having a kid sister. Like when we get older, she can help me dress cool and give me advice on girls. But until then, I'm dreading those dance recitals and tea parties. If I'm lucky, maybe she'll be one of those girls that likes to play baseball -- just so long as she isn't better than me.

~:O

Now Spit!

2008-01-29T19:42:00.000-05:00

Today, Mommy took me to the tooth doctor for the very first time. I got to sit in a big pink reclining chair and they had videos on the ceiling.

I was very well behaved and sat still the whole time. Mommy had been talking up the dentist for a couple days now, so I was all ready to go in there and say, "Ah!"

So when I was in the dentist chair, I took my cue and opened wide. I was hoping to get some happy gas, but the dentist just took a tiny mirror and put it in my mouth. It tasted like shiny. He said my teeth looked really good in the mirror. Then he told Mommy to be sure to brush my teeth twice a day. I only brush them once a day now, before bed time. And that's plenty for me. The dentist man also told Mommy to floss my teeth every night. Yeah, as if.

I thought denists gave out candy, but this one only gave me a sticker. What a rip-off. I was totally not buying it. So he gave me a new toothbrush to take home instead. "Ooh, a toothbrush. What fun." I pretended to be totally excited about it. Given all the sharp tools I saw there, I don't want to get on this guy's bad side.

I appreciate the concern for my teeth, but aren't they all going to fall out anyway? So shouldn't I enjoy not brushing and flossing while I can? I wouldn't mind if my teeth fell out early. I could use the tooth-fairy cash.

~:O

Snow Bawl

2008-01-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

Woo hoo! Snow!!

I got out of school early this week because there was snow. Here in Maryland, sometimes we get out of school before there's even any snow at all. But on Thursday, it was coming down good, so they sent us home.

That's me in the picture playing in the snow after getting home from school. I had a great time running around the "frozen tundra" of my neighborhood. I was so excited to play in the snow, I even acquiesced to wear my hat, mittens, boots and snow pants without much of a fight. It was so much work just to get all dressed up to go outside that I was going to have fun out there and make it last. I made snow angels and watched a doggy make yellow snow. I had an awesome time.

Even yesterday, when the snow was mostly gone, I still sought out the tiny remaining patches of snow to jump around on and squish under my feet.

Today I didn't go out to play at all. It was really, really cold. Instead, I stayed inside all day running around and driving Mommy and Daddy crazy. I get cabin fever pretty quickly. There's no keeping me down. I actually enjoy running around and playing in the cold. Maybe I have a future playing in Green Bay.

~:O

Man, What Are You Doin' Here?

2008-01-13T21:53:00.000-05:00

This weekend we got in Biggie Van and drove to Philadelphia for my Mom-Mom-Mom's birthday brunch. We went to the Cheesecake Factory. I wasn't offered any cheesecake, and I didn't get to see the factory part, so we might as well have been eating anywhere. But that wouldn't have mattered, since I was getting to see the whole family and we had a great time together.

My great-grandmother, aka Mom-Mom-Mom, is an awesome lady. And she got a way cooler party than I did for my birthday. There weren't any paper plates or messy craft projects. Just nice clean dishes and yummy food. Mom-Mom-Mom even got a real piece of cake to eat -- not just a cupcake like I got at my party. She got nice gifts, too. Although, I didn't see her getting as much cool stuff as I did. She didn't get any gifts made out of brightly-colored molded plastic or picture books made out of cardboard.

Dadda did agree to share some of his giant Belgian waffle with chocolate chips. I love waffles and I love chocolate. I never would have thought to put the two together. It was divine.

While we were there, we stayed overnight with my aunt and uncle. They have two fun kitty cats I got to chase around. And there are like three different keyboard instruments in the basement I got to play on. That's me in the picture sitting at the Clavinova playing my rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" in the style of John Cage. I also got to listen to my uncle play the guitar and he even let me hit the strings with my fist over and over.

I hear that I'll soon have new cousin to play with when I visit their house. Then I'll finally have someone decent to play duets with.

~:O

Potty Training

2008-01-05T20:04:00.000-05:00

Over the winter vacation, Dadda decided to redo the floor in the bathroom in our basement. The bathroom had dark wall-to-wall carpeting. I guess the idea of a young male getting potty trained motivated Dadda to tear up that carpeting and put down beautiful new tile.

Dadda did an amazing job putting down the new floor. Bubbie says the floor is crooked. But I think it looks great. That's me in the potty room with the pretty new floor.

The last part of the job was putting back the potty and securing it to the newly-tiled floor. For this task, Dadda invited Zayde to come down and help. It was clear pretty early on that neither of them knew what they were doing. Taking the potty off was easy. Putting it back was hard.

Surprisingly, without too much trouble, they had the potty all back in place, bolted to the floor, tank on, flushing and full of water. That's when Dadda decided to tighten the bolts just a little bit more. And it was one turn too many when "CRACK!" the bottom of the tank shattered and water went everywhere. I was napping at the time, but I'm pretty sure I heard someone say a naughty word all the way from upstairs in my crib. They hurried to clean up the water with lots of towels. I should have loaned them some of my super absobent Pampers diapers.

I don't know why Dadda asked Zayde to come down to help. Dadda could have easily broken the potty all on his own. So with the potty shattered, and the splashed water everywhere, Dadda decided to do what he does best: He picked up the phone.

This morning a very nice man came with a brand new potty. He put it in and everything is working great. Dadda watched carefully to see the right way to put in a potty without breaking it. Personally, I'm not interested in learning how the potty works. I just want figure out how to use the darned thing.

~:O

DiaperReports: B&O Railroad Museum

2007-12-29T17:49:00.000-05:00

All Aboard!
Today Dadda took me out on a special trip to the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad Museum in downtown Baltimore. I had a great time, just me and Dadda.

I got in for free because Dadda lied about my age and said I was under two. Man, he's cheap. I've proudly been a two-year old for two weeks now! I thought for sure he'd break out that old college ID of his for an extra discount, too. But that didn't happen. I guess he's realized it's hard to pass for 19 when you have a two-year old with you.

The B&O Railroad Museum celebrates the oldest railway in the US and the history of trains. Dating back to 1830, the tracks leading out of the museum are part of the first railroad in America. The museum is housed inside the old train roundhouse where they would spin around big trains and move them from place to place. It's a huge building filled with lots of big trains and engines.

I have lots of books on trains and have seen them on my videos a lot, but I'd never gotten to see a real train up close. So this museum was a special treat. That's me in the picture standing in front of a giant steam engine.

Not only were there real live trains, there were also huge displays of toy trains. There were all these old men playing with the toy trains and they wouldn't let any of us kids touch them. All of the train sets were really elaborate and huge. They would fill our entire house and then some! I loved watching them pass by. The toy trains were amazing.

After marveling at the toy trains, Dadda took me outside where we got to go on a real train ride! Behind the museum, they have some old MARC commuter train cars that everyone gets to ride on. (Who says MARC trains don't run on the weekends!) The conductor yelled, "All aboard!" and I rushed to take my window seat. The train slowly pulled out of the station and I could hardly contain my excitement. My first train ride!

The train ride lasted about 20 minutes total and headed about a mile into west Baltimore and back. Unlike the model trains that travel through miniature bucolic woods, alongside tiny neon-lit diners and past replica Victorian train stations, this big train runs through some of the worst slums in North America. I've heard the phrase, "the other side of the tracks," but it looked pretty bad on both sides! At one point, Dadda had to shield me from a lewd act being performed in the bushes next to the tracks.

Despite the bleak tour of graffiti tagged buildings, rust yards and illicit behaviors, I loved the train ride. When we pulled back into the station, I dashed off with a spring in my step.

The roundhouse and the collection inside was severely damaged when the historic roof collapsed after a 2003 blizzard. But you wouldn't know it today. The B&O Railroad Museum is one of Baltimore's true gems and maintains it direct connection to America's industrial past -- blemishes and all. It's an institution everyone in Baltimore (and America) should be supporting as they fully rebuild. I'll definitely be asking Dadda to take me back there again some day soon! Maybe he won't skimp them out on my admission next time.

~:O

In the Year 2000

2007-12-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

Fast forward...

The year is 2023. The place is an Ivy League University. The setting is my first night at college and my freshman roommate has just arrived.

Evan Jake: Hi, my name is Evan Jake.
Roommate: Hi, roomie.
EJ: Welcome to our room. This should be a fun year.
RM: I'll say.
EJ: You know, I skipped my senior year of high school because I was accepted to college a year early.
RM: Really, you're that smart?
EJ: Well, I don't like to brag. So I let my perfect SAT scores do the talking.
RM: Wow, you are amazing. Say something brilliant.
EJ: "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."
RM: Huh?
EJ: Don't you recognize Nietzsche?
RM: Yeah, whatever. Say, Evan Jake. Can I ask you a question?
EJ: Absolutely. Just don't get all existential on me. My id can't take it right now.
RM: No, it's a simple question, really.
EJ: Shoot.
RM: What's that thing over your bed?
EJ: Oh, what this? That's my tent!
RM: Why do you have a tent over your bed?
EJ: Well, when I was just barely two-years old, I figured out how to climb out of my crib. So my Momma and Dadda got me this tent to put over my crib.
RM: Right, so why do you still have it?
EJ: I just loved my tent so much that Momma and Dadda were just never able to wean me off it. I've slept with this tent over my bed ever since.
RM: If you sleep in a tent, then where's your sleeping bag?
EJ: Sleep in a sleeping bag on top of my bed for the entire semester? That would be crazy.
RM: Yeah, crazy.
EJ: Hey, roomie, I'm going to turn in for the night. Will you zip up my tent?
RM: Sure thing.
EJ: I've got class at 9:15 tomorrow, so will you unzip me around 8?
RM: I'll see what I can do.
EJ: Thanks. Nite-nite.

~:O

Geronimo!

2007-12-26T20:10:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I haven't blogged lately. I've been off trying out all my new toys.

You see, I had this really fun party for my second birthday not long ago and I got lots of cool presents. Thanks to everyone who was there. I had fun singing songs, playing crafts and eating pizza with you.

Even people who weren't there sent me gifts. Like my Nana and Papa who sent me this great easel. That's me in the picture letting out my inner child through painting.

Plus there were extra toys for Hanukkah and Christmas. Wow, what a jackpot.

I love all my new toys so much, I want to play with them all the time. So tonight, when Momma and Dadda tried to put me to bed, I wouldn't have it. I wanted out. So I finally did it...I got out of my crib all by myself!!!

I guess it just took the right motivation for me to do it. And a good bit of leverage, with a dash of brazen courage.

How I did it is my little secret. I don't want Momma and Dadda to know how I got out because then they'd try to find a way to keep me in there. So Momma and Dadda can put me in that crib every night. But they will only have to wait a few minutes for that tell-tale "whump." And moments later, I'll be there at the doorway grinning.

Game on.

~:O

Downhill from Here

2007-12-16T19:26:00.000-05:00

What a drag it is getting old...

Me and my friends kicked it pre-school style today in honor of my birthday and I'm a bit hung over from all the sugar. I guess I'm not as young and resilient as I thought.

Stay tuned for more photos and stories from my big birthday bash when I've recovered...and Momma and Dadda, too.

~:O

Double Trouble

2007-12-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

Since my last birthday, I've doubled in age! Talk about getting old...

Join me over at Evan Jake's Second Birthday Special Edition blog:

http://evanjakessecondbirthdayspecialedition.blogspot.com

~:O

DiaperReports: Pampers Diapers

2007-12-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

The kind people at Pampers^® recently contacted diaperlogue asking that I review their Baby Dry™ diapers for this blog. I don't usually offer to review unsolicited materials. But because I have so thoroughly enjoyed Pampers^® brand goods over the years, I agreed. You can now read all of my "DiaperReports" on my new companion blog: DiaperReports.blogspot.com.

PAMPERS^® BABY DRY™ DIAPERS
Fifty years ago, Victor Mills revolutionized the way babies messed themselves when he introduced a new invention: the disposable diaper. Thus the Pampers^® brand was born. Landfills and newborn tushies have never been the same. And the brand has become so ubiquitous, people will often refer to diapers simply as "Pampers" -- much like people call facial tissues "Kleenex," medical bandages "Band-Aids" and babies "Evan Jakes." (Okay, maybe I'm stretching a little bit on that last one.)

Since Pampers^® disposable diapers have been around for so long and have been worn by generations of American babies, it's difficult to find a truly fresh and objective approach to review their products. So I've developed a few tests based on classic scientific experiments to develop my own assessment. For each experiment a single clean size 4 Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diaper was taken directly from the packaging in which it had been stored at room temperature at standard atmospheric pressure and humidity for 72 hours. In each instance a control diaper was excluded and worn by the tester for the duration of the experiment for comparative results.

Superabsorbency
How much liquid can these diapers hold anyway? This experiment was designed to show just how much liquid an intact disposable diaper can contain. A 4-ounce sippy cup was filled to capacity with water and poured directly into the diaper -- essentially removing the middle-baby. Blue food coloring was added to the water for that cool effect they get in the commercials.

Results: The diaper easily absorbed a single sippy cup of water. Good news for us babies. The diaper also easily absorbed a second and third 4-ounce sippy cup. At this point, the diaper lining became noticeably swollen and heavy, but it did not leak. A fourth 4-ounce sippy cup was poured onto the diaper. The diaper absorbed a total of 16-ounces of liquid without any leakage. The diaper, now quite turgid from all the liquid, was disected to reveal the superabsorbent polymers inside. Click here for a photo. The control diaper worn for the duration of the experiment also absorbed the contents of the tester's sippy cup consumed earlier that morning. The volume absorbed was considerably less than four sippy-cups worth. No trip to the baby urologist required.

Accelerated Oxidation
For this test, a single diaper was introduced to an ignition source to determine it's properties of flamability. The tester sought supervision from his Dadda for this experiment, while Momma observed with an annoyed look. The diaper was placed on a sheet of aluminum foil on the backyard family barbeque. A lighted match was placed in the tushy area of the diaper while Dadda stood by with a pitcher of water in case things got out of control.

Results: It took several seconds for the diaper to fully ignite. At first, there was just smoke as the plastic coating melted. The paper and fabric then slowly burned in a dull orange flame. It took several minutes for the entire diaper to catch on fire. Click here for a photo. The burning happened so slowly that Dadda became bored with the experiment and doused the flames to extinguish the smoldering diaper. The control diaper worn by the tester remained dry and clean throughout the test and safely away from the flames. The control diaper, however, was unable to extinguish the burning sensation caused by a case of diaper rash acquired a few days earlier. The sound of the water pouring on the burning diaper did induce the tester to wet myself. The liquid was acceptably contained.

Applied Gravatational Fields
Can a diaper protect a falling bottom and any messy contents therein? For this experiment, a store-bought Grade A chicken egg was wrapped in a diaper and dropped from the second floor of our townhome down to the carpeted basement via an open stairwell.

Results: The egg broke. What, are you surprised? But the yolk, shell and egg whites were all neatly contained without the diaper leaking or rupturing onto the basement carpeting. Click here for a photo.The control diaper worn by the tester did experience a drop of approximately 18 inches during the experiment. This gravitational accelleration was caused by the tester having an oopsie on his bottom when running across the kitchen floor to get an egg out of the refrigerator. As in the case of the subject diaper, the control did not rupture or leak after the fall and actually provided a protective padding to the aforementioned tushy preventing any unnecessary tears.

Dactylographic Assessment
Can a diaper write Shakespeare? Applying classic theories of probability, as redirected from Emile Borel's theorems, this experiment was designed to determine whether or not an infinite number of diapers sitting at an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time could replicate a work by William Shakespeare.

Results: Given that the tester was only supplied with a "Jumbo" pack, containing 34 diapers, testing the infinite theorem proved impractical. However, it was observed that a single disposable diaper, after being placed in front of a computer for 40 minutes, did not demonstrate any keyboarding capabilities. For an additional 40 minutes, the diaper was left in front of the keyboard with a volume of Shakespeare's plays open and in visible sight. No change could be identified. Click here for a photo. It is therefore concluded that a disposable diaper cannot write Shakespeare. The control diaper remained comfortably fitting during the course of this experiment but failed to contain an odor emitting from what Shakespeare might have referred to as a "poopie in thine pants." Which leads me to believe that a Pampers^® by any other name would still smell as stinky.

Quantam Diapers
I call this final experiement "Schroedinger's Diaper." Based on a classic thought experiment used in quantam mechanics to describe the superposition of subatomic particles, this test evaluated whether or not a disposable diaper can exist in multiple states simultaneously. For the experiment, a clean diaper was placed into a sealed box with a precariously balanced sippy cup full of water. Also sealed in the box was a kitty cat. If the kitty cat freaked out, the liquid would spill and soil the diaper. If the kitty cat stayed calm and took a nap, as she does most of the time anyway, the liquid would not spill and the diaper would remain clean. Because there are no external indicators of the two possible outcomes, at the moment before the lid is opened the diaper is both soiled and clean.

Results: The cat was too fast and too wiggly for me to get her in the box. So a stuffed polyester replica of a kitty cat was sealed in the box instead. Click here for a photo. When the lid was opened, the pretend kitty cat had not moved, the water had not spilled and the diaper remained clean. The control diaper worn during the experiment had meanwhile become soiled by the tester. However, the diaper did such a good job of containing any leaks that the tester's Dadda didn't even notice I was badly overdue for a diaper change. When Momma pointed this out, Dadda refused to acknowledge his neglect. Therefore, the diaper was both soiled and clean at the same time, proving the ability for a disposable diaper to exist in two different states simultaneously.

Summary of Findings
Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diapers hold a lot of liquid -- more than any human baby can put out in a reasonable time period. They burn slowly but do not extinguish diaper rash. They are well padded and protect your tushy while preventing rupture. They do such a good job of keeping babies dry, they can be both clean and soiled at the same time. What they can't do is write Shakespeare.

I would say Pampers^® Baby Dry™ diapers are so comfortable and absorbent, that one wonders why potty training is even necessary. I see Dadda always having to get up from in front of the TV or Momma having to stop the car to go to the potty. Meanwhile I can sit for hours and never have to move thanks to my Pampers^®!

Rating
Preferred Choice -- Highly recommended

~:O

Thanking Gives

2007-11-24T16:50:00.000-05:00

This weekend we took a trip to my Bubbe and Zayde's house. While I was sad not to see my Nana and Papa and all of my aunts, uncles and cousins on Momma's side, I got to see a way lot of Dadda's family.

I got to spend time with Bubbe and Zayde and also my great-grandmother, aka Mom-Mom-Mom. I like saying her name, "Mom-Mom-Mom," but sometimes I don't quite know when to stop. I also saw my uncle, who on occasion I still mistake for Dadda because they look so much alike. My aunt was there, too.

But then my great uncle showed up from Boston. And he came with my great aunt who I hadn't met before! Then I got to meet even more new people. Dadda's first cousin and his wife and two little girls. If I've got my geneology correct, that makes those girls my second cousins. It's a bit pejorative, if you ask me. Whatever you call them, we had a great time playing together.

That's me in the picture dancing with my second cousins. We danced around to music and then went oustide to play in the leaves. It was a great time.

I also got to meet my Dadda's other first cousin and her boyfriend. They were super nice. I didn't realize there were still so many people in my family I hadn't met yet. It makes me wonder how many more there are.

Well, I shouldn't forget to mention the big meal that Bubbe cooked for everyone. I think it was delicious. Not that I would know. By the time the turkey came out, I had begged my way out of my high chair and was crawling under the table sneaking smiles to anyone who would take notice between bites.

All in all, It was a great trip. Except for the last 45 minutes.

Driving home, I dozed off in the car. Had I eaten any turkey, I could blame the tryptophyan. Well, I woke up halfway home with this horrible pain in my ear and I just couldn't stop screaming. I know it must have been really hard for Dadda to drive with all my commotion, but it really hurt.

Dadda didn't even bother to drive us home. He just took us all straight to the doctor's clinic. As soon as Momma brought me into the waiting room, the nurses heard me yelling and came right out to treat me. They could tell just from the volume of my shrieking what was wrong with me. It was an ear infection!

The nice doctors gave me some eardrops and then I felt way better. Now I get some tasty medicine once a day to make my ear hurt go away.

So if I have anything to be thankful for, it's for walk-in clinics that stay open late on Thanksgiving night!

~:O

What Is It?

2007-11-19T19:15:00.000-05:00

I found this crazy looking picture today in our house. I can't quite figure out what it is. It looks like something I would draw with my crayons. But I didn't draw this picture.

Is this one of those ink-blot tests? I think I see a horsie.

What do you see?

~:O

Rock Bottom

2007-11-14T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today I turned 23 months. Just 30 days until that next big birthday.

diaperlogue will also be celebrating it's Cotton Anniversary. Over the last two years, most of this blogging has been done by the seat of my pants. But now, in the midst of this crippling writers stike, I think I'm bottoming out. I can't even crack a good one liner these days. I'm the butt of my own jokes. I've tried to turn the other cheek but I'm just getting so bummed. My temper is starting to rear its ugly head.

Hey, do you feel a draft?

~:O

Ow, What the...?!

2007-11-11T18:54:00.000-05:00

Saturday seemed like just another routine weekend morning. I got up and had some breakfast with Momma. We played quietly downstairs while watching cartoons and waited for Prince Dadda to get up. When Dadda finally came downstairs, we all got dressed and went out to the car. We went for a short ride -- I still love short car rides -- and got out at the doctor's office. Wait, the doctor's office?!

I didn't think doctors saw babies on Saturdays. And I wasn't even sick. I was a little skeptical, but I didn't seem to have a choice. When we got into the office, there weren't any doctors around so I thought I might be in the clear. Momma took me into a little room where a nice lady was waiting for me. Momma put me up on the table and gave me a piece of chocolate.

Ooh, chocolate! I love chocolate. I started to unwrap the candy and then wham! That nice lady stuck a needle right in my leg. I guess she wasn't so nice afterall. Man that hurt like a you-know-what. I started to cry, but then I remembered I had chocolate to eat. So I ate it.

Okay, please remember this advice I'm about to give you. The next time someone tries to give you a piece of chocolate, and none of you are wearing Halloween costumes, look out for needles.

~:O

Is It Hot in Here?

2007-11-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

The weather is definitely turning colder. It's gotten chilly outside. And it's a little chilly inside, too. That's me in the picture in my new coat, hat and mittens. It gets dark early now, too. So when Dadda gets home from work, rather than taking me on a walk to the park, we just run around inside and drive Momma crazy!

The weather isn't the only change in the air. Next month, when I turn two, I'll be moving back to my old day care. But for now, I'm enjoying my days where I am, with all my friends. On Monday Momma came to daycare with me for a little bit for a parent-teacher conference.

I thought I was a little young to need a parent-teacher conference. I guess Dadda did, too, because he didn't even show up for it. Dadda figured that I'm amazing and didn't need anyone else to tell him that. He was right.

I got to sit in and listen to my conference because the teacher said that at my age, I can't understand what's going on anyway. Oh really? Well, I got a pretty gist of what was being said, I think.

My teacher told Momma about all the wonderful things I do. That I'm the only one in the class that knows all my colors. I'm a sharer and never take toys away from the other kids (at least not when they're looking). I like to do art and am an amazing drawer. I love music and dance for the class whenever the opportunity presents itself. And that sometimes I go over to the play kitchen and cook for the dolls. Momma look surprised by this one since I so rarely observe cooking at home.

Basically, I'm an all-around amazing little boy that everyone adores. I don't know what else they expected. I'm Evan Jake!

~:O

Monkey See, Monkey Don't

2007-10-31T20:23:00.000-04:00

Tonight for Halloween, Momma and Dadda dresed me up in my costume. That's me in the picture in my monkey costume. A couple weeks ago, Momma took me to the store and let me pick it out myself. Yes, I liked the way it looked in the store, but when it came time to put it on, I was a little resistant. I finally gave in and let them dress me up, but no way I was letting them put that monkey hood on my head.

Dadda took me outside to go trick-or-treating. I didn't really understand this. Apparently I was supposed to walk around the neighborhood in the dark, wearing a bulky costume and ask for candy. And by visiting each house, I would get one measly piece of candy. That seemed like a lot of work just to get one of those snack-sized candies. Why should I put in that much effort when I already had a heaping pile of candy in a bowl at our house? So instead of walking around, I sat on the front stoop and sorted through all that glorious candy that Momma and Dadda brought home from the store. (They didn't have to walk door-to-door to get it, why should I?)

Then suddenly, at precisely 6:30pm all these mini-vans showed up on our street. The doors opened and piles of kids in costumes poured out. It was pandemonium up and down the entire block. The kids would come up to me and ask for some of my candy. I obliged and I would put a single snack-sized piece of candy in their bag. I quickly realized that this made me a very popular baby -- even more popular that I already am.

I had lots of fun handing out candy. But I got so carried away, I didn't even realize I had given away all of my favorite Hershey bars. I was a little sad. Maybe I should have saved the Hershey bars and given away the Almond Joys instead. One thing I learned tonight is that no one likes Almond Joys. You can't give them away, literally.

Then, at 7:15pm, the street emptied and everyone was gone. There was nothing but empty candy wrappers left behind and the faint odor of Tootsie Roll pops. Maybe next year I'll give the trick-or-treating a shot. And I'll be sure to hang on to those Hershey bars.

~:O

Diapereports: Toddler Tunes

2007-10-28T19:24:00.000-04:00

That's me in the picture drawing on the front steps of our house. I like drawing and coloring and many of my admirers fancy me quite the artist. But I believe I am also blossoming as a music afficianado as well.

Dadda has always played lots of classical music for me. I like to listen to music on the little radio in my room, in the car and at home while I play. And when there isn't music playing, I love to sing and dance all on my own. Yes, I love my fair share of Mozart, Brahms and Bach. I especially love Khachaturian's Sabre Dance from his ballet Gayane. But I'm not a total music snob (like Dadda). There are lots of pop bands out there working hard get the attention of us toddlers for more than 20 seconds at a time. And some of them are actually pretty good. Here are my thoughts on a few of them:

The Laurie Berkner Band
Laurie Berkner is the reigning queen of the alternative toddler rock scene. Her biggest success came with the smash hit "Victor Vito" that served to catapult her squarely into the mainstream. Laurie sings and plays guitar, although she often writes songs just above what seems to be a comfortable register for her otherwise rich, silken voice. She is backed up by keyboards (Susie Lampert) and bass (Berkner's husband Brian Mueller). I love her self-titled DVD that contains "Victor Vito," along with updated versions of "We are the Dinosaurs," "I'm Gonna Catch You" and "Pig on Her Head." Berkner's songs are firmly rooted in the American summer camp tradition. Her playful lyrics are set to persistently cheerful melodies that rise and fall, start and stop, with joyful surprise. The result is a truly original and sanguine sound world that can be enjoyed by the whole family.

I have watched Berkner's colorfully choreographed DVD on a regular basis for several months now. And the free bonus CD has been in regular circulation in the car as well. My enjoyment of these albums is surely testing the durability of the media they are imprinted upon. Meanwhile, I can tell Momma and Dadda enjoy Berkner's songs as well. Even though they groan quietly each time I request "Catch You" or "Dinosaurs" I often hear them singing along. Or worse, I catch them singing a few refrains to themselves when the music isn't playing and they think I'm not listening.

Ralph's World
In searching for an alternative to the songs of Laurie Berkner, Momma got me a DVD containing the music of Ralph (aka Ralph Covert). Ralph's World is the children's album Garth Algar never recorded. Covert, a slightly nerdy Stratocaster-playing minstral, wreaks of a thirty-something rocker whose dreams of landing it big in the world of grown-up rock never panned out. Somehow, Covert happened upon his own unique style of toddler rock that has me totally hooked.

His DVD, made up of two-minute musical vignettes, only runs about 15 minutes, but it's just the fix I need after a diaper change. He's able to capture diverse musical stylings -- whether it's channelling Bob Bogle in "Surfin' in My Imagination" or borrowing from Ringo Starr in "At the Bottom of the Sea" -- while his lyrics speak directly to the pre-school emotional experience. And Covert's edgy, grooving riffs are truly infectious. Like Berkner's video, Ralph's World equally demands that you get up off the floor and dance. And it's even more fun dragging Momma and Dadda from the couch to make them dance, too!

The Wiggles
Based in Australia, the Wiggles are a quartet of "entertainers" in colored shirts that have caused an international sensation. I don't quite get it. Momma got me one of their early videos on DVD with the hope of finding a way to break the spiraling Laurie Bernker/Ralph's World cycle. Unfortunately, what these guys lack in talent, they also lack in personality, charisma and intelligence. In this particular DVD, the Wiggles -- Greg, Murray, Jeff and Anthony -- look eerily detached with a glassy has-my-career-really-come-down-to-this? look in their eyes. The Wiggles appear to enjoy performing the songs as much as grown-ups enjoy listening to them. The surprise appearances from supporting characters such as Officer Beaples and Captain Feathersword are similarly disheartening, if not downright creepy.

The music is utterly basic. The production values are on par with community television. And the subject matter is often completely moronic. But if you let yourself get swept away, the experience can be quite a lot of fun. Flapping, jumping and swinging along to the motions of each song provides a decent outlet for the extra energy us toddlers often have. But I know how much Momma and Dadda hate these guys, so I really just get a rise out of making them put in the DVD and dance along with me. Hey, a toddler's gotta have some fun, right?

~:O

Just Another Fall Weekend

2007-10-21T19:03:00.000-04:00

This weekend wasn't terribly exciting in any one way. I mostly got to enjoy the beautiful weather with Momma and Dadda. Yesterday, Dadda and I spent a lot of time at the park across the street. I saw one of my old friends from my former daycare. He didn't seem to recognize me. And I wasn't so sure if I remembered him either. We stared at each other for a while, hoping our past friendship might rekindle itself. It didn't. Then I went home.

Today we went to the airport park again to see the airplanes land. I love watching the airplanes land. Although today we didn't get to see any. I wonder what happened to all the planes! It was a nice day, so I enjoyed running around the park anyway. Then we all went to a big mall to meet up with my baby friend, Sara Flynn. We ate lunch together. She spilled lots of water all over her mom and I ran around in crazy circles most of the time. It was a fun afternoon for all the grown-ups, for sure.

Sara Flynn had borrowed some of my old clothes and toys. So her mom and dad returned some of them today. It was cool seeing my old stuff again. Especially my "Bumbo" chair. I hadn't seen that thing in a lifetime. My Momma and Dadda got it for me when I was a few months old. I didn't really like it then. But when I saw it sitting on the dining room floor tonight, I couldn't help but try it out. I remembered pretty quickly why I hated that thing.

Back then I was too little to climb out of the "Bumbo." Now I'm too big to climb out. After sitting down, I quickly realized that my tushy was stuck. Dadda needed to provide Evan Jake an assist. But not before he got off a picture!

~:O

Sixty Days Notice

2007-10-14T20:26:00.000-04:00

Today, I turned 22 months old. In just eight more weeks, I'll be celebrating the big T-W-O. Once I turn two, I don't think any of us will have to bother counting how many "months old" I am anymore. I can just be "two years old" and be done with it.

To celebrate today, Momma and Dadda took me to a pumpkin patch with hayrides, slides and farm animals. It was a lot of fun. The hayride was kind of bumpy and smelled like tractor fumes. But there were tiny tractors I got to push around and that was good enough for me.

There was also a big tall slide on a hill. They gave you a burlap sack to put under your tushy so you could slide down really fast. Dadda took me down the slide on his lap. Momma said I was grinning ear-to-ear the whole way down. So I convinced Dadda to lug me up the hill for a second trip. It was pretty much the greatest thing ever.

I also got a visit from my Bubbe and Zayde yesterday. Bubbe came down for a big knitting convention that was in town. Zayde chose to stay here at our house and hang out with me. I personally would have loved to go. I bet that knitting convention is a great place to meet ladies. I would have been the hit of they party.

Instead, I spent most of the day hanging out with Zayde. I think he's the greatest and we always have lots of fun together. Zayde also got to make a fun trip to the dump with Dadda. I think they had fun together at the dump. I love going to the dump, too. It must be in the genes.

~:O

Six Months Out of Every Year

2007-10-07T19:44:00.000-04:00

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning this weekend, Dadda's favorite baseball team got eliminated from the playoffs. I know Dadda was really excited to see the Philadelphia Phillies make the post-season for the first time in fourteen years, so I didn't mind so much that he was neglecting me this last couple weeks. It made the last six months of neglect during the baseball season seem almost worth it.

But now that the Phillies are no longer playing in the playoffs -- and by my rudimentary calculations, won't be expected to play in the post-season again until I'm old enough to tell Dadda what a terrible father he's been and then get in the car and drive away legally -- Dadda now can focus on all those things he's ignored since April.

That's me in the picture in my "big boy room," sitting on my "big boy bed." Momma has been working hard to get my "big boy room" ready since the day we moved in back in June. She painted. Made pretty curtains. Got me this cool quilt with lots of animals on it. And has been coming up with all kinds of neat ideas for my Safari Room!

I don't know if I'm quite ready to leave the cozy confines of my crib just yet. This "big boy bed" thing looks a little scary, even though it's pretty close to the ground. I guess Momma wanted to have my "big boy bed" ready in case I had found a way to climb out of the crib on my own. (I'm still working on getting the right kind of leverage to vault myself out.)

That's me in the second picture playing in this cool igloo tent Momma got for me. I like to hide in there. I got Dadda to climb in with me this morning. He said that's the closest he'd ever come to taking me camping. In Dadda's book, camping is going to a hotel that doesn't have turndown service and a phone in the john.

The rest of my "big boy room" is still pretty barren. It's mainly just a napping room for the kitty cats at the moment. But maybe now Dadda will get off his tushy and put a little more work into finishing it off. Then he'll have to get to work on doing something with my old room. I assume they'll be hanging little velvet ropes in front of the door and leaving it to be appreciated by posterity, right?

~:O

n.b. Special thanks to my friends Marnie and Christine for lending a helping hand to my Safari Room! So far, they've done more work on the place than Dadda.

Good Luck Charm

2007-09-30T20:37:00.000-04:00

Today I helped Dadda root for the Phillies, even though the first six innings coincided with my nap time. Dadda sure wasn't taking a nap during the game. He was in front of the TV all afternoon sweating and angonizing over every single pitch. The Phillies hadn't been to the playoffs for a really, really, really long time. So he seemed particularly nervous even though we don't live in Philadelphia. What's that all about?

The Phillies ended up winning the game and are the NL East Champions. Dadda was euphoric. I don't think I'd seen him that happy since the day I was born. (In fact, I'm not so sure he was as giddy that day as he was after the final out of this game.)

Dadda got lots of calls of congratulations from friends and family. Again, I don't think Dadda had this many phone calls since the day I was born. And like the day I was born, Dadda really just spent the entire day sitting back and watching. So why are people congratulating him? He didn't do anything!

Now that the Phils are in the post-season, it means at least another week or so of Dadda neglecting me and mom -- yelling at the TV instead of playing with me.

That's me in the picture with Dadda. He had his old-school Mike Schmidt t-shirt on, while I had on my Ryan Howard gear. Dadda explained that Schmidt and Howard represent the last two MVPs for the Phils. Hey, I know what you're thinking. Now that Jimmy Rollins looks like a good bet for this year's MVP, we may need another person to wear the third t-shirt. Don't get any funny ideas.

~:O

Your Call May be Monitored or Recorded

2007-09-23T21:13:00.000-04:00

We've been having some trouble with our cable and internet service lately. Quite frankly, it's been a nightmare. Our service is provided by one of the big national cable corporations based in Philadelphia that shall remain nameless for fear that they will disconnect our service again just for spite.

Ever since we moved, this cable company hasn't really been able to figure out how to provide reliable service to our new address or schedule repairs on a timely basis. As a result, Dadda has spent countless hours on the phone with them -- hours he could have spent playing with me, Evan Jake. Watching him spiral through a customer service loop to nowhere, it's been funny to watch Dadda's reaction sometimes. He'll start off the call being all nice and fuzzy, but after a few minutes on the phone, he'll be a hopping mad lunatic.

This morning, I thought I would show Dadda just what he looks like when he's on the phone with the cable company. I wanted to be sure he got it on tape so I could show everyone.

So here it is, Evan Jake's impression of Dadda on the phone with the cable company:

~:O

Tekiah!

2007-09-22T21:09:00.000-04:00

Happy New Year from Evan Jake to all of my Jewish friends out there!

~:O

Silence of the Evan Jake

2007-09-10T22:56:00.000-04:00

[Insert caption here.]

~:O

EDITOR'S NOTE: Evan Jake placed this tape across his mouth voluntarily. He was only forced to keep it on long enough for the photo. The tape is the non-stick masking tape intended for painting edges on walls. You, know that kind that falls off the second you take your hand away.

RIP Sippy Cup

2007-09-04T21:35:00.000-04:00

The Labor Day weekend gave us some extra time to take a road trip to see my Nana and Papa in Virginia. Also at the house visiting were my Aunt and Uncle and three of my cousins!

There was a new cousin there that I hadn't met before. It's because he was just born. His name is Jacob (just like my middle name). He's cute and all -- that's a picture of him -- but I can't ever remember being that small. Good luck, Jacob, you've got a long road ahead of you, kid.

Meanwhile, I had a great time hanging out with my other two cousins, Hannah and Maddi. We had so much fun running around Nana and Papa's beautiful house. The first day there, we were so busy, I didn't even get to take my nap. But I didin't mind because I got to play an impromptu recital for six-hand piano. That's me in the second picture playing the piano with Hannah and Maddi.

Later that same day Hannah and I got to go back to that amazing zoo where I got to see giraffes and lots and lots of monkeys! It was really hot at the zoo. So Momma stopped to give me a drink from my sippy cup. This is where the greatest tragedy occured. In taking a drink next to the monkey park, I leaned up against the fence to enjoy my sippy cup. Then next thing I knew...splash! Sippy was in the water. I hope the monkeys enjoy sippy. Can monkeys even drink from a sippy cup?

Hannah and I had a great time at the zoo despite the sippy tragedy. Hannah, who is definitely my new best friend, felt the need to tell everyone about sippy falling in the water over and over. Okay, don't rub it in!

Then on Sunday, there was a big picnic with a lot of friends and family. I got to eat corn. I love corn.

At the end of the visit, I was so tired from all the excitement I fell right to sleep in the car. And I slept the entire way home! But I had a great time and can't wait to go back again soon! Next time I'll bring a back-up sippy cup.

~:O

Who's That Baby?

2007-08-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

What a difference a year makes. Dadda was flipping through some old pictures of me from last August and compared it to this one he took of me just a couple of days ago. If there's such a thing as a cuteness curve, I think I'm definitely keeping up.

~:O

Summer Fun

2007-08-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

Both Momma and Dadda were on vacation for the last couple weeks. This past week, we've just been hanging out at home which has been a nice change of pace from all the driving we did the week before. But we haven't been sitting idle. No, there will be no relaxing, lounging or general slothiness in Evan Jake's presence. So to keep me occupied, Momma and Dadda have come up with plenty of activities.

I've recently acquired a mild obsession with airplanes. When I'm outside, I'm always looking up to see if there are any airplanes in sight. If I hear a sound that remotely resembles the roar of an airplane (be it a lawnmower, car or dishwasher) I will point skywards and proclaim "Airplane!" just in case one is on the approach.

To slake my newfound passion for aeronautics, Dadda decided he would take me someplace special. The airport! At BWI -- I mean Thurgood Marshall -- Airport, there is a big park at the end of the runway. So Dadda took me there to watch airplanes as they buzzed overhead. At first, I was a bit startled by the noise they made, and how low they flew to the ground. But after a couple flybys, I was in my own Federally restricted paradise. I watched as plane after plane raced by, each time announcing, "Airplane!" What fun.

Speaking of big machines, my Dadda also took me to a construction site to see all the big trucks at work. Down the street they are building a big dirt pile next to some expensive houses. I don't know why anyone would pay that much for a house with a pile of dirt in the backyard. I much prefer our deck and barbeque grill to a pile of dirt. Anyway, I got to watch all the dump trucks, cranes and diggers that I only get to see in my books. This time I got to see them in action. That was pretty cool, too.

And speaking of construction, I also got to hang around as Dadda took on a lot of home improvement projects around the new house-with-stairs. Dadda was putting in some new floors, fixing faucets, building closets and hanging shelves. I tried to help as much as I could, but mostly had to observe. As I watched Dadda try to build things, I got to learn some fun curse words. Watch those thumbs. And he better watch his mouth!

Anyway, Dadda has to go back to work soon, so I won't get to hang out and curse with him quite as much. I'm bummed, but I suspect he's somewhat relieved not to have to keep pace with me on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, I've loved having so much time with Momma at home, too. She takes really good care of me, showing me puzzles, teaching me new words, playing LEGOs, reading me books and giving me ice cream cones! I wish I could spend more time with Momma. But she's going back to work now, too. She's going to be working part-time with some other children while I go to daycare for a few hours a day. I think it's good for Momma and me to see other people. Just not too many other people.

So this week it's back to the grind. And no more slacking on the blog!

~:O

Road Weary

2007-08-18T20:22:00.000-04:00

I just finished up a week on the road with Momma and Dadda. It was both a delayed northeast promotional tour for my book, diaperlogue: the first year, as well as a chance to meet a whole bunch of new people, see family and show off my shiner.

Our first stop was in Hartford, Connecticut. I got to meet my Bubbe's first cousin (or my first cousin twice removed for those keeping score at home) and her husband. They have a beautiful new home without stairs. It made me a bit nostalgic for our old home-without-stairs. They cooked brunch for us. Since I don't usually eat much for breakfast and get fussy for lunch, I thought I would skip brunch and just watch cartoons. But Momma and Dadda seemed to enjoy their tasty eggs and bagels.

Then, from Hartford, we went up to Vermont. Dadda took me to meet some people at a music festival there. He went to a concert that night, while Momma stayed with me at the hotel and tried to get me to sleep. That wasn't fun for either of us.

Eventually, I got to sleep and the next day we got up and went shopping in some art galleries and antique shops. What were they thinking?! Somehow, Momma managed to keep my hands away from anything breakable.

Next we headed to Boston, Massachusets. There I got to meet my great-uncle "Meeguh" and we stayed at his house. I was bummed I didn't get to meet my great-aunt because she was also on the road, away from home. I really liked "Meeguh." And his house was a lot of fun. There was lots of stuff to grab and small places to crawl into. I also got to look for worms in the mulch pile. (There weren't any). That's me in the first picture looking for acorns in the back yard.

That same day went to my aunt and uncle's house and I got to play with all my cousins. I had an amazing time running around with all of my cousins and playing with all their toys. They know how to party. That's me in the far right of the second picture hanging out with all the cousins. Can you believe we all sat still long enough for a photo op?

After leaving Boston, we headed to the mountains in Pennsylvania. There I got to spend lots of time with my Bubbe and Zaide. It was a big beautiful house next to a lake. I got to go swimming, play at the park, go on walks and exhaust everyone around me. There were four adults in the house and just one baby, but they just didn't seem to be able to keep up with me. When I wasn't running around on the deck, throwing stones into the lake or circling the living room, I was able to catch up on a bit of e-mail. That's me in the picture updating my blog -- in case you didn't actually believe I blog myself.

So now I'm back home, watching Momma and Dadda catch up on a bit of housekeeping and do some work around the new house. It was a good trip, but I know we're all happy to be home.

~:O

20 Months

2007-08-14T18:57:00.000-04:00

Today I crossed out of the teens and into the roaring twenties. At twenty months, life gets more interesting and more full every day. Right now, I have so much energy in my body, I almost don't know what to do with it! And it seems to exhaust everyone around me.

As you see from this photo, my shiner is gradually fading. Soon, it will be a distant memory, making room for a new injury or scar.

Thanks to my Uncle "Meeguh" for taking this great picture and finding just the right lighting to de-emphasize the black eye. More on my visit to "Uncle Meekuh's" and all my other summer adventures very soon. Stay tuned!

~:O

The Shiner

2007-08-09T19:13:00.000-04:00

When I woke up this morning, my face felt unusually puffy. As I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice the numerous colors under my eye where I had fallen yesterday. Momma said it's called a "black eye." But really, it's more like a "red-blue-purple-yellow eye." Now when people see me, they have to make comments like:

- "Aww, that poor little face!"
- "What did your parents do to you?!"
- "Nice shiner, kid."
- "Hey, Evan Jake, chicks dig scars."
- "Man, I'd hate to see the other guy."

Hopefully it will clear up soon. Besides, it doesn't really look that bad, right? You'd tell me if it looked really awful, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's what I thought.

~:O

Pavement 1, Evan Jake 0

2007-08-08T15:37:00.000-04:00

When Dadda says not to run on the pavement, I guess I should listen.

Tonight, Dadda took me to the park. I was so excited when I got out of the car, that I immediately started running toward the jungle gym. Somewhere after the first couple steps I seemed to lose my footing. Luckily, my face managed to break my fall.

I admit it. I cried a little. I screamed a little. Dad put me right back in the car and took me home to Momma.

Momma heard all about how I tripped on pavement and hit my face. At least that was Dadda's story. And he's sticking to it.

~:O

My Dad: The "Hero"

2007-08-04T20:42:00.000-04:00

It was so hot today, Momma and Dadda hardly let me go outside at all. I had to spend the entire morning and afternoon cooped up inside watching Momma and Dadda work on the new house with stairs. Dadda spent a lot of the day working with tools. I tried to help, but he kept taking the tools away from me.

Finally, after dinner, I got so cranky from being inside that Dadda finally gave in to my fussing. It had cooled down a bit, so Dadda decided to put my shoes on and take me for a short walk around the neighborhood.

When we walked out the front door, we started walking down the street. But there was this strange smell in the air, like someone was having a big barbeque (I love barbeque). I pulled on Dadda's arm and insisted he turn around to check it out. I dragged him with all my might so that he would take me down to the end of the street to see what was happening. When we got there, to my great disappointment, there was no barbeque. But there was a whole lot of smoke. The smoke was coming from one of the trees. The tree was on fire! All around the base of the tree were red-hot pieces of dirt and lots of smoke. It looked pretty cool and smelled nice too.

I tried to stamp out the fire myself with my little sandals, but Dadda wouldn't let me. He quickly swept me up and took me inside. Normally I would have expected Dadda to call the fire department at this time. But he didn't. Instead, he grabbed one of my water pails, filled it up and carried it outside to the tree.

When we got back to the tree, it was really smoking a lot. I got to watch as Dadda poured the water all over the dirt. It made a loud hissing sound and then all the smoke stopped.

Dadda went back inside and called the fire department because he wanted to show them what he'd done. He was quite proud of himself, I think.

A few minutes later, a big red truck came down the street. And there were four big guys in fancy uniforms that all hopped out. Dadda happily showed them the tree that had been burning. (They probably thought he was the one that set it on fire in the first place just so I could get to see a fire truck.)

With all the hot weather and all the trees being so dry, the firemen said that Dadda was a hero for putting out the fire the way he did. In another few minutes the whole neighborhood could have gone up in smoke! Or at least a few banches and a bird's nest.

But, Dadda wasn't really the hero. It was Evan Jake! If I hadn't insisted Dadda walk to the end of the street, he may never have noticed what was happening. And if not for my water pail, Dadda never could have put out the fire. I should be the one getting a medal and a parade down Main Street.

While Dadda was still talking to the firemen (they thought the fire was caused by a burning cigarette) Momma showed me some of the buttons and lights on the fire truck. It was really cool looking. Notice that I'm not including a picture of me riding on the fire truck in this post. That's because Dadda didn't have the guts to ask the firemen if he could take me onto the truck for a photo op.

Maybe if Dadda had told him that I was really the hero of the day, they would have taken me on the truck and made me an honorary member of the department!

~:O

I Want Corn

2007-08-01T18:56:00.000-04:00

**Insert dirty diaper joke here.**

~:O

Shameless Plug

2007-07-31T13:09:00.000-04:00

I wish my Momma and Dadda would create such slick and beautiful cards for my special occasions. Maybe they'll order some for my 20-month birthday from WeeLittleDesigns.com!

~:O

Where's Evan Jake?

2007-07-25T18:07:00.000-04:00

You may be wondering where I've been lately and what I've been doing (other than running in circles around the empty living room).

That's me in the picture hanging out on the back deck with mom and dad, enjoying some good eats off the grill and spotting birds in the woods behind our new house. I like spending time out there watering the flowers and playing in my swing. So if you need me, you know where to find me.

~:O

This Beats Puree

2007-07-15T18:18:00.000-04:00

Momma and Dadda have been letting me try lots of new foods lately. But not just cauliflower and spinach. I've been given tastes of the good stuff, too.

That's me in the first picture eating a popsicle. It doesn't seem like much more than frozen sugar water, but I love it! I don't particularly like how it makes my face and hands all sticky. But I'll just wipe them on my shirt, or on Dadda's shirt if he's nearby, or on one of the kitty cats. It's a slightly unrewarding eating experience until the end. The best part is getting the stick to play with when I'm finished, or it's all melted -- whichever comes first.

Momma and Dadda also went out and bought a new grill for our new deck at our new house with stairs. We've been grilling out a lot now and Iove the burgers and chicken and steaks from the grill. But one night last week, we gave the grill a rest and ordered in some cheesesteaks from this little dive down the street.

That's me in the second picture devouring my very own cheesesteak. Okay, it was actually Dadda's cheesesteak. But as soon as I had one bite, I think he realized he wasn't getting it back from me without a fight. Maybe it's the Philly blood running through my genes, but I just couldn't get enough of that greasy goodness. Mmmmm...Philly cheesesteak!

~:O

No Dumping

2007-07-08T16:06:00.000-04:00

Well, after an entire month of packing, cleaning, moving, unpacking, cleaning again, scrubbing, redecorating and sorting, we're almost nearly halfway sort of moved in to our new house with stairs. All the big boxes are gone from the living room. (Actually, there are two small boxes still left, but let's just pretend they're some sort of post-modern end tables.) All the furniture is in place, pictures are hung on the walls, the CD collection is alphabetized and the books are on their shelves -- until I pull them all down onto the floor and start ripping out pages.

The last big event in the moving process occurred yesterday afternoon. This entailed loading up the "biggie" van and heading over to a really cool place called the "Resource Recovery Facility." Dadda said that's just a fancy name for the county "dump." It's like calling my dirty diapers "Organic Replenishment Receptacles." Around here, we call them ORRs for short.

You see, after carefully packing all that stuff at the old place, and then employing big strong guys to move it to the news place, Momma and Dadda decided there were a whole bunch of things they really didn't need any more. Among those items was a broken VCR that I had wedged some toys inside of, a cracked coffee table, and lots of empty cardboard boxes.

So Momma and Dadda loaded it all up in the van and drove us off to the dump. We stopped at all these different dumpsters for every different kind of trash. The bins were each marked separately: "CARDBOARD/PAPER;" "GLASS BOTTLES" (luckily, I use plastic bottles); "COMPUTERS;" "YARD WASTE"; and then a mysterious area called "THROW METAL OVER WALL." To my chagrin, I did not see a bin marked "ORRs ONLY."

After dropping off all of our "resources," we headed back home to our clean and somewhat empty house. You see, this new house is bigger than our old house without stairs. So our living room doesn't have any furniture in it. I love it, because it gives me lots of room to run around. I hope Momma and Dadda aren't planning to put any big sofas or chairs in my way. Because I have a total blast running in circles! This is me in the video running around my big empty play room. Enjoy!

~:O

Vera, Chuck and Evan Jake

2007-07-07T13:15:00.000-04:00

Happy birthday, Zayde!

We still need you.
We will still feed you.
(Or at least find you a home where they do that for us.)

~:O

Stairway to Evan

2007-06-26T20:35:00.000-04:00

At long last, I'm back!

I know many of you have been wondering what's happened to me. Maybe I got lost in the move. Maybe I got trapped under a box. Or maybe the Internet didn't get hooked up right. Well, in fact, it's just been a really busy couple of weeks.

First, there was the big move. Then Dada had to leave town for a few days (maybe it was for business, or maybe it was because he got sick of all the boxes). I got a visit from Nana and Papa. I also started going to my new half-day summer camp. And Mama started her new part-time job. Mama's new part-time job means we get a lot more time together, and that's good news for Evan Jake. It's been a lot of new adjustments, but I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Meanwhile, Mama and Dada are slowly unpacking all the boxes. And the ones they don't unpack fast enough, I try to help.

I really like the new place. Of course there are the stairs. So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to just bask in the glory of the stairs for a moment. That's me in the first picture walking down my new stairs.

From the bottom floor, all the way to the top, just outside my new room, there are 30 steps in all. And in between, there no less than three separate gates. I guess Mama and Dada don't want me on the stairs alone just yet, so they try to lock me out. It's a nice effort. But it's not going to work for long. Trust me. And all those Evan-Jake-proof cabinet locks Mama just put on? Dada can't seem to work them too well and says a naughty word every time he tried to open one. I should have those figured out before he does. Mark my words.

In addition to the stairs, I also have a great new play area. That's me in the second picture in the family room playing with my toys. That little table is just my size and I love it. Apparently it's a family heirloom. My Bubbe had that table when she was my size and so did my Dada. So I will do my best not to destroy it. (Notice the "heirloom" 1970s vintage SIMON on the table as well. I like the flashing lights.)

Mama and Dada are also running around and getting lots of new things for the house. Mama bought some new appliances. When my Papa was here, he installed a brand new kitchen sink. It's so big and beautiful, I almost wish I could go back to the days when I took my baths in the sink. Also dada got himself some kicking new speakers for the family room. (You should hear my Baby Einstein videos on these. They sound so sweet.)

So the house is slowly taking shape. Hopefully soon you all can come over and help finish unpacking!

~:O

18 Months

2007-06-14T18:33:00.000-04:00

Maybe in another 18 months all these boxes will get unpacked.

~:O

Moving In

2007-06-11T19:17:00.000-04:00

Thanks for visiting my Diaperlogue! I promise to post again shortly. I'm very, very busy helping mom and dad move into our new house with stairs!

~:O

Thanks Andy!

2007-06-07T19:13:00.000-04:00

You may remember not long ago when my precious DVD player burned out. Dad went out and bought the cheapest replacement he could find. And just a few short weeks later, that DVD player broke, too!

So dad went rummaging through the piles of boxes and found the receipt. (Dad had conveniently saved the box for the DVD player figuring it would be handy for the move.) I went with mom and dad to the large-chain discount electronics store where dad bought the cheapie DVD player to return it. They gladly accepted the return DVD player and gave dad a credit to buy a new one.

Not only did dad go back and buy the same exact cheapie DVD player, he bought an open-box item at an even greater discount. I guess dad is already feeling house poor and we haven't even moved yet!

It wasn't until we got home that dad realized he had left my favorite DVD in the player he had just returned! For those of you who know how much I love my Baby MacDonald: A Day on the Farm video, you can understand how upsetting such a revelation would be.

So dad got on the phone to the store and asked if they could locate my precious DVD. A nice man named Andy who works in the warehouse worked tirelessly for hours to find my disc. And he did! We got a phone call that the DVD had been found and is now waiting for us a the store. So now when we move into our new house, at least one comfort item will come along with me. That is, if the new cheapie DVD player doesn't give out first!

Thanks, Andy!

~:O

Moving On Up

2007-06-04T18:04:00.000-04:00

Moving day is coming. Saturday a big truck is coming to take all of our stuff to the new house. It's sure to be total chaos. And it won't be all my fault.

Mom and dad have been packing for weeks now. The pile of boxes has gotten taller and taller. And there's still much left to do. That's me in the picture taking things into my own hands. I plan to stow away on the moving truck to make sure I don't get left behind. Hey, this suitcase is big enough for me and some of my toys, plus one of them kitties. Throw 'em in!

The whole moving thing is going to be a really big change. It may not sink in until I'm actually there in the new house. I just hope that when we move in the electricity is on, the phone service is working and most importantly the internet is connected so that I can blog. Evan Jake needs high-speed!

~:O

Officially a Toddler

2007-05-31T19:17:00.000-04:00

If the walking and talking and grabbing things and throwing little trantrums wasn't enough of a clue, today I was officially designated a toddler. At daycare, I was finally moved out of the last baby room and in with all the other toddlers.

I don't really care for the nomenclature: "Toddler." It seems an unfitting and unflattering sobriquet. Perhaps my walking isn't always the most graceful, but heck, I've only been at this since November. So cut me some slack, okay?

The other big news is that the pool is open again. I love the pool. That's me in the picture in the pool with mom. (Settle down, ladies. Settle down.) Dad wouldn't come in with us. Something about not wanting to swim in luke warm water with babies that aren't potty trained. Wuss.

I had a great time at the pool. I had so much fun that I insisted on staying in the water until they kicked us out and said it was time to go home. I still kicked up quite a fuss and cried almost all the way home. Partly I was sad to leave the pool. And partly I was sitting in a soaking-wet diaper. I hope my antics don't discourage mom and dad from taking me again real soon. If they don't take me, I'll just throw a fit anyway, for good measure.

~:O

Man, I'm Cute

2007-05-29T21:20:00.001-04:00

Thanks to my Bubbe for taking such wonderful pictures of me this weekend. This is just a small sampling of my many adorable photographs. Well, with a punim like this, even Stevie Wonder could take great pictures of me!

~:O

Welcome Sara Flynn

2007-05-21T18:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we all went to a special ceremony to give Sara Flynn her name. I guess before then, she was just referred to as "baby." Sara Flynn is a beautiful new baby who belongs to some good friends of ours that I've known my whole life. Sara Flynn's parents look way calmer and more prepared than my parents did when I came home. But that's not saying much.

Sara Flynn has a really cute room that's all decorated and everything. I wish I had a room decorated like that. (I wonder what my room in the new house will be like...hint, hint.)

Sara Flynn is so tiny! I've never seen a baby that small before. Well, except for myself. It seems like forever ago when I was that small.

Mom especially liked Sara Flynn. Mom got to hold Sara Flynn for just about one minute. This is where I feel I must be a bit contrite. When I saw mom holding that little baby, I may have acted somewhat inappropriately, and for that I apologize. Seeing mom cradling such a cute little baby brought out a bit of a jealous spirit. To be honest, I totally freaked out, and that was wrong. The writhing and screaming on the floor might have been a tad hystrionic. I see that now.

Welcome to our world, Sara Flynn. I warn you, the next few weeks are pretty rough. But trust me, it's all worth it. Soon you'll have the run of the place and will be able to get whatever you want, whenever you want. Just stay away from my mom. My dad, you can have.

~:O

Evan Jake in a Box

2007-05-17T20:12:00.000-04:00

We're scheduled to move in about three weeks. So mom and dad are collecting boxes. Everything we own is getting tossed into boxes -- including me!

That's me in the picture testing out the boxes to make sure they are strong enough to hold my toys. I will not tolerate any breakage of my toys in the course of this move. If I had my way, I'd have my precious toys all wrapped individualy in that bubble stuff, placed in sturdy boxes and taken carefully one at time over to the new house. Forget writing "FRAGILE" all over those boxes of porcelain china and crystal!

I just hope that after mom and dad pack everything up, that they'll be able to find stuff I need again. Like my stacking cups.

It might be a while before they get all these boxes emptied at the new house. From the looks of it, it appears that some of these boxes haven't been opened since like way before I was born.

Well, let the countdown begin until we get into that new house with stairs! Meanwhile, if you wish to contribute to our box and bubble collection, you know where to find us. All packing materials will need to withstand the rigors of Evan Jake's quality inspections.

~:O

E·van·Jake

2007-05-14T11:03:00.000-04:00

Yes, today I celebrate my seventeenth month. It's a prime number and devoid any real excitement except for the fact that it's the month that preceeds the big 18-month celebration.

Over the next 31 days, I hope to expand my vocabulary just a little bit more. I'm already quite conversant -- although when you first meet me, you'd not be so convinced. I can be a little hard to understand sometimes. Often it's because I'm trying to talk with food or my fingers in my mouth. Also, the words I say are sometimes out of context, so they can sound a bit random. So I thought I would provide you with this handy lexicon to understand "Evan Jake."

ap·puh n. apple, orange, other round fruit
bye·bye intj. bye or farewell
bah n. bottle
bah·kih n., v., adj., adv. applies to almost anything, wild card
buh·buh n. bubbles
da·da n. dad or mom (interchangeable)
eh·eh intj. "Excuse me."
gra·guh n. cracker, cereal, any food that is crunchy
iyh intj. hi or greetings
kah n. car
kee n. key
kih·kee n. cat, kitty, kitty-cat
uh·oh intj. "Look what dad did."
up v. to pick me up, put me down or otherwise change my elevation
wee intj. awesome

~:O

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T21:26:00.000-04:00

Need I say more?

~:O

What color will my eyes be?
	Blue
	Brown
	Green
	Hazel
	I hope they never change. Your eyes are beautiful just the way they are!